


Every Way You Look at This You Lose

by toxic_corn



Category: The Boy (2016 Bell)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Death, Depression, F/M, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-03 10:58:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 67,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16324958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_corn/pseuds/toxic_corn
Summary: Shae's running from her past when she takes on the role of nanny for Brahms Heelshire.  But Brahms isn't like other boys.  Will Shae follow his rules?





	1. Chapter 1

Shae Willingham pulled her car into park and took a long, shaky breath. She didn't really like driving, particularly in England where she wasn't accustomed to driving on the left side of the road. In London, she'd hardly used a car at all and got around by the tube or taxi.  


Listening to the soft pings of the car cooling down, she sat back and took a long look at the Heelshire house. It was big and old and looked like the kind of house that a group of strangers would gather at to be murdered one by one, like in one of the Agatha Christie mysteries Shae's mother used to read. She shivered at the idea but smiled a little; Mom would have been thrilled to see the place.  


The thought of her mother sobered her and Shae pulled her keys from the ignition and tossed them into her handbag. As she gathered her things together, the front door of the house opened. An old woman in a simple but well-made pants suit stood in the doorway with her hands folded in front of her. She looked a little severe with her iron gray hair pulled back tightly from her face but she attempted a smile as Shae opened her car door and got out.  


"Miss Willingham, I presume?" the woman called to her.  


Shae returned the smile. "You presume correctly. And you're Ms. Heelshire?"  


The woman nodded and her smile dimmed. "Ah. You're American."  


Shutting the car door, Shae said. "Only by birth. My parents are English. Is that a problem?"  


"Not at all." Ms. Heelshire's smile returned but it was much more strained than before. "Brahms' last nanny was American. It was, ah, not a good fit."  


"I hope I don't bring back too many bad memories," Shae said.  


Ms. Heelshire awkwardly refolded her hands which Shae was surprised to note were shaking. "Would you like help bringing in your things?"  


"I would, thank you."  


The women carried in Shae's two suitcases, an overnight bag, and a hatbox. Ms. Heelshire carried that in last with a look of amusement on her face.  


"I didn't know women still used hat boxes," she said.  


"Oh! It was my mother's. It's where I store some keepsakes she left me. I don't go anywhere without it." Shae held her hands out for it and felt better once Ms. Hillshire gave it to her with a murmured apology.  


"Would you like a cup of tea before we go any further? I know the drive from London is quite long."  


Shae agreed and in about fifteen minutes they were settled in the parlor. She gratefully sipped at the hot tea, feeling some of the tension she'd been holding in her shoulders the last few hours start to loosen up.  


"I want to thank you," Ms. Hillshire said, stirring her tea slowly. "I realize this was an odd post. We're so out of the way here and you never actually met Brahms before taking the job."  


It was odd, but Shae had been desperate to uproot her life and run far, far away from London and everything in it that reminded her of... people she didn't want to think about. "I was happy you came along just when I needed a change."  


Ms. Hillshire was quiet and set her spoon aside, not drinking her tea. She couldn't quite meet Shae's eyes. "Not all change is good, my dear." She cleared her throat. "This isn't actually my house. It belonged to my late brother and his wife. They passed away quite suddenly and I've been left with Brahms. I'm not as young as I was, so I thought I'd enlist some help."  


Shae nodded, familiar with Ms. Hillshire's story. They had been exchanging emails for the last month until just two days ago, when Ms. Hillshire had called and offered Shae the job. Shae had already given her flatmate notice and had left without any difficulty at all.  


"I've got to get my own affairs in order so I'll need you to stay with Brahms until I return." Her hands clutched her cup of tea so tightly, Shae expected the china to shatter. "My brother... Well. He meant for me to stay here with Brahms. I can't take him with me to my own home. His will was quite clear on that point. And I'd rather not--" She cut herself off and raised her tea to take a sip, holding the cup childishly with both hands.  


"When do I get to meet Brahms?" Shae asked.  


There was a quick, fleeting look in Ms. Heelshire's eyes as if she was thinking _why would you want to_ but covered it with a smile. "When you've finished your tea. He's just in the next room."  


"Wow, what a quiet kid," Shae remarked.  


Ms. Heelshire coughed on her drink and brought a handkerchief to her mouth. "Mmm. Yes."  


When they'd finished their tea and rinsed out their cups in the kitchen, Ms. Heelshire led Shae to the room Brahms was playing in. She walked quickly and Shae had to lightly jog to keep up with her. Outside the door, Ms. Heelshire paused. She looked back over her shoulder at Shae, almost defiantly, and then opened the door.  


"Brahms," she said in a loud, clear voice. "Your new nanny is here. Miss Willingham."  


Shae followed after and there in a chair sat... a doll. A porcelain doll of a little dark-haired boy dressed in a tidy suit and jacket. Alarmed, she darted a glance at Ms. Heelshire and saw the older woman had her mouth pursed shut tightly.  


"So... this is Brahms?" Shae said uncertainly.  


"Yes. Brahms, say hello to Miss Willingham."  


The doll, of course, did no such thing.  


"I'll leave you two to get acquainted." Ms. Heelshire started to duck out of the room.  


"Ms. Heel--" Shae protested.  


"Just a couple of minutes. If Brahms likes you, then you can stay. If he doesn't, well, I'll still give you a months' worth of wages but you'll have to go."  


"But I thought--"  


Ms. Heelshire shut the door firmly behind her and Shae could only gape at it in astonishment. Was she seriously going to be paid top dollar to babysit a doll? Shae wondered how many nannies Ms. Heelshire had been through, how many women took one look at Brahms' glassy-eyed stare and marched out declaring that some jokes weren't funny and they'd had other offers for real children and...  


Shae walked over to Brahms and knelt in front of him. She'd always liked dolls as a girl. Her mother once took her to see Queen Victoria's doll collection on one of their many visits from the states back to the UK. Shae had been enchanted by their lifelike details and elaborate clothing. She'd only had a few dolls herself, but nothing like the Queen's dolls. They were a bit like Brahms in a way, only...  


"Hello," Shae murmured. She fingered the cloth of his little jacket and looked into his face. She frowned, seeing the fine lines running all over where he'd undoubtedly been glued together. "Looks like someone wasn't too careful with you, huh? But you're okay now, right?"  


When she'd been little she'd spent hours dreaming up stories with her Barbies. This would just be more of the same, right? Only this time she'd be paid for it. Why not?  


"You don't have to call me Miss Willingham, okay? My name's Shae. I really hope we can be friends." Shae started to smile and for the first time in she didn't know how long, she felt like she was having fun. "Do you like dominoes? I brought mine with me. We can set them up all over the house in fun designs and watch them fall. We'll have to wait until your aunt leaves." She pitched her voice in a stage whisper. "I have a feeling she wouldn't like it much."  


Shae sat back on her heels. "It's kind of chilly in here. Good thing I brought my knitting with me. I'll make you a sweater, if you want. Something in a bright color. And I'll show you how to do a cat's cradle with the yarn. It's not hard." She tilted her head. "You'd call a sweater a 'jumper' though. I grew up both here and over in America but I tend to use American terms most of the time. Isaac would always--" Just like that, the fun of the moment was gone. Fighting back tears, Shae stood up, feeling stupid. Here she was, a grown woman, chatting with a scary looking doll. "Anway," she muttered. "I'd like it if you'd let me stay, Brahms."  


After about twenty seconds of silence, Ms. Heelshire knocked twice on the door. "Miss Willingham?" She opened the door. "Would you mind stepping out into the hall please? I'd like to ask Brahms if he's made his decision."  


"Of course," Shae said and hurried out of the room.  


Out in the hall, Shae stared at the closed door for a moment, biting her lip. Then guiltily, she stepped close and pressed her ear to the wood.  


"Well?" Ms. Heelshire's voice rang out in the quiet room, making Shae wince and pull back slightly from the door. "Will this one suffice?"  


Shae smirked a little. At least she wasn't the only silly one. But then the smile slid off her face as there was one loud, single knock in answer. Ms. Heelshire had to know she was eavesdropping, right? Maybe she did the knock just to screw with her, to play into the idea that Brahms was a real boy.  


The door suddenly opened and Shae hopped back.  


The smile on Ms. Heelshire's face was genuine and full of relief. "Well, Miss Willingham, you're officially hired!"  


~*~  


From inside the wall, Brahms watched as the young woman entered the room. Unlike Greta, she didn't guffaw in disbelief at the sight of his little avatar sitting there in his father's favorite chair. She looked dismayed, like a woman who was watching her last chance slip from her fingers and now she didn't know what to do. The look intrigued Brahms; what circumstances could have drawn her here?  


Once she was left alone with the doll, though, something came to life in her face. Brahms admired a pretty face, it was true, but this woman wasn't merely 'pretty.' She was lovely. She was a bit like a doll herself, on the tiny side, with wide set hazel eyes. Her dark red hair hung to her shoulders in a silky curtain, framing her rosy, heart-shaped face. When she reached out and lightly traced the cracks in his avatar's face and gently asked about them, something in his chest gave a sharp twist.  


Her voice was slightly husky and pitched a little low. He would have expected something more flute-like based on her appearance but he liked what he heard. And the things she was saying! She sounded kind and yes, he liked dominoes well enough. He and Emily spent a few afternoons playing with them upstairs until his mother had gotten fed up with the noise and sent them outside.  


Shae Willingham would do just fine.  


~*~  


"You should know that Brahms has very specific rules he means to be followed," Ms. Heelshire said. They had just carried Shae's luggage upstairs and brought down Ms. Heelshire's. Now that Shae was here, Ms. Heelshire was going back to her own home in Cornwall. Though with the light-hearted, almost giddy relief Ms. Heelshire was projecting now, Shae suspected that the woman was going to take her sweet time coming back. If she chose to came back at all.  


Well, so long as Shae got paid, who cares. It wasn't as if she had anything waiting for her back in her old life. Not anymore.  


Shae shook herself from her musings. "Rules?" she asked.  


"Yes. Here." Ms. Heelshire reached into a desk and brought out a single sheet of paper. "It's amazing how many demands an eight year old has but the woman my brother married was very permissive. Almost ridiculously so."  


Shae took the paper and scanned the numbered list. No guests, never leave Brahms alone, save meals in freezer, never cover Brahms' face, play music loud, clean the traps...  


"Clean the traps?" Shae asked.  


"Oh!" Ms. Heelshire paused. "I'd forgotten about those. The rat traps on the grounds. I'll show you where those are before I go. Are you squeamish?"  


Her gut roiled at the thought of dead rats but she said, "Not really."  


"Good."  


Shae paused again. "What sort of music does Brahms like?"  


"All of his favorites are marked in the room we left him in. He likes opera quite a lot, actually."  


"Like most children," Shae said wryly, surprising a laugh from Ms. Heelshire. She continued down the list. "Only Malcolm brings deliveries?"  


Ms. Heelshire paused in the middle of sorting her bags. "Oh. That one's changed. Malcolm doesn't bring deliveries anymore. It'll be Gerry."  


"Deliveries?" Shae repeated.  


"Groceries," Ms. Heelshire clarified. "Once a week. The number for the grocer is on the refrigerator. Call if you need any, ah, extras."  


Like tampons? Shae wondered. She glanced at the final two items on the list. Brahms is never to leave and kiss goodnight. Sounded simple enough, honestly.  


"You have my mobile number if you need anything," Ms. Heelshire said as she opened the front door. "My dear, could I trouble you with...?"  


"Oh! Of course." Shae picked up a bag and they walked down the steps together and got the car packed up. "How long do you think it'll be before you come back?"  


Ms. Heelshire didn't even pause this time. "I'm not sure. But I'll ring you."  


Right. Shae stood quietly as Ms. Heelshire arranged the bags just so in the boot of the car and then closed it up tight and locked it. Then the two went around the grounds and Ms. Heelshire gave Shae a quick demonstration of how to clean the traps. Shae wouldn't have to actually handle any dead rats and there were gloves to wear, so Shae felt like she could probably get used to this really gross chore in time.  


Back at the car, Shae opened the driver-side door for Ms. Heelshire."Have a safe trip," she said.  


Catching her breath, Ms. Heelshire stepped close and lightly kissed Shae on the forehead. On one hand, it felt weird to get that from a stranger and part of Shae felt uncomfortable. But the larger part of her, the part that missed her mother, felt a lump form in her throat.  


"Dear girl," Ms. Heelshire said softly. "Follow the rules? Please? I know it seems foolish but the last one didn't and it ended quite badly for everyone involved."  


"I will," Shae whispered.  


"Good." Ms. Heelshire patted her on the arm. "So that's that, then. Goodbye, Shae."  


"Goodbye, Ms. Heelshire."  


The older woman got into her car and drove away. Shae stood and watched her, hugging herself long after the car disappeared down the road. She was all alone now. Except for Brahms of course.  


Brahms. Time to make dinner, though of course he wasn't going to eat it. And maybe while she prepared their meal, she'd blast some of his opera music for him. Sighing, Shae turned and went back into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shae settles in with Brahms and tries to get comfortable.

After searching the fridge, Shae pulled out some ingredients to make an omelet. The food supply seemed a little low and she hoped that Gerry's delivery would be soon. She could distantly hear the sounds of the Stravinsky opera she'd put on for Brahms and made a face, taking out her phone and calling up her Spotify app. She couldn't get a signal in the house but she was able to access her playlists offline and turned the volume up. There hadn't been rules about music of her own, at least.  


Cracking an egg against the bowl, Shae started to sing along. "Every breath you take, every move you make. Every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you." She'd always loved this song and thought it was sort of funny that some people had used it for their weddings. Nodding her head, Shae cracked a couple more eggs and then reached for the whisk. "Every single day, every word you say. Every game you play, every night you stay I'll be watching you."  


Unable to resist, she brought the egg-yolky whisk up to her face and crooned, "Oh can't you seeeee, you belong to meeee? And my poor heart aches with every step you take?"  


Switching her hips from side to side, Shae turned to the stove and turned up a burner and sliced a dollop of butter onto the pan. "Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I'll be watching you."  


The music built up in intensity and Shae took a few steps back from the stove to aggressively air guitar and belt out, "Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace; I dream at night and I can only see your face! I look around but it's you I can't replace. I feel so cold and I long for your embrace! I keep cryin' baby, baby PLEASE!"  


Shaking, Shae dropped her arms and looked around the kitchen. She'd lost herself there for a bit; in her mind she'd been back in her London flat and Isaac was with her, chuckling about "dinner theater" and asking if she took requests.  


"Stupid," she whispered and turned back to her cooking.  


~*~  


"Do you like it?" Shae asked Brahms.  


The doll stared glassily at her and she nodded. "I know it's not breakfast time, but I always liked having breakfast for dinner. My mom made the best french toast. We didn't have any french bread, otherwise I'd have made that instead. Anyway, omelets are a fun way to use up veggies that are starting to go bad. That's the thing no one tells you about being an adult, you know. That produce goes bad so fast. That may be part of why your parents hound you to eat it."  


Shae scooped up a forkful of her omelet and cast a mischievous look at the doll. "Do you always eat your vegetables, Brahms? I was terrible; I almost never did. I especially hated cooked carrots. I used to hide them under my place mat until Mom caught wise. Then I started stuffing them up my sleeves and I'd pitch them outside later. She never caught on to that move." She giggled and took a big bite of her food before pointing her fork at Brahms and saying, "Don't get any ideas, mister, or I'll frisk you after every meal." To soften the threat, she gave the doll a little wink and ate for awhile in mostly silence.  


"Your aunt was pretty eager to leave but I found lots of written instructions for what we're supposed to do while she's away. Like, lessons and stuff. I don't know how good of a teacher I'm going to be, but I'll try. I have some math tutoring experience. Are you any good at math, Brahms?"  


The doll continued to sit in his chair and stare at her as if to say _Math doesn't concern me, lady_.  


Shae cupped her chin in her hand. "Yeah, I talk too much. Sorry."  


Once she'd finished eating and cleaned up, making sure to put the leftovers in the freezer, Shae picked up Brahms and carried him from the room. "Well, we've got a few hours until bed time. What do you say we play with those dominoes I told you about? Hmm? I can make some really neat designs. You'll see."  


~*~

  
This woman was so different from what he was used to. His mother had always infantalized his avatar, treating him as a much younger child than the eight years he'd been when the fire had so nearly consumed him. Even Greta had talked down to the doll, seeing him as the child she'd been deprived of having. Shae, though, behaved as if he were one of the children he'd so wished to be when he'd been at school: someone who could converse easily on any number of topics. She'd lean into the doll and speak conspiratorially, like the two of them were the best of friends and always had been, just the two of them against the world. It was like having Emily back.  


He'd watched her singing in the kitchen, though her music choice had been pretty abysmal. It wasn't like him to just abandon his own music once it began playing. But he'd been curious about Shae and had been touched by how she'd set his avatar up in the chair facing the record player, assuring him that she was only going to be in the kitchen and that she'd leave the door open if he needed anything. Bitterly, he remembered Greta's first moments with him once his parents had left for good. She'd immediately broken the rules and covered Brahms with a coat, telling him that he creeped her out.  


Now, he'd climbed up the wall to the second level to watch Shae set up her dominoes. He and Emily had just formed a simple line when they'd played, but Shae was forming something now that curved quite a bit. She was chatting to the doll, explaining what she was doing and her reasoning for how she was placing pieces. He didn't really attend to what she was saying, lost in the way her delicate hands so gracefully placed each block. She kept her nails trimmed in neat little ovals, painted pale pink. As she moved, her hair swung over her shoulders to hide her face, but he could still see her white teeth biting softly into her lip as she concentrated.  


"Okay, Brahms, are you ready?" He glanced away from the distraction of her hands and face and realized with a jolt what she had created. She'd made a big B. For Brahms. He felt the beginnings of a smile which came to full fruition when she grabbed the doll and placed him in her lap. Shae took the little doll's hand in hers and reached toward the first domino. "On three. One... two... three!" The doll's hand tapped the domino and each fell in a cacophonous cascade that made Shae clap in delight and laugh. "Good job, bud!"  


He'd never been called anyone's bud before. Grinning, he propped his arm against the wall and pressed his forehead to his wrist, unable to look away as Shae asked if he wanted to do a couple more designs before bed.  


~*~

  
"Okay, got your jammies on aaannnd under the covers with you, sir." Shae tucked Brahms into the bed and sat down next to him, pulling the covers to his chin. "Want a story?"  


The doll lay there placidly. _Suit yourself, I suppose_ , he could have easily been saying. If he was able to talk. Which he wasn't.  


Shae cleared her throat. "Let's seeeee. Hmm. Once upon a time there was a little prince who lived alone in a castle. It was a big castle his father the king had built long, long ago, with turrets and a moat all around. At one time, he'd had many courtiers but they'd all gone away one day, the prince didn't know where. He was very lonely."  


She smoothed the covers and licked her lips in thought. "Well. One day, a fairy flew in his window and told him that she would grant him a wish. Any wish his heart desired. The prince thought for a few minutes and said that he'd like to have a friend. So the fairy told him that all he had to do was leave the castle, cross the great Shining Waters, travel through the dark forest, and hike to the tallest peak of Misty Mountain. There he would find the truest friend he would ever know. So the prince gathered together some supplies and off he went on his quest. The Shining Waters were deep and wide but he was able to build a raft and use a pole to get across it. He wasn't used to rafting, however, so his hands got blisters which cracked open and bled. But he kept going until he reached the other side. Once he did, he washed and bandaged his hands and continued on his way."  


Shae glanced around the room, hoping for inspiration. "Sooooo, it took a couple of days but the prince finally reached the dark forest. The trees grew so close together, he could barely squeeze between them. And it was so quiet, like the trees were holding their breath until he left. The loneliness he'd felt back at his castle was even worse now. At least in the castle, there'd been the memory of people. But here? There was nothing familiar from which to draw comfort. Is this kind of scary for you, Brahms?"  


Of course it wasn't, but Shae was starting to spook herself. "Why don't we stop here and I'll tell you the rest tomorrow?" She leaned forward and lightly pecked the tip of his porcelain nose. "Good night. Thanks for being so welcoming. I'll see you in the morning." She switched off the lamp and crossed to the door. "Do you want this open?" Shae closed it halfway. "Here's good, right? All right. Sweet dreams."  


She went down the hall to her own room and once her door was shut let out a long breath. What a day. That horrendous drive and then having to play-act all day. She didn't know how she was going to keep this up but what else was there to do? There was no TV or internet for distractions. May as well play with the big creepy doll.  


Shae started unpacking her things into the drawers and closet which didn't take terribly long. She took her mother's hat box and placed it under her bed, the same place she'd kept it for the last six years. It wasn't terribly often that she could bring herself to look through the box but knowing that it was close by was comforting.  


Also of comfort? A nice, hot bath. Shae grabbed some pajamas and crossed to her en suite bathroom.  


~*~

  
He was taking a chance here, but Brahms quietly slid the hidden door open that let him into her room. The water in the bathroom was running and he could hear Shae humming a tune he didn't recognize. Creeping to the door, he saw that it was opened a crack. Good. He pressed one eye to the opening and kept perfectly still and silent.  


Shae was pulling her top off over her head and his breath caught. She wore a nude bra with lace cups. He could just make out her soft pink nipples through the material. His mouth watered and he could feel his body reacting to the sight. She was looking critically at herself in the mirror, poking at some imagined spot on her chin. Didn't she know she was perfect?  


Bending, Shae tugged off each of her socks and then shimmied out of her skinny jeans. Clad in only her underwear, she went to the tub and turned off the water. Brahms clenched his hands into fists as she hooked her fingers into the waistband of her pink cotton panties and eased them down her smooth, pale legs. Her back was to him, so all he could admire was her pretty little ass. Then she unclasped her bra and tossed it thoughtlessly to the side, focused on getting into the tub immediately.  


Shae sank down into the water with a long, satisfied sigh. She lay there, head resting on the edge of the tub with her eyes closed. Brahms drank her in, loving the total relaxation on her face. And then her hands smoothed down her front, caressing her breasts and down over her flat tummy.  


Brahms tilted his head to the side. Well. This was certainly an interesting development.  


She flicked her thumbs over her nipples and bit her lip, smiling. Then she lowered one hand below the water and she exhaled a shaky breath.  


He tried to resist the impulse but when she let out a soft gasp and whispered a fevered "oh!" Brahms unbuttoned his pants and pulled out his rapidly hardening cock. He could feel it twitch with every moan she made, and increased the speed of his strokes when her breathing picked up.  


Gradually, she tensed more and more until with one more long, emphatic "Ohhhhhh!" a sweet pink flush swept from her cheeks to the tips of her mouth-watering breasts and she shook all over. Brahms grit his teeth and came in four long spurts along the door. He took a step back, trying to catch his breath but remain quiet. He silently rushed back to his room, not even bothering to look at the doll tucked into his childhood bed, and grabbed a small t-shirt from the drawer. He came back to the room and wiped down the door and took one more peek at Shae.  


She was sitting up now and was scrubbing at her feet with a loofah. The show was over, then. Brahms carefully backed up and retreated back into the wall. He felt pleasantly exhausted and knew he would sleep well tonight. Perhaps even have sweet dreams, as Shae had wished for him earlier.

~*~

Running through the hospital, Shae could feel her panic mounting. Why was there no one to ask what room Isaac was in? "Hello?" she called out as she sprinted down the hallway. It seemed to have no end and all the doors remained closed to her. "Is anyone here? I'm trying to find my fiance!"  


The hallway finally turned and Shae barreled around the corner. There was a nursing station ahead, with only one nurse seated there. Her iron gray hair was pulled tightly back from her face and tucked neatly under her white nurse's cap.  


"Can I help you, dear?" the nurse asked mildly.  


"What room is Isaac Morton in?" Shae demanded.  


The nurse looked at her, stern. "You know the rules. No guests."  


"He's very ill and I have to see him!" She slapped the desk but the nurse didn't even flinch.  


"Dr. Heelshire wants you to stay in the house. No guests."  


Shae growled. "Fuck Dr. Heelshire!"  


Someone was coming up behind her and Shae spun around. A little porcelain boy walked to her, wearing a white doctor's coat. "Shae," he said plaintively. "Shae, it's time to wake up!"  


"But Isaac..."  


"Shae!"  


Shae jolted awake and sat up in alarm, staring around the room. It took her a few moments to recognize her surroundings and she sagged back onto the pillows, covering her face with her forearm. Jesus. Stress dreams were the last thing she needed now. She sat up again and picked up the clock from her nightstand, squinting at it. A quarter to seven. May as well get up and face the day. Shae swung her legs from the bed and grumbled her way to Brahms' room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are "Every Breath You Take" by The Police.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shae finds out a bit about the Heelshires' past.

The next few days went much the same with Shae carting the creepy doll around the house and trilling cheerfully to herself all sorts of nonsense. Sometimes she'd catch herself and wonder what the hell it was all for but every time she did that, she'd shake it off and continue on before she could allow herself to dwell on anything else. The situation was far from ideal but it was fine. It was too bad Brahms wasn't a real child so she could get an answer back occasionally. Sometimes she'd stop on the stairs and look up at the family portrait hanging here. She presumed it was Ms. Heelshire's brother's family since this was their house, after all. The little boy in the portrait must have been Brahms. Had there been a real Brahms, not just the doll she had propped on her hip?  


One afternoon, Shae was seated with Brahms at the kitchen table, magazines scattered all over the surface. She was teaching him how to make a collage, overlapping the glossy pictures on pieces of construction paper.  


"You want none of the paper underneath to show," Shae said. "I used to decorate my school locker this way. Mom always held on to old magazines so I'd have a great time cutting them all up. It made a mess, though. I don't think she liked that much but she never said anything. Probably because Dad once made some snide comment about how it was her own fault for hoarding the magazines." Shae frowned a little. "That wasn't very nice of him. She kept the house spotless, otherwise. What did a few magazines hurt, anyway?"  


Suddenly, the kitchen door opened and a strange voice called, "Hullo!"  


Alarmed, Shae hopped to her feet and watched as a bald man with a graying beard and slight paunch carried in a box of groceries. He gave her a friendly smile. "You must be the new nanny. I'm Gerry the grocer."  


"My name's Shae." She smiled at him politely, watching him set the box on the counter. "I'm really glad to see you. Ms. Heelshire didn't tell me which day of the week to expect the groceries."  


Gerry snorted. "No, I wouldn't expect that one to tell you much." He turned and nodded at the doll. "You've been roped into this mess now, eh?"  


"I've had worse jobs," Shae said. "Is that everything?"  


"There's one more box in the car," Gerry said.  


"I'll help you," Shae said firmly. She plucked her cardigan from the back of her chair and slipped it on. She muttered to Brahms, "I'll just be a sec, okay?"  


She followed Gerry outside and he sent her a look of understanding. "Bet you have loads of questions."  


"I do," Shae said fervently. "Okay... he's a doll, right? I'm not crazy?"  


"That was definitely a doll in there," Gerry said. "The real Brahms died in a house fire twenty years ago. I guess the parents used the doll to cope with the loss. Strange way to do it, but I try not to judge. Never lost a child myself. His grave is somewhere on the grounds; Malcolm knew where it was." His face fell a little at the mention of the name and he busied himself with pulling the box of groceries still left in the back of the car closer to him.  


Shae pounced on Gerry's slip of Malcolm's name. "What happened with Malcolm? Why doesn't he do the deliveries anymore?"  


"I may as well tell you before someone in town tells you a fairy story," Gerry said gruffly. "The last nanny Brahms had... she and Malcolm conspired together to murder her ex-boyfriend. They're both locked up now."  


"Oh, wow," Shae said. "But how could that be a fairy story?"  


"Well." Gerry looked uncomfortable. "I don't want to frighten you, miss."  


Shae quirked a brow. "I've been babysitting the creepiest doll I've ever seen. I can handle what you have to tell me."  


Gerry laughed a little but then sobered. "Well. After Malcolm and the nanny murdered the boyfriend, they ran from the house with this wild story that Brahms, the real Brahms, was living in the walls. That he'd burst out of a mirror and killed the boyfriend."  


"Oh my god," Shae said, aghast.  


"The police came out and inspected the place but they never found a wild man living in the walls. And nothing was broken. There was just the dead man on the floor which they took care of immediately."  


Shae chewed her lip. "Thanks for telling me. I've been going out of my mind wondering about this family."  


"It's all definitely batty," Gerry said. "And the Heelshires going away and killing themselves on holiday--"  


"Wait, what?" Shae exclaimed. "I didn't know they'd killed themselves?"  


Gerry started walking to the house and Shae dogged his heels. "They did it just like Virginia Woolf. Filled their pockets with rocks and walked right into the sea."  


"Virginia Woolf drowned herself in a river," Shae said.  


"Well, you take my meaning, though," Gerry said. Shae held the kitchen door open for him and he carried the box in and set it next to the other one on the counter. "That's it for this week. If you need to add anything to the order, give my shop a ring, yeah?"  


Shae nodded. "I will. Thank you, Gerry."  


"You're welcome, love." He tipped his nonexistent hat and nodded to Brahms. "Sir." Gerry walked out the door and Shae watched him go, the first human she'd seen in days. She wished he could have stayed a little longer, but he probably had lots of things to do other than keep her company.  


Shae sat back down at the table and stared stupidly at the magazine clippings all over the surface. She looked back up at Brahms and suddenly blinked back tears. "Gerry told me about your parents. I'm sorry, Brahms. That's terrible. I didn't know..." She reached out a finger and gently stroked his cold, little hand. She thought of the real Brahms, the flesh and blood boy, dying horribly in a fire and tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  


Overwhelmed with the Heelshire's tragedy and plenty of her own as well, Shae buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes. She eventually settled down and lowered her hands, staring with tear-blurred vision at the sad little doll with his cracked face.  


"Brahms? I... I need to go lay down. I don't feel well. Are you okay to... Why don't I just set you down with your music, hm? After I've had a rest I'll get dinner started." Shae gently cradled Brahms and got him settled in a comfy chair and selected a record at random to play for him. Then she trudged upstairs and flopped onto her bed, curling up on her side.  


Shae wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "Isaac," she whispered miserably and allowed herself to break down again.  


~*~

  
Brahms approached the table and stood behind his little avatar, looking down at the art supplies and then at the groceries left on the counter. He frowned.  


~*~

  
It was dark when Shae woke. She rose from the bed and quickly washed her face before going downstairs. She turned on lights the whole way and found Brahms right where she had left him.  


"Sorry about that," Shae said, removing the needle from the record and putting it away. "Whenever I get a little blue, I just need to lay down for awhile. I'm better now. What should we have, hm?"  


Shae picked up Brahms and then suddenly remembered the groceries. "Shit," she hissed. She hurried into the kitchen, though all the hustle in the world wasn't going to make milk less room temperature and any frozen items re-freeze themselves.  


She skidded to a halt in the kitchen doorway. The groceries weren't there anymore. Had Gerry come back? Why on earth would he? She opened the refrigerator and found it stocked full. Same with the cupboard she opened next, cans of beans next to cans of tuna. What the fuck?  


Heart pounding, Shae spun around and walked to the table. It was clean of their mess from earlier. Except for one collage. She picked it up, expecting it to be the one she'd been working on earlier. And it was. Only someone had finished it. They had added pictures of hearts and flowers all over the collage along with cut-out letters that spelled out DON'T CRY SHAY.  


Gasping, Shae dropped the paper and spun, eyes looking around wildly. "Hello?" she cried out. "Is someone here?" Was Brahms really living in the walls? No, why would he? The police had investigated, Gerry had said. They'd have found him. No, the only one in this house was Shae.  


And Brahms. The doll.  


She studied him, carefully. She'd seen The Conjuring and had lost some sleep over the haunted doll from that movie. Maybe Brahms was like Annabelle? But that was stupid. Though... why was the charade of caring for Brahms still going on long after the deaths of his grieving parents? Why did Ms. Heelshire quickly find a nanny and then run away so eagerly like she'd been let out of jail free?  


Because she hadn't wanted the responsibility of the possessed doll. Shae wanted to throw the thing from her but stopped herself just in time. She instead placed Brahms back in a chair and sat down, head in her hands.  


Okay. Let's think this through. She was in a deserted house with a haunted doll for company. He seemed benevolent so far but that was only because she'd been following his rules. What would happen if she didn't? It was the only way to test if this was real.  


"Okay, Brahms. We're gonna try something." Shae stood once more and picked Brahms up. She carried him up to his room and dropped him onto his bed. She covered his face with a pillow and stepped back. "I-I've covered your face. I broke the rule. What happens now?"  


The doll just lay there. Shae waited a few more minutes and when nothing happened, she scoffed scornfully. "Fuck this," she muttered. She went back downstairs and started dinner.  


~*~

  
Shae ate the last bite of her meatloaf and pushed the mashed potatoes around on her plate, mixing them with the green beans. It had been nice to eat without a forlorn little face watching her take each bite. Weirdly, she also felt a twinge of guilt. It felt mean to randomly break a rule, but if this all meant nothing, who was she really being mean to? The dead Hillshires? Dead Brahms? An inanimate object who didn't give two shits about what she did?  


She looked back at the collage. Was she so distraught and out of it lately, had she made the thing herself? It was possible, but not likely. She'd never gone into a fugue state before. Also, she knew how to spell her own name.  


Finishing up the last of her meal, she heard a few thumps upstairs and the sound of a child crying. Shae went still. Maybe she was hearing things? It was an old house and they made weird noises sometimes. But a crying child? That was a pretty specific sound and not one usually associated with the sound of an old house settling.  


The cry came again and Shae jumped up. "Brahms!" she called. She ran up the stairs, falling once and scraping her knee a good one on the carpet before scrambling to her feet once more and sprinting into Brahms' room.  


He was no longer sitting on the bed. He was sitting in his rocking chair, rocking slightly.  


"Oh," Shae breathed. She rushed over and fell to her knees, ignoring the twinge from her scraped knee as she did so. "Oh, Brahms, sweetie, I'm sorry. I just had to know if..." She gathered him close and hugged him. "I had to know. If this was real. I'm sorry, I won't cover your face again. That was mean of me. Poor Brahms..." She pulled back and smiled a little, teary. "Still friends?"  


He didn't answer but he didn't need to. She lightly kissed his forehead and stood up. "Come on downstairs and help me clean up the kitchen, okay? And I'll see if I can find some magnets so we can put your collage on the fridge. You did a really good job. But my name's spelled S-H-A-E." She rested Brahms on her hip and continued prattling on to him as she took him downstairs.  


~*~

  
Much, much later, Brahms crept from out of the walls once more. He wasn't having to correct Shae as much as he had Greta, which was good. He saw she'd put his message on the refrigerator and smiled a little proudly to himself. His mother had never done such a thing, saying that it was messy and cluttered to keep drawings and artwork.  


Brahms heated up the frozen dinner and sat down at the table to eat. Usually, he took his meals into the walls and ate in his own space but for some reason, he wanted to be here. He wanted to be where Shae had been. Though she wasn't in the room, her comforting presence lingered behind. Little things, like the way she'd hang a dish towel slightly crooked. Or how she kept an unwashed water glass next to the sink to re-use.  


Quietly, Brahms washed the dishes and put them away. He started to straighten the dish towel but then paused, deciding to leave it. He padded from the room and went back into the walls, climbing up to the first floor, to Shae's room.  


He peeped in from her closet and saw her curled up on her side, fast asleep. There was a weird lump next to her and Brahms crept into the room, curious. It was his avatar. She still felt so guilty for breaking the rules earlier, she'd brought him into her bed to comfort him.  


Moved, Brahms reached out a hand and just barely let his finger tips touch her shiny, smooth hair. What a lovely girl. And she'd never break the rules again. Brahms backed up and ducked back into the closet, shutting the secret door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Days turned to weeks and Shae continued to dote on Brahms. She made them a pair of kites and took him out to fly them as a reward for having to clean out the rat traps. They did the written lessons that Shae found in a desk and spent one hour every afternoon on them. Except for the weekends, which was when they played hide and seek. Shae would go into the kitchen and count to one hundred and then she'd search the house for Brahms. He was always somewhere different, never replicating his hiding places and she'd often praise him for his ingenuity. One time she'd found him in a closet wrapped inside of a coat, his little legs sticking into a tall pair of wellies.  


Sometimes, she'd take Brahms to bed with her and she'd whisper to him until she fell asleep. She told him all about her mother, about their home by the ocean when she lived in America, about the London house and how she lost her first tooth there when her father had yelled at her and frightened her so badly she'd fallen down the stairs. About the boys who would write filthy things about her on bathroom walls out of revenge for rejecting them.  


Ms. Heelshire still hadn't called and Shae had long since stopped expecting her to. It was all right. She'd accepted her role and had received a wad of cash in the mail after the second week. The envelope had had no return address, of course.  


The only person she saw was Gerry once a week. He'd speak cheerfully to her and try to entice her to visit the town but she always politely turned him down. She couldn't leave the house and she couldn't bring Brahms with her; it was against the rules. She never told Gerry that, of course, she only said that given what had happened to the last nanny, she didn't think she'd be welcome in the town. He denied the claim but his eyes hadn't been able to meet hers as he spoke.  


Shae had instituted a one hour dance party for she and Brahms. Not Brahms's kind of music, but Shae's. She would set her phone down on the mantle and play the music loudly and dance Brahms around the room, teaching him moves he wouldn't have learned back in the early 90s when he'd been alive.  


"Okay, here we go," Shae said one day. "This one's just for you, Brahms, okay?" She stood him on a table so their height difference wasn't so stark.  


Cheery, boppy 80s music filled the room and Shae took his hands stepping from side to side. She started to sing along, "My baby he don't talk sweet, he ain't got much to say. But he loves me loves me loves me, I know that he loves me anyway. And maybe he don't dress fine but I don't really mind. Cuz every time he pulls me near, I just wanna cheer, 'Let's hear it for the boy!'" She gave him a twirl. "Let's give the boy a hand! Let's hear it for my baby, you know you gotta understand: ohhh maybe he's no Romeo but he's my lovin' one man show. Whoa oh oh oh, let's hear it for the boy!" She galloped him along the table top, clasping his hands and giggling.  


A loud thumping from the front door brought her up short. She stared with wide eyes at Brahms and went still. Someone knocked again, the sound impatient, like they had been there for some time. Shae gently set Brahms down and got her phone off the mantle to switch the music off.  


"I'll go see who that is and send them away, Brahms," Shae said breathlessly and hurried from the room.  


The knocking continued and Shae scowled. "Coming!" she called and then threw the door open.  


"Hi, Shae." The man on the porch stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You're a hard woman to get hold of. Did you lose your mobile?"  


"Jules!" Face to face with Isaac's best friend, Shae could feel her stomach drop. "The house doesn't have a good signal for... What are you doing here? How'd you find me?"  


"Lily told me where you were." He looked up at the house. "Nice place. Could I come in? I need to speak with you."  


Shae stepped back. _No visitors_. But this was important. Jules hadn't cracked one joke in their entire exchange so this wasn't a social call. She led him to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, "Let's go in here and I'll make you a cup of tea, all right?"  


"Fine." Jules sat at the table as Shae brewed him up a pot. He nodded at the collage on the fridge. "The kid made that?"  


Shae glanced over her shoulder. "He did. He's a really sweet little boy. He's at a friend's house spending the night tonight, otherwise you could meet him."  


"Ah." Jules tapped on the counter. "No parents?"  


"They're dead. His aunt's his guardian but she's having me watch him while she sells her house and stuff to move out here. She doesn't want to uproot him, considering he's gone through so many changes already."  


Jules sighed. "Poor little bugger."  


Shae poured them each a cup of tea and sat down across from Jules. He took the spoon she offered him and stirred some sugar and milk in. His jaw clenched tightly for a moment.  


"So. I'm afraid I got some bad news." He looked up at her and behind his dark framed glasses, his eyes swam with tears. "Isaac died on Thursday."  


All the air seemed to go out of the room and Shae sagged forward. "No," she breathed.  


"I'm sorry. We all... we all thought maybe you two would..." Jules gave up. "I tried calling but I couldn't get through. Probably for the best; this isn't great news to share over the phone."  


Shae brought a trembling hand up to her mouth. "H-he's really gone."  


Jules said nothing, just brought his teacup to his mouth with a trembling hand.  


"Rachel must be going insane," Shae said finally.  


"Apparently, she'd only gotten her wedding dress last week," Jules said. "She's gone back to Glasgow to stay with her parents awhile. Can't face the flat without him."  


Shae nodded. "I... I need to go lay down."  


"Do you need help?" Jules stood, reaching out for her.  


"No, I... I just need to go lay down." She stumbled to the doorway. "Finish your tea. Then you should..."  


"I'm not going to leave when you're like this," Jules protested. "Let me help."  


Shae shook her head. "I'm fine. Finish your tea and be on your way. I want to be alone."  


Jules pursed his lips shut tightly but Shae didn't give a shit about him at the moment. She just needed to be away from this room now or she was going to start screaming and never be able to stop. She hurried away and grabbed Brahms off the parlor table and rushed upstairs.  


"Oh, oh god," Shae sobbed once she was in her room. She got under the covers and pulled Brahms with her, pressing her forehead to his. "Oh god, Brahms he's gone. He's really gone, I can't believe... I can't believe it... I should have done it so then I wouldn't have to know, t-to really know..."  


~*~

  
She woke later to a feeling of warm pleasure between her thighs. She exhaled out a soft breath. "Mmm..." Arching a little she felt two fingers slide into her pussy. Isaac always woke her so sweetly like this when they--  


Wait. Her eyes flew open and she tried to sit up but a strong arm held her down. "Shhhhh," he crooned gently. "You need this. Let me help."  


"G-get off me!" Shae kicked but Jules put all his weight on her, pinning her in place. "Stop it!!"  


"Isaac was a fool to let you go," Jules breathed. "Don't fight it, Shae. We've been dancing around this for ages, yeah?"  


"No!" Shae bucked. "What the fuck? Get off of me! Get the fuck off of me!"  


Jules sneered. "Don't give me that shit. You were just fucking my hand like the slut you are. You want this, I can feel how wet you are."  


"Stop it!" Shae twisted and screamed out the first name she thought of. "Brahms! Brahms, help!"  


Jules started tugging down her leggings and laughed. "Brahms? Like the geezer who wrote the lullaby? Why the fuck--"  


Shae stared in horror as a tall, hairy man with a blank face tugged a rope around Jules's neck. He tightened it and Jules's mouth came open, gasping for air. He reached out for Shae for help but she scrabbled back on the bed, sobbing. The man tightened his grip more and Jules's struggling became weaker and weaker. Drool dribbled down his chin and the light slowly went out of his eyes. The man dropped Jules to the floor and stared at him for a moment before giving him a sharp kick to the ribs. Then he lifted his gaze back to Shae on the bed.  


In shock, Shae stared into the dark eyes glittering at her from what was a porcelain doll mask. He stood there, chest heaving for breath and Shae didn't know what to make of him. She looked over his shoulder at her closet and saw the back open, exposing a secret chamber.  


"Brahms," she whispered. She looked back at the masked man. "You're Brahms."  


He nodded once.  


"The story was true. You live in the walls a-and you killed that man. But the police didn't..." Had they even tried to look? Had Brahms cleaned the place up so well that they didn't even bother to follow up on such an outlandish story? "And you killed Jules."  


Brahms gave Jules one more kick and Shae winced.  


"Are you going to kill me now? Now that I know?" Her voice was small and frightened.  


"No." Brahms looked at her. "Should I?"  


Shae's tears spilled. "Maybe? I b-broke the guest rule...."  


"You were trying to make him leave," Brahms said. "You honored the rule."  


"And now he's dead." She looked at Jules's face, saw the contorted expression and gagged. She flailed to the edge of the bed but didn't make it to the bathroom in time, vomiting over the side of the bed onto the floor.  


She panted and cried, trying to calm down. She realized that Brahms was next to her and was holding her hair back. "What are you going to do about Jul-"  


"I'll take care of it. You just rest."  


"But Brahms, he's--"  


"Shae. Rest." Brahms walked away and picked up Jules's body, draping him over his back.  


Shae sniffled. "But I don't want to be alone..." She found the doll in the bed and held it up. "I thought this was you."  


"I know. I'll be back. Rest." Brahms walked out the door and Shae lay there shaking, listening to the front door open and shut, then Jules's car start up. How did Brahms know how to drive? It's not like anyone would have taught him. Not when he was some weirdo living in the walls.  


Trembling, Shae lay back down. She rested her head on her pillow and found herself face to face with the Brahms doll. With a cry of disgust she kicked him from the bed and heard him clatter to the floor. "Fuck. Oh fuck. Fuck. What is even my life?" She covered her face with her hands and wept tiredly until she fell back into an uneasy sleep.  


~*~

  
When Shae woke, she was still alone. She sat up in bed and looked around. The closet door was closed. Jules's body was still gone. She looked over the side of the bed and her vomit had been cleaned up.  


"You're awake."  


She jolted and let out a cry. Brahms stood in the doorway holding a tray. On it was a steaming bowl of soup. "How did...?"  


"I reheated the chicken soup you made on Tuesday. It's really good. You're a good cook." He came to the bedside and set the tray on her lap.  


Shae stared down into the bowl, uncomprehending. She picked up the spoon but didn't eat. Instead, she looked back up at Brahms. He made such an odd figure, standing there awkwardly with his hands folded behind his back. Dark curls hung over his forehead onto the horrific, chipped mask and a thick dark beard peeked from below it. He was dressed in a ratty cardigan and stained singlet which exposed a shocking amount of chest hair. His trousers were loose fitting and too short, stopping well above his ankles.  


"I don't think I'm okay," Shae said.  


Brahms reached out a hand and pressed it to her forehead. "You feel warm."  


"You're really Brahms," she whispered. "You didn't die in a fire."  


He didn't answer, just stared back at her.  


"Why would they lie about that? Your parents. Why would... that's so weird. Why would they make you live in the walls? And that creepy doll? I... god, my head's spinning." Shae laid back and closed her eyes. She felt Brahms quietly lift the tray away. "Does your aunt know you're still alive?"  


"Yes." Brahms sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance from her.  


"Did she always know?"  


"No."  


Shae covered her face with one of her hands. "What are we going to do?"  


"Nothing."  


"Nothing?!" She dropped her hand and stared at him in disbelief. "You've just killed a man! You've killed two men! Innocent people are in jail because of you. We're not going to do nothing, Brahms!"  


Brahms leaned in and gripped her arm tightly. "We. Will. Do. Nothing."  


"I'm in charge!" Shae exclaimed, knowing she sounded ridiculous.  


"Not anymore." Brahms tightened his grip. "I'm in charge now. I've always been in charge. You follow my rules."  


Shae looked into his eyes. "You're hurting me," she said softly.  


"I'll stop if you promise to stay." He didn't even slightly let up on his hold. "Promise."  


"Mmmph. I promise. I'll stay." She gasped in relief when he abruptly let her go. Once loose, she took the spoon in her hand and flung it into his face. He cried out in angry surprise, lurching off the bed. "Fuck you, fucker! I promised to stay but you don't get to hurt me again! Let's make that really fucking clear!"  


"I was only--"  


"I don't care that you were 'only!' Look at this shit!" She rolled up her sleeve and showed him the finger marks on her arm. "These are going to be bruises!"  


"I'm sorry," Brahms said in a child's voice.  


Shae recoiled. "God, don't ever do that again. You're a grown man."  


"Fine," Brahms growled.  


"And get out! I'd like to have five minutes to myself when I don't have to worry about you!"  


Brahms breathed out angrily through his nose and strode to her closet. Shae watched him and then got out of bed herself, picking up the Brahms doll and tossing it at his back. "And take your creepy friend with you!"  


He spun around and grabbed the doll. "Stop throwing things!"  


"Stop killing people!" she snapped back.  


Brahms rage screamed at her and then stormed into the closet, opening the secret panel and slamming it shut behind him.  


"Dick," Shae spat. She sank to the floor, trembling all over. "I'm... I'm really not okay." She curled up and wished with all of her heart that her mother was still alive and with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "Let's Hear it for the Boy" by Deniece Williams


	5. Chapter 5

Shae stayed on the floor for hours. She didn't feel hunger or the need for the bathroom. Too much had happened all at once and she just couldn't process it. Isaac was dead, his best friend had assaulted her, a wild man living in the walls had come out and killed him, and she'd just shrieked at the murderer like she'd never shrieked at anyone in her life before. It had felt good, giving her something to focus on other than the numb feeling that was spreading all through her body.  


"Shae."  


She didn't look up. It was only Brahms. "Pretty sure I told you to fuck off."  


"Your soup is cold," he said, disapproving.  


"That's a shame." Shae stared off into space.  


"You were supposed to eat it."  


"And you're supposed to be dead, yet here we are."  


Brahms voice shook with suppressed rage. "Stop making me angry."  


"Brahms? I'm gonna be really honest with you here, okay?" She raised her head and looked him in the eyes. "I'm not trying to make you angry. I'm not trying to _not_ make you angry. I'm just laying here because I have nothing left to live for and I'm done. So if you could just leave me here to die or possibly go get something to make this go faster, I'd appreciate it. Thanks."  


He didn't leave and Shae lowered her head to the floor again.  


"What did you want me to do?" Brahms asked. "Should I have let him rape you? You asked me for help."  


"You could have pulled him off me and called the police. Strangling him with rope wasn't necessary."  


"I was angry. I didn't like him hurting you. I was going to do it even if you hadn't asked for help."  


"Swell. Thanks."  


They were quiet a long time. Until Brahms said, "You were nicer when you thought I was a doll."  


"You were nicer when I thought you were a doll." Shae looked up at him and started to laugh a little. "Jesus. This is so stupid. You realize your life makes absolutely zero sense, right?"  


He didn't answer but sank to the floor and sat cross-legged next to her. "Who was Isaac? You've spoken of him a lot. You say his name in your sleep, too."  


"Ugh, you watched me sleep?" She looked up at him. "Of course you did. I bet you watched me in the bathroom, too." When he didn't respond, she rolled her eyes. "Isaac was my fiance."  


"But the man mentioned a different girl."  


"Yeah. Rachel's the woman he left me for." She looked away from Brahms and waited for the tears. They didn't come. She'd been crying a lot lately, her tear ducts were probably just exhausted. "They met at his office. They shared a 'spark.' And he was sleeping with her long before he finally ended our engagement."  


"Why would he do that?" Brahms asked, baffled.  


Shae rubbed at her eyes. "I don't know, Brahms. Because he's selfish and wanted to have two women at the same time? Because he wanted to see how long he could get away with it? Because my mother had just died and he felt too guilty to dump me while I was grieving? I don't know, he never explained himself. He told me it was over and that he'd found someone else. Then he packed his shit and left."  


"But why would he leave you? You're perfect."  


Shae laughed humorlessly. "Right. I'm perfect. I haven't been able to move from this spot for hours. My mouth tastes like puke. I'm the very picture of perfection."  


"Let me help you up."  


"I don't want to get up."  


"Yes, you do. You're shaking. I'm going to put you in bed."  


"Brahms, I'd rather you-- eep!" Brahms had risen to his feet and effortlessly scooped her up close to his chest. He walked over to the bed and sat down, holding her.  


Not knowing what else to do, Shae wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his chest. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine that this was a normal situation. But she just couldn't. She opened her eyes.  


"Wow, you're really rank."  


"What?" he asked, startled.  


"You smell. Bad." She pulled back. "How often do you bathe?"  


"I bathe," he seethed.  


She sniffed him and made a face. "Not often enough. Ugh. Okay, let me up. C'mon, we're getting up." She pulled his arms from around her and got to her feet. Her head swam and she teetered a little but Brahms reached out to steady her. "Thanks. I'm gonna go run you a bath."  


"I don't need a bath."  


"Good lord, you do too. Come on." Shae carefully walked over to the bathroom and switched on the light then crossed to the bath. She turned the taps to hot and put her hand under the water spray, testing the temperature. When she was satisfied with it, she put in the plug. When she looked around, Brahms was in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.  


"Don't give me that sulky look. Get in here."  


"I told you that I don't need a bath."  


"'No baths' wasn't a rule, stinky. Get those clothes off and get in the tub."  


Brahms's arms dropped to his sides. "You're going to wash me?"  


"To make sure that you actually get clean, yes. Now go on, strip. It's only fair. You've seen mine."  


"I've only seen some of yours," Brahms muttered and pulled his cardigan off over his head. Then off came the singlet, and his suspenders. He was built strong, which made sense if he was able to strangle a grown man to death in mere minutes and then carry his dead body away like it was a sack of laundry. She noticed he had a pretty gnarly scar on his stomach and wondered what happened. It looked different from the various patches of burn scars he had on his arms and chest. His hands hovered over the waistband of his trousers and he paused and seemed to look at her uncertainly.  


"Brahms, you have nothing I've never seen before," she said matter of factly. "Go ahead."  


After a little more hesitation, he dropped his trousers and then kicked them aside. No underwear. That wouldn't help the funk. He cupped his genitals and she waved impatiently at the tub. He awkwardly walked over and slid in.  


"Okay, here we go." Shae grabbed her bar of Dove soap and dunked her hands in the water so she could work up a good lather. Then she started scrubbing up his arms and made him raise them to get at his pits. Forgetting herself, she tickled them a little, startling a little laugh from him. Then it was back to business, scrubbing his chest and then making him lean forward to get at his back.  


"Legs next," she announced and Brahms dutifully raised one leg and rested it alongside the edge of the tub. She scrubbed his feet, feeling grossed out by the calluses there and then sat back on her heels. "Now lets get your hair. Um, do you need to leave your mask on?"  


"Yes."  


"Why? You know that whatever's under there I'm picturing something way worse."  


"Mask stays on."  


"Fine. Tilt your head back." He did and she grabbed a plastic cup from the sink to fill up and pour over his head to get it nice and soaked. Then she used some of her own shampoo to work into his scalp. He started purring low which made her giggle. He laughed a little himself and Shae carefully rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, proud that none of it had dribbled under his mask and into his eyes.  


"You're going to need to wash your face but you can do that on your own. I'll just--" Shae started to get up but Brahms grabbed her arm. She could feel him loosening the grip, remembering what had happened earlier. "What?"  


"Get in with me."  


She made a face and looked into the tub. "I think I'll pass sitting in your filth water, thanks."  


Brahms bent forward and pulled out the plug. "I'll put in new water. Then you get in."  


"I don't—"  


"You need a bath, too. You're not stinky yet, but a few more hours on the floor and you'll get there."  


Shae shook her head and sighed. "Fine. This has been a weird enough day. Why not make it weirder?"  


Once the water had drained, Brahms ran some fresh water and replaced the plug. He watched Shae intently. "Get in."  


"I heard you. Hang on." Shae shimmied out of her leggings and panties at the same time, the fabric tangling together. Then she removed her flowered tunic and bra. Standing up, she took a step into the tub and then looked into Brahms's face. He was staring intently between her legs. "Brahms? I didn't ogle you. Be a gentleman, okay?"  


Brahms reluctantly tore his gaze away and immediately stared at her breasts. Then his gaze wavered to her face and stayed there. He pulled his legs to his chest to make room for her and she settled down facing him, her arms wrapped around her own legs.  


"Cool. Neither of us has any room," Shae said. She shifted and winced. "And I've got the faucet digging into my back."  


"Get out," Brahms said.  


Shae scowled at him. "God, you run hot and cold."  


"No, I have an idea. Get out for a second."  


Sighing heavily, Shae got up, fully expecting him to stare at her again, but instead he stretched his legs out in front of him and then held his hand out for her.  


"What?" Shae asked.  


"Sit in front of me facing away." He spread his legs under the water. "See, I'm making room."  


"Ugh. Fine." Shae stepped back in and got settled down, careful not to crush his delicate bits. All the same, she could feel his delicate bits digging into her back but chose not to say anything. "This is really weird, Brahms."  


"I know," he said, then reached for the soap.  


~*~

  
Her skin was so perfect. He'd never been this close to another person before and he stared in fascination at her back as he soaped it. She had a little mole to the left of one of her shoulder blades and he touched it, fascinated. She didn't have a scar anywhere. It both awed him and filled him with unspeakable envy.  


"Why'd you stop?" Shae murmured dreamily.  


"Sorry," Brahms said and went back to smoothing over and over her back. He remembered her actions from earlier and lightly brushed his fingertips along the sides of her tummy. She quaked with laughter.  


"Doooon't!" she slapped his hands away.  


Brahms chuckled. "You can tickle me but I can't tickle you?"  


"Huh uh."  


"No? Why?"  


"Cuz I said."  


"Oh, you said?"  


"I said."  


"Well." Brahms tickled her sides once more.  


"EEEEEE!" Shae kicked up and flailed in the water, making it slop over the sides of he tub. She spun in the water, sleek like a little fish and turned so she was facing him, knees on either sides of his hips. She pinned his hands to his sides and said sternly, "Don't."  


He could easily break her hold but he sat back, smiling. Here she was in his lap, facing him and there were her breasts just centimeters from his own chest. He could also feel the warm skin between her legs on his cock and he could feel himself go entirely erect. Apparently she could, too, because her eyes widened and she looked down between them.  


"Brahms, I want to get out now," she whispered.  


"Go ahead," he whispered back.  


She continued to look down. And then back into his face. Her eyes glittered with tears. "I'm sorry, I can't do anything else today. I'm so exhausted."  


"I know." He nodded. "I'm sorry about Isaac."  


Shae slumped forward, suddenly crying. Startled, Brahms didn't know what to do but then remembered how when he'd been a child and come home crying because the other children had taunted him, his mother would hug him. So he wrapped his arms around Shae now and tucked her head beneath his chin.  


She stayed there for a long time and luckily his erection settled down. He was surprised to find that he rather liked holding her. She fit in his arms so well and she held onto him so trustingly. It made him feel like a better person than he really was.  


Finally, she raised her head and met his gaze directly. "You know what?" she said, sniffling.  


"What?"  


"You smell really nice right now."  


Brahms laughed.

~*~

When they got out of the tub, Shae sat him down on the toilet and used her blow dryer on his hair. He slumped forward, eyes closed while she did it and seemed disappointed once she shut it off.  


"All dry," she announced.  


Brahms got to his feet and shuffled over to his clothes.  


"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?"  


"I'm getting dressed."  


"Nuh uh. Not in those things. I'm throwing those out. We'll find something else for you, okay?"  


"There isn't anything else."  


Shae scoffed. "I find it hard to believe that in a house this size, there's no clothes. Did your aunt clear out your dad's things?"  


"No."  


"Then we'll start there."  


Shae led the way into the hall and then paused.  


"Third door on the right," Brahms said, sounding amused.  


"Thank you," she said primly.  


In his parents' room, Shae found Brahms a clean singlet, a brown sweater, and a pair of slacks. He balked at wearing his father's underwear and Shae didn't push him since she could hardly blame him.  


"I'm going to go to bed," Shae said. "It's late."  


"Good night."  


Shae nodded and turned away.  


"Kiss."  


"Excuse me?" She turned back.  


"Kiss," Brahms said again.  


"No," Shae said flatly. "We had a bath and you got an eyeful. You're not getting a kiss."  


"It's the rule," Brahms said.  


Shae marched up to him, stared angrily into his face, then pecked the cheek of his mask. "There. Good night."  


"Good night, Shae."  


She stopped at her door and looked back at him. He looked so sad standing there that she suddenly said, "Don't go back into the walls."  


"Why?"  


"Because... it's not nice. This is your house and you should get to use it. Pick a room and sleep in it."  


"Okay." Brahms walked up to her and stood next to her.  


"What are you doing," she said flatly.  


"I've picked a room. Yours."  


Shae rested her head against the door and groaned. "Brahms, come on."  


"I won't touch you. Not unless you want me to."  


Weirdly enough, she believed him. After all, he'd just killed a man who'd been touching her without her consent.  


"Okay. I have to get changed for bed. No peeking."  


"You don't have anything I haven't seen before."  


Shae slapped his chest and he startled back slightly. "You little turd. Don't use my words against me."  


Brahms laughed softly and she let him into her room. While he got nestled under the covers, Shae changed into her pajamas in the bathroom then switched out all the lights. She slid in next to Brahms and turned her back to him.  


"Night, Brahms."  


"Goodnight, Shae."  


She fell asleep listening to the comforting sound of his steady breathing.


	6. Chapter 6

"Shae."  


"Mmmph." Shae rolled over on her tummy and hugged her pillow tightly.  


"Shae. It's time to get up."  


Shae cracked open an eye and found Brahms crouched next to the bed. She flinched back, having that disconcerting mask in her face first thing. She rolled to the nightstand to pick up the clock. "It really isn't."  


"Yes it is. We always get up at seven."  


She set the clock down and gave him a dirty look. "You were the one shouting in that kid's voice to scare me and wake me up. Do you know how many nightmares you gave me?"  


"It was time to get up," Brahms said insistently. "Like right now."  


Shae lay back down. "I'm not getting up."  


"Now."  


"No!" Shae squinched her eyes shut tight. "Look, if you give me a couple more hours, I'll make you pancakes."  


He stayed beside her, she could hear him breathing. Irritation rose up in her. "You're losing your pancakes, mister."  


"If I give you two hours, you'll get up immediately and make pancakes?"  


She considered that. "Well, no. Not immediately. I need a shower first."  


"You had a bath last night."  


That made her laugh. "I think I've just found out why you get so stinky." When he growled, she sighed heavily. "I didn't wash my hair. I wash my hair every other day and today's hair day. Okay?" She could feel his anger radiating off of him and knew he wasn't going to go away and let her sleep anytime soon unless she brought out the big guns. "Two hours, Brahms. Then you can shower with me and we'll have pancakes, okay? I'll even let you look all you want without yelling at you."  


She opened her eyes and he was gone. Smirking, she rolled over and went right to sleep.  


~*~

  
Shae came awake on her own and stretched, yawning. She hadn't been able to sleep in since she'd come to this god-forsaken house. She'd almost forgotten what it was like. Shae sat up and immediately, Brahms appeared in the doorway.  


"Thanks," Shae said. "I really needed the sleep."  


"You sleep a lot," Brahms noted.  


"And yet I'm still always so exhausted." Shae rubbed at her eyes. "Do you want chocolate chip pancakes?"  


Brahms appeared to perk up. "That exists?"  


"Your mom never made chocolate chip pancakes?" Shae asked, shocked. Brahms shook his head. "Shit. Okay, chocolate chips it is. How do you feel about Mickey Mouse shapes?"  


"I don't have any feelings about them."  


"We'll give them a shot, then. My mom always made chocolate chip pancakes in Mickey Mouse shapes. That was on Sundays. Pancakes and movies until the afternoon." Shae glanced at the clock and gasped. "Oh my god, you gave me _three_ hours?"  


Brahms awkwardly crossed his arms behind his back, also crossing his legs where he stood. "I thought you'd be happier if you got more time."  


"You thought right." Shae threw the covers back and climbed from the bed. She held her hand out to Brahms and he took it. "Just for that, you don't get an angry goodnight kiss tonight."  


He seemed to brighten and she tugged him into the bathroom. She got the water running at just the right temperature, warm but not scorching hot, and then faced Brahms. "Okay. Some ground rules."  


"Rules?" Brahms sounded disapproving.  


"Mmm hmm. There's Brahms rules so it's only fair that there's Shae rules too. Since I'm agreeing to stay with you."  


"What are the Shae rules?" Brahms asked. He sounded as if he knew in advance he wasn't going to like them.  


"Rule one," Shae held up a finger. "No touching."  


Brahms clenched his jaw tightly but nodded once.  


"Rule two," Shae held up another finger, "No touching unless I say it's okay to touch."  


"Shouldn't that be an addendum to rule one?" Brahms asked.  


"No. It's important enough to be another rule. And I want you to remember No Touching before anything else. And rule three..." She gave him a silly smile. "No singing."  


Brahms stared at her. "Why would I sing?"  


"People sing in the shower. I'd rather you didn't if you're going to be in there with me. It's a small space and it gets loud."  


"Did Isaac sing?" Brahms asked sharply.  


Shae looked away. "Yes."  


"Then I won't sing. Or touch. Unless you say I can."  


"Okay, then. Let's do this." Shae shimmied out of her sleep shorts and peeled her underpants off as well. Then she pulled her t-shirt up over her head and dropped it on top of the rest of her pajamas. She let Brahms have a good, long look and then stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain shut behind her.  


She'd gotten her hair completely wet by the time Brahms had hastily discarded his own clothing and stepped in with her. She noticed his erection right away but he was staying toward the back of the shower, not trying to invade her space so that was fine. She lathered up her hair with the shampoo and looked Brahms over curiously.  


"How did you get your scar?" she asked. She gestured to his abdomen. "On your stomach."  


Brahms looked down. "Greta stabbed me."  


"Greta. Who's Greta?" She closed her eyes and tipped her head back to rinse. "Oh, the nanny?"  


"Yes."  


"Why'd she stab you?"  


"I hurt Malcolm. And I made her kiss goodnight when she didn't want to."  


"Good for her." She spun away from him but heard it when his fist hit the wall, hard. "Hey!"  


"It hurt!" Brahms said angrily. "It wasn't good!"  


"Neither was killing that man right in front of her, or hurting Malcolm, or forcing her to kiss you goodnight!" Shae grabbed her conditioner. "Your actions have consequences, Brahms. Sometimes people don't like being treated badly."  


"Like you."  


"Damn right." She rubbed the conditioner into the ends of her hair and then held up the arm he'd gripped last night. Like she knew there would be, there were five purple finger-shaped bruises. "See?"  


Brahms looked at her arm. "I'm sorry." He said it grudgingly, clearly unused to apologizing.  


"Yeah, you sound sorry," Shae muttered. She picked up her body wash and her shower pouf.  


"Why'd you let me in the shower with you if you're so mad at me?" Brahms asked.  


It was a reasonable enough question. Shae didn't want to really think about it right now. She squeezed some gel onto the pouf. "I'm not mad at you. I'm critical of you but that doesn't mean I'm mad at you. There's a difference."  


"If you were really mad at me, you wouldn't let me see you naked?" Brahms asked.  


"Exactly. I'd send you back into the walls like I did yesterday." She started scrubbing her body and Brahms watched the pouf's every movement with hungry eyes. A part of her started to feel guilty for allowing this. It was all a huge tease, wasn't it? Especially with his bobbing erection and the way his hands were tightly gripping the tile walls by his sides. "Um. Brahms? I'm... I'm sorry."  


"It's okay," Brahms said. "What for?"  


She pressed the pouf's suction cup to the wall and walked towards him. "For suggesting this. It was kind of mean. That's why... I'm going to let you touch." His eyes lit up and she held up a hand. "One place! You can touch one place. That's all. Okay?"  


He nodded eagerly and took a step closer. Shae braced herself, trying to tell herself not to flinch when the touch did come.  


And then he reached out and gently cupped the side of her face.  


"Brahms?" she whispered uncertainly.  


He stared down at her and said in a voice like melted honey, "You're so beautiful."  


Her eyelashes fluttered as her eyes closed, swallowing hard. Nothing could have knocked her for more of a loop. She'd been expecting him to dive for her breasts. This was unexpected to say the least.  


She made a decision and reached out for his erection. He gasped and searched her face, trying to understand what was happening.  


"I'm going to help, okay?" Shae whispered. She gripped him firmly and then started to slowly stroke up and down. He panted hard, still touching her face, like she was all that was grounding him right now. "Is this helping, Brahms?"  


"Yes," he wheezed.  


Shae picked up the pace a little and his panting turned into desperate whimpers. Then all at once he went stiff and moaned long and loud as he came in thick spurts all over Shae's fist. Some of it shot up and landed on her left breast.  


"You should probably get under the water now if you want to clean up." She released his cock and smiled up at him. His hand still rested on her face and his thumb now brushed her lips softly. She stepped away from his touch and hugged the wall, letting him brush by her to get under the spray. Now that she was away from it, she started shivering, all wet and cold. "Brahms? I'm going to get out."  


He looked over his shoulder at her. "Okay."  


"Kay," she said softly. Still shivering, she opened the curtain and stepped out onto the bathmat.  


~*~

  
Brahms watched Shae's every move as she made their breakfast. Once she'd showered and dried her hair, she'd put on a black dress with red roses printed on it, a red cardigan, and black tights. Her dark red hair was pulled back in a ponytail, exposing her long, graceful neck. He wanted to kiss her neck like he'd seen his father do to his mother long, long ago. But he had a feeling the "no touch" rule probably held for outside the shower as well.  


His whole body still thrummed from their shower encounter. He'd been pleasuring himself for years so he was familiar enough with that part of his anatomy. However, he'd been completely unprepared for how wonderful it felt having someone else take over. He suddenly felt overwhelming hate for Isaac, who must have gotten lots of help from Shae if she was so good at giving pleasure with only one hand.  


"Here you go." Shae set a plate in front of him. It had scrambled eggs, the Mickey Mouse chocolate chip pancakes, and two links of sausage. "Do you want to eat here or the dining room?"  


"Why?" Brahms asked.  


"Well, you said the mask stays on. So I'm assuming you're going to eat alone since you need to take it off to eat. You know what? You're already sitting so I'll go in the dining room."  


Brahms desperately wanted her to stay. He wanted her to sit in his lap and feed the sausage to him with her fingers, to let him lick the grease off her fingers until she squealed in protest that he was being gross, and then kiss him all over his perfect, unscarred face.  


"Thank you, Shae."  


She'd made her plate and was halfway out the door when she heard him. She paused, clearly surprised. "Um. You're welcome. I left the orange juice on the counter if you want some."  


"Okay." He watched her walk out and then looked down at his plate. It looked delicious. She always made the scrambled eggs extra cheesy. He carefully removed his mask and lifted his fork, eager to dig in. He couldn't ever, ever let her leave if she was going to take this good of care of him.

~*~

Brahms sat in his chair, head tilted back as he listened to his music. At least now that he wasn't living in the walls, it didn't need to be such a loud volume. Shae sat curled up on the sofa, knitting. She glanced over at him and said, "Brahms?"  


"Yes?" He opened his eyes.  


"Can you get up for a minute? I want to look at something."  


"What?" Brahms stood up and Shae bounced up from the sofa, coming over to him with her knitting. She pressed what she'd made so far to his chest. "What are you doing?"  


"I'm seeing how deep the armholes need to be."  


"You're making a sweater for me?"  


She blinked up at him. "Well, yeah. I said I would. Remember? I hope green's okay."  


"It's fine."  


"Besides, you don't really have any clothes of your own. So I can make you this. I'm not sure how comfortable knitted underpants would be, though."  


He chuckled. "Probably itchy."  


"That's what I thought." Shae went to sit back down and Brahms watched her. She'd made him feel so good in the shower and then made a delicious breakfast for him. Now she was making him a sweater?  


Getting up, he went over to the record player and abruptly turned the music off, right in the middle of his favorite aria.  


Shae glanced up from her needles. "What's up? Are you in the mood for something else?"  


"Yes. I thought... maybe you'd want to listen to your music for awhile."  


She stopped what she was doing. "What?"  


"Dance party. That's one of the Shae rules, isn't it? One hour of dance party."  


She lowered her knitting to her lap. "Really?"  


"Yes. Get your phone. Let's dance."  


Shae set her knitting back in her bag and eagerly ran to the mantle where she kept her phone. "It was fun dancing with little doll you."  


"You looked like you were having fun." She looked uncomfortable at that allusion to his hiding and spying on her and he quickly asked, "Do you have the perfect song for me? You always seem to."  


"I think so. Here we go." Shae pushed a button and then rushed over to stand in front of him. The sounds of a synth keyboard filled the room and Shae started twitching her hips.  


_We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind_  
_Cuz your friends don't dance and if they don't dance well they're_  
_No friends of mine_  


"Ready, Brahms?" She grabbed his hands and started to jiggle his arms as she did intricate steps with her feet that he couldn't quite follow. It looked like walking and marching in place at the same time but he couldn't quite make sense of it.  


_I say we can go where we want to_  
_A place where they will never find_  
_And we can act like we come from out of this world,_  
_leave the real one far behind_  
_And we can dance_  


Shae laughed. "Brahms, come on, move your feet!"  


He looked down and awkwardly stumbled along with her, already regretting this suggestion of his.  


_Ah, we can go when we want to, the night is young and so am I_  
_And we can dress real neat from our hands to our feet_  
_And surprise 'em with a victory cry_  


Shae appeared to take pity on his struggle and shook his arms. "Stop, stop. Okay, try this, Pogo with me!" She started hopping up and down to the beat and after initial hesitation, Brahms joined her. It was easy enough and kind of fun, especially with her giggling and smiling up at him.  


_I say, we can act if we want to, if we don't nobody will_  
_And you can act real rude and totally removed_  
_And I can act like an imbecile_  


Suddenly she stopped pogoing and started marching in place, clapping her hands over her head. Brahms followed along.  


_We can dance, we can dance, everything out of control_  
_We can dance, we can dance, doing it from wall to wall_  
_We can dance, we can dance, everybody look at your hands_  
_We can dance, we can dance, everybody takin' the chance_  


She moved away from him and starting dancing on her own and Brahms kept awkwardly marching until the end of the song. Giggling, she went to her phone and shut it off.  


"What's next?" Brahms asked.  


"Your own music." She settled back on the sofa with her knitting. "Thanks for that, but I can tell you're not really comfortable."  


Brahms scowled. "I want you to play your music."  


She looked up at him, wide-eyed. "Brahms, it's fine. We had a good time."  


"I'm trying to be nice!" Brahms shouted.  


She flinched back from him. "Jesus! A for effort but screaming at me how nice you are isn't helping!"  


"Put the music back on!"  


"No!"  


Brahms picked up a vase from the table and heaved it at the wall. "Do it!"  


Shae screamed and covered her head with her arms. She huddled on the couch and Brahms went still. Oh no, he was scaring her. She was upset.  


"Shae?"  


"Go away, you psycho!" she shouted out, thickly. She was crying again.  


Brahms hit his head with his fists, screaming. He always did this! It was how the accident with Emily had happened. She hadn't been acting right and he'd gotten so angry... But now Brahms was so much bigger and stronger, he could hurt Shae even worse.  


Starting to cry himself, he rushed to the wall and found his hidden door, crawling in.  


"Brahms!" Shae called after him but he kept going until he found his special room. The Greta doll was still on the bed and he furiously knocked it to the floor and curled up in a ball in the middle of the mattress.  


_Psycho, psycho, she called me a psycho_. He beat his head with his hands some more and lay there crying until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats


	7. Chapter 7

Shae could hear rain softly pattering on the roof from where she sat up in bed, reading. She'd grabbed a book from the library downstairs, _Wuthering Heights_ , and was enjoying it so far. She paused in mid-sentence _Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same_ and picked up the mug of tea on the night stand and took a sip. When she set it down, she glanced at the closet, which she'd kept open.  


Brahms was standing there. She was proud of herself for not jumping like she usually did. Maybe that horrible mask was losing some of its shock, finally.  


"Hi," she said softly.  


He didn't answer.  


"Are you all right?" She set her book aside. "You didn't have lunch or dinner. Are you hungry?"  


Brahms took a few steps into the room and stood there looking at her.  


"I'm sorry I called you a psycho," Shae said. "You scared me. My... my dad used to yell like that and throw things. Sometimes he'd even hit my mom."  


"Don't be sorry," Brahms said. His voice sounded creaky. "I am. I have a terrible temper."  


"Well, I'll forgive you this time. But don't throw stuff, okay?" She sipped her tea. "I was able to glue the vase back together. You can hardly tell it broke. Well, if you don't look at it for too long."  


Brahms shuffled his feet. "Can I still sleep in here with you?"  


"If you want to," Shae said.  


"Did Isaac ever hit you?" Brahms asked suddenly.  


Shae's eyes widened. "What?"  


"Did he?" Brahms insisted.  


"Brahms..."  


"I want to know," he said. "I need to know."  


Shae shook her head. "No. He rarely ever raised his voice."  


Brahms crossed his arms. "Okay."  


"Are you coming to bed now or did you want something to eat?"  


"I can get something myself," Brahms said. "You're already in bed."  


"All right." Shae glanced at the clock. "I'm gonna turn in soon. I'll probably be asleep when you come back."  


Brahms nodded.  


"So I'd better give you your goodnight kiss now."

~*~

Shae drew back the covers and got up. She wasn't wearing her usual t-shirt and shorts but a pretty sleeveless white nightgown that went all the way down to her feet. She looked like the tragic heroine in an old black and white film, except for her hair. In the light from the lamp, it shone brightly red and nearly took Brahms's breath away.  


She stopped in front of him. "Good night, Brahms." She placed her little hands on his shoulders and rose up on her tip toes to lightly kiss the mouth part of his mask. Brahms' eyes closed. He hated the mask suddenly, wanting to rip it off so he could really feel the warmth of her kiss. But he kept his hands at his sides, careful not to touch her. No touching.  


"Good night," he said finally.  


Slowly, she settled back on her feet and peered up into the mask, searching his eyes. She looked like she was going to say something but instead she just smiled a little ruefully and then dropped her hands from his shoulders, backing up.  


Brahms quickly turned and ran out into the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen.

~*~

A roll of thunder jolted Shae awake. She sat up and looked around the room, startled.  


Brahms rolled over next to her. "What's wrong?"  


Her heart was pounding. "Sorry. Did I wake you?"  


"No."  


"Good." She took a shaky breath. "I don't do so well with storms."  


"Because of sudden loud noises."  


"Yeah." Shae laid back down and went stiff when the lightning flashed outside the window. "Has this been going on long?"  


"Only about ten minutes or so."  


"Ugh." She shivered. "Distract me."  


"How?"  


"Just... talk."  


Brahms cleared his throat. "I don't really talk."  


"Well, now's your chance." The thunder rumbled louder and she whimpered. "Please."  


"Er..." Brahms swallowed. "I like the opera."  


"Uh huh." Shae was trembling as the lightning flashed and then the thunder boomed soon after, even louder.  


"And I like... I like you."  


"Me?"  


"Yes."  


"What about me?"  


"Your hair. And your hands. And your voice." Brahms exhaled and started to sound a little dreamy. "Your eyes. And your laugh. Your... joy and creativity. The way you talk to me like I matter, not because you're afraid of me. Though... you're afraid of me, aren't you?"  


Shae's breathing was coming fast and she was curled up in a tight ball. "Yes but the storm is way scarier than you right now."  


"My parents were afraid of me. Even before the fire, before I became this. Because of my terrible temper. My mother always gave in to me just to make the screaming stop. I'd scream and throw things, the way I still do now. It's just that I was so unhappy. I didn't have any friends except for Emily."  


"Emily?" Shae turned on her side to look at him.  


"The last time I saw her, she was calling me a bossy boots. She said that she was tired of never getting to play what she wanted to play, always letting me go first in games. She said she'd made other friends at school and she wasn't going to play with me anymore." Brahms swallowed hard. "S-so I pushed her."  


"Oh, Brahms," Shae said quietly.  


"She fell and hit her head on a rock. It was bad. You could see... I ran home and told my parents. They wanted to hush it all up but I was always playing with Emily, wasn't I? I'd be the first suspect. Mum told me to stay in the dining room while she and Dad figured out what to do. I sat and ate some of my birthday cake and then that's when I smelled the smoke."  


Shae pressed a hand to her mouth, tears glistening in her eyes.  


"I ran to the door but it was shut. I couldn't get out. I breathed in too much of the smoke and fell. The flames were on me when Dad finally broke the door down and got me out."  


"H-how did the fire start?" Shae asked. "Was it...?"  


"It wasn't me. I'm not sure which of my parents started it but I think it was Mum. Because Dad was the one who came for me. Then they hid me, said I'd died in the blaze. They rebuilt portions of the house with the hidden rooms where I could live. And that's how they made me a psycho."  


Shae's breath caught. "Oh, Brahms, no." She slid across the bed to him but he rolled away from her. She reached out a hand and rolled him to his back. Then she was straddling him, forcing him to look her in the face. "No. You were just a little boy. You weren't evil and you didn't deserve to get locked up in this house."  


He didn't respond.  


Shae bit her lip. "Brahms? Can you take off the mask for a minute?"  


"No."  


"It's dark. I won't be able to see anything."  


"The lightning..."  


"I'll shut my eyes." She did so and whispered. "There, they're shut."  


She heard the whisper of him moving on the sheets and then the soft clink of the mask on the bedside table. "It's off."  


"Okay." Shae reached out and touched his face. His skin felt tight and she could feel him tense beneath her. Then she traced her fingers down to where his beard started and over his lips. "There you are."  


"What are you...?"  


Shae leaned forward and pressed her mouth lightly to his. He gasped and she took advantage of that to nimbly push her tongue into his mouth. She brushed her tongue lightly against his and withdrew to give his bottom lip a soft suck. He was panting hard when she sat back up a little.  


"Brahms? Are you okay?"  


"Can I touch?" he asked urgently. "Shae?"  


"Yeah," she said softly.  


He jolted upward and gripped her to him roughly. He pressed his mouth to hers, sloppy and desperate. Shae made a face and pushed him away.  


"Wait, wait. Slow down. Brahms! Slow down."  


His chest heaved. She couldn't make his face out in the dark, but she loved the way his curls hung over his forehead.  


"Slow. Like I was doing, okay? Match that. That's what nice kissing is like." She leaned in and softly kissed him. "I'm going to use tongue now, okay? But soft. It feels really good. Feel." She slowly opened her mouth over his and ever so lightly traced the tip of her tongue over his. "Okay, you try."  


Brahms gripped her hips and suckled at her upper lip for a moment. Shae felt herself pulsing between her legs, knowing she was getting wet. Then he slowly and softly flicked his tongue over hers before withdrawing to tenderly kiss her lips.  


"Ohhh," Shae trembled. "Yeah, you've got the hang of that."  


His hands lightly gripped her hips and he raised his head to slant his mouth over hers for more sensual, open-mouthed kissing. He never strayed from where he touched her and kept the kissing soft and wet. Shae kissed back and started rocking against him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this aroused. Everything felt so hot and achey.  


She suddenly rolled onto her back and pulled Brahms with her.  


"I- I want," Shae whispered but Brahms silenced her with his mouth. She was so lost in his kiss, she hardly realized that she was sliding his trousers down. Then his hard cock was nudging between her legs, right where she wanted him to be. "Unh..."  


He reached for her underwear and slid them down her legs. He was breathing harshly through his mouth, kissing her all down her neck. "Shae..."  


She whimpered and parted her legs wide.  


"Shae..." Brahms's voice shook. "What do I do?"  


Her eyes flew open. His face was pressed into her neck and he was shaking.  


"Brahms." She wrapped her arms around him. "Do you really want this?"  


"Yes," he said desperately. "But what do I do?"  


"It's okay," she said soothingly. "Lift up a bit, okay?" When he raised himself up on his elbows, she nodded encouragement. "Good. I'm going to guide you in, now."

~*~

Brahms looked down between their bodies and watched her little hand grip his erection. Then she pressed it between her legs and he could feel how wet she was and slid inwards where more wet and heat enveloped him. It was even better than her hand had been just that morning.  


Shae lifted her hips. "Unh!"  


He slid out halfway and then back in, pausing to enjoy the sensation. Shae's legs wrapped around his hips and she feverishly rolled her head on the pillow, gripping his shoulders.  


"Oh, god, I want you. I want this so bad," she moaned.  


Brahms's eyes rolled back in his head and he pulled out and thrust back in roughly two more times before erupting inside of her. She lay twitching beneath him, panting, her hips bucking. He was finished but she wasn't.  


"What do I...?"  


"Stay in," Shae breathed. "Stay in as long as you can. And... and..." She took one of his hands, extended his index finger and pressed it to a little wet nub of flesh. "Rub here. Slow. Up and down, okay?"  


Brahms did as she asked, rubbing her where she asked. He could feel more wetness coat his cock as it slowly softened inside of her. She was whimpering and humping him, and let out a long, low sob suddenly. Her insides gripped his cock and he hissed at the sensation. It felt good, so good he thought if he felt it a few more times he could get hard again. But the fluttering eventually slowed down in intensity and then stopped.  


"No more." Shae moved his hand away. "It's too sensitive now."  


Unsure what to do now, Brahms withdrew from her and she let out a soft little gasp. He wanted another kiss but her head was turned away from him now as she panted.  


"Was that...?" Brahms pulled away uncertainly. "Did I do that right?"  


"Uh huh," Shae said throatily. "Give me a second and we can do the cuddling part, okay?"  


Brahms laid on his back and rubbed his wet fingers on his chest. "There's cuddling?"  


"Mmm hmm. If you do it right." She caught her breath and then scooted across the bed to him. Brahms opened his arms and she nestled down next to him, resting her head on his chest. "Thank you for distracting me from the storm, Brahms."  


With surprise, he glanced at the window. It was still raining but he didn't think he'd heard thunder in awhile. The storm must have passed. He turned back to Shae and nuzzled the hair next to her ear, gratified when she hummed in pleasure.  


"You're welcome," he murmured. "How long does cuddling last?"  


"All night sometimes," she said drowsily and then yawned. "Do you need space to sleep?"  


"I don't know," Brahms said honestly. "I've never cuddled all night."  


"Mmm. Mkay. Then we'll try it. If you need room, go ahead and move me to the other side of the bed."  


"Do _you_ like cuddling all night?" It suddenly occurred to him to ask.  


She lightly kissed his chest, right over his heart. "Don't know. Never cuddled all night before."  


_So take that, Isaac,_ Brahms thought in satisfaction. He kissed her forehead and fell asleep with his nose lightly brushing her hairline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote from "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte


	8. Chapter 8

Shae woke to light kisses along her back and shivered happily. "Brahms?" she murmured.  


"Before you ask, it's eight o'clock," he said dryly.  


Biting her lip, she rolled over to face him but he'd already turned away and was donning his mask again. Her smile dimmed seeing it. "Oh. Thanks for the extra hour."  


"You're welcome." He sat up and stretched. "So is it going to be a bath or shower today?"  


"Bath," Shae said and gave him a significant look. "Alone."  


"Why?" he asked darkly.  


Shae sat up and tossed the covers back, lifting a leg. "I have to shave my legs."  


Brahms reached out a hand and smoothed it over her calf. "I like your legs."  


"I like yours, too." She gave him a loopy sweet smile. "You're crazy tall."  


He laughed. "You're just saying that because you're tiny."  


"Huh uh!" she playfully climbed into his lap and pushed him back onto the pillows. "You're like the product of Lurch from the Addams Family and the Jolly Green Giant."  


His hands settled around her waist and his eyes glittered within the mask. "Did you like last night?"  


Shae smiled. "I did. Did you?"  


He nodded slowly.  


"I notice we woke up apart. Did you need your space after all?"  


"No. You did." He stroked his hands along her hips. "You rolled away from me around dawn."  


"Oh." Shae lowered her head and softly kissed his chest. "Sorry."  


His breath caught. "There's no need to apologize."  


She raised her head and smiled brightly up at him. "Okay. I'm sorry anyway. And I have to go take my bath and stuff. I'll meet your downstairs, okay?"  


"Is that a hint for me to get breakfast started?" Brahms asked.  


"Well, you're more than capable of making oatmeal, aren't you?" She lifted off of him and rolled from the bed. "I won't be long."  


"All right," Brahms said reluctantly.  


Shae threw him one last smile and then shut herself in the bathroom, shivering uncontrollably. God, that mask. It was even creepier after she'd been so intimate with him last night. She went to the tub and turned the taps all the way to hot.

~*~

Brahms was able to figure out how to make oatmeal just fine and had even cut up some fruit as well. When Shae appeared in the kitchen dressed in jeans and a blue fleece pullover, she smiled at him absently and accepted the bowl he handed her.  


"Thanks," she said softly. She turned to go eat in the dining room.  


"Wait," Brahms said.  


Shae paused in the doorway. "Hm?"  


He walked over to her and bent to gently nuzzle her neck. As he suspected would happen, she flinched away. "What's wrong?" Brahms demanded.  


"Nothing, I'm just hungry and want to go eat."  


Brahms shook his head. "What's wrong, Shae?"  


"I told you--"  


"Don't make me ask you again," Brahms said darkly.  


Shae sighed and then met his eyes defiantly. "It's the mask."  


He took a step back in surprise. "What about it?"  


"It's..." Shae's shoulders drooped. "God, do we have to go into this now?"  


"Yes."  


"Ugh. Fine." She tilted her face up to Brahms, looking pleading. "Listen, last night was the first time I haven't felt afraid of you. You had the mask off and I felt like I was making a connection with you. This morning you put it on again right away and it felt like a wall came up between us. It feels like the man I was with last night is gone."  


Brahms leaned in earnestly. "I'm still here."  


"Maybe in the dark. But right now..." Shae shook her head.  


Brahms abruptly stalked from the room. Shae let him go and headed into the dining room, dropping down into one of the chairs. She glumly poked at her oatmeal but didn't feel all that hungry. It didn't help that he'd made the oatmeal really watery so it didn't look all that appealing anyway.  


"Shae." Brahms tapped her shoulder. She lifted her head and saw he was holding a necktie out to her.  


"What am I supposed to--?"  


He stood behind her and tied it around her head to cover her eyes.  


"Brahms?"  


She heard the chair next to her whisper along the carpet as Brahms sat down. Then he was taking her hands and pulling them up to his face. He'd removed the mask and she could feel his beard. She stroked the hair there and then leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his.  


"I know I'm being stupid," Shae whispered.  


"No, you're not stupid," Brahms said softly.  


She clambered out of her chair and into his lap, hugging him tight. "I'm sorry. I hope I'm not making you feel bad."  


"You aren't."  


"Okay." She sat there quietly for a bit, letting him leave light kisses along her neck. "Are you ever going to show me your face?"  


He paused. "I don't know."  


"Will you consider it?"  


"Maybe."  


Shae sighed. "I guess that's the best I'm going to get."  


"What do you want to do today?" Brahms murmured, nuzzling near her ear.  


She lightly stroked the soft curls on the back of his head. "I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. Do you want to do one of your lessons?"  


He chuckled. "No."  


"I think I'm going to get more knitting done. I want you to get your sweater soon. You could do with some color instead of all the earth tones 24/7."  


"I like earth tones."  


"Yeah, they're nice, but so's color and having variety." She poked his chest. "Are you going to eat breakfast in here with me since I'm all blindfolded now?"  


"Yes." Brahms stood and gently placed her back in her chair. "I'll go get my bowl."  


"Okay, I'll be right here."  


"Er. I think I made the oatmeal too watery."  


Shae bit her lip to keep from smiling. "What matters is that you tried."

~*~

Later on, Shae got a lot more of Brahms's sweater done. She put on her music to listen to while she knitted, keeping it low so it wouldn't bother Brahms. She wasn't sure where he was; he'd disappeared not long after breakfast and he hadn't reappeared by lunchtime. It felt nice to have her own space for awhile. Isaac had never really been needy; if anything he was the one craving independence, turning down offers of going out and on one occasion, nudging away a blow job. That had been towards the end of their relationship, so he was probably getting gratification from Rachel on the daily and didn't need whatever Shae had to offer.  


Shae lowered her knitting and huffed out an annoyed breath. Isaac hadn't even been dead a week and here she was re-hashing the bad bits of their relationship. Because if she did that, then she wouldn't have to think of the good bits and start crying again. She was just one step away from tears anyway and had been even before all of the horrible things that had happened in this house. Part of her was wondering why on earth she wasn't packing up her car and going far from this place and far from the sad masked man who hid in the walls.  


She quickly picked up her knitting needles again. She didn't want to think about Brahms except to concentrate on his sweater. It would be a nice, bright green like something her mom would have made for her.  


Jesus Christ. Shae blinked away tears and set her knitting aside yet again. This wasn't working. She was going to need a better distraction than this. Shae went upstairs and dug her tablet out of her purse. She hadn't used it in ages and it should still have some battery life left. She had a few movies on there and picked one of her favorites. Then she changed from her jeans into a pair of silly lounge pants that had big exaggerated lips on them and nestled down in bed. Before too long, she was swept away to 1870's Paris and the glitter and glamour of period costumes.  


"What are you doing?"  


Shae blinked a few times, back to reality. "Hm?"  


Brahms stood in the doorway. "What are you looking at?"  


"I'm watching a movie."  


He stayed where he was and Shae raised her eyebrows. "Do you want to watch with me?"  


"Yes." Brahms came over to the bed and scootched in next to Shae. She leaned against his chest and held up her tablet. "What are you watching?"  


"The Phantom of the Opera. It's one of my favorites."  


"I've read the book," Brahms said.  


"I kind of had a feeling you had," Shae said dryly. She hit the play button and they watched quietly for awhile.  


"These songs aren't very operatic," Brahms remarked.  


"Hm?"  


"They're overwritten pop songs."  


Shae laughed softly. "Well, this wasn't originally an opera. It was a musical in the West End. My mom took me to see it once. God, I loved it."  


Brahms rested his chin on top of her head. "Have you seen much live theater?"  


"I've seen almost all of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Mostly because Mom was such a big fan. I didn't like Cats, though. It creeped me out how all the cat people came out in the audience. One of them scared me so badly I had nightmares for weeks."  


"I don't like cats, either."  


"Cool, then neither of us has to worry about the other bringing home a cat." Shae laughed and then gently nudged him. "This is almost over. What did you want for dinner?"  


Brahms stroked her hair. "I don't mind."  


"I was going to make tacos. I made the tortillas earlier when you were off hiding. Where were you, by the way?"  


"Around," he said noncommittally.  


"Ugh. I hate secrets." Shae pouted and turned back to her screen.  


Brahms gave her a squeeze. "No pouting."  


"That wasn't one of the original rules."  


"So I just made a new one."  


"No way, you already have like, fifty of them."  


Brahms laughed in disbelief. "There's nowhere near fifty of them!"  


"I'm being hyperbolic, you dork!"  


They both laughed for a bit and then settled down for the conclusion of the film. Shae sighed in satisfaction. "I'm always going to love this movie, even if you tell me the songs aren't opera enough."  


"Love what you want," Brahms said. "It doesn't concern me."  


"I kind of hate that she doesn't pick Erik, though. That she goes off with the other guy."  


"I had a feeling you did," Brahms said mockingly and Shae whacked him with a pillow.

~*~

That night, Brahms woke in the darkness, still clutching Shae. They'd had sex earlier and she was still nude, breathing softly on his neck. He was proud of himself for lasting a little longer this time and he hadn't needed direction for how to give her an orgasm. She said he was a quick study and then she'd fallen asleep in seconds. She really did sleep a lot, his Shae.  


As if sensing his wakefulness, she stirred and yawned. "Brahms?"  


"Yes?"  


"Why are you still awake?" She pressed her nose into his neck. "Go to sleep."  


"Can't."  


"Why can't?"  


"I was thinking."  


Shae laughed, a soft puff of air that sent a shiver down his back and made the hairs on his neck stand up. "You don't want to start doing that, believe me."  


"I was thinking about the story you were telling me."  


"What story?" she asked. One of her hands rested on his chest and she ruffled his hair there.  


"The story about the prince. You left off with him in the dark forest."  


"Shit, that's right. I totally forgot about it." She kissed his neck softly.  


"So how does it end?"  


"You know I was making it up off the top of my head, right?"  


"So finish it."  


Shae scoffed. "God, you're a brat. Fine, if it'll make you sleep."  


"It will."  


"Okay. Anyway. The prince was making his way through the dark forest when he suddenly walked into something sticky. He realized it was a huge spider's web and he was completely stuck in it. Nothing he could do could shake him loose. And unfortunately, his struggling had woken the spider which was really huge, too." Shae yawned. "Sorry. So the prince went still but it was too late. The spider wrapped him up to eat him later. It looked bad for the prince."  


Brahms waited. She didn't say anything more.  


"Well?" Brahms finally asked.  


She jerked. "I'm sorry, I fell asleep again."  


Brahms sighed in frustration. "You were supposed to finish my story."  


Shae whined softly. "Brahms, I'm tired."  


"Fine." He shoved her rudely away from him.  


"God!" she cried out and was so shocked, she toppled over the side of the bed.  


Brahms sat up quickly. "Shae!" He hopped out and found her curled up on the floor. "I'm sorry, I-"  


Her little fist shot out and caught him in the nose, making him howl.  


"I told you not to hurt me!" she shouted.  


Snarling, Brahms picked her up and threw her back onto the bed. "It was an accident but now you're back in bed. Happy?"  


"No!"  


"Good! Neither am I!"  


Shae lay there fuming and then picked up his mask off the bedside table and threw it at him. "Go sleep someplace else."  


"I thought you didn't want me in the walls," he said nastily.  


"You can sleep on the lawn for all I fucking care, but you aren't sleeping in here!"  


Brahms gritted his teeth. "I want to sleep with you."  


"Well, I don't want to sleep with you!"  


"What if there's another storm? Who will protect you?"  


"You are a _shit_!" she hissed.  


Brahms knelt on the bed. "And yet you stay. Why's that, Shae? Haven't got anywhere else to go?"  


She was quiet a moment and then he heard the ragged sound of her crying. He was immediately filled with contrition and got into bed next to her.  


"I'm sorry, Shae. I'm a shit, just like you said."  


"Don't talk to me," she choked out. "You can sleep in here but don't talk to me and don't fucking touch me."  


"No touching," Brahms whispered.  


Shae turned her back to him and cried for nearly an hour before she settled down into sleep. Brahms rolled to his back and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't sleep a wink the rest of the night.


	9. Chapter 9

The next week, Shae didn't see Brahms at all or hear from him, either. She was just fine with that, especially during day two of No Brahms when her period started. For three days straight, she stayed in bed with her heating pad, ate ice cream, and watched _The Princess Bride_ and _Dirty Dancing_ back to back. She stayed in her pajamas, took hot showers by herself, and slept in as late as she felt like. It reminded her of being a pre-teen during the summer, when she was too young to get a job and could do what she liked.  


Just when she started to feel lonely, Gerry came to drop off the groceries and she talked him into staying and having a cup of tea. He told her funny stories about his new granddaughter and getting to laugh with someone made her feel almost normal. Again, Gerry gently suggested that she visit the town and this time Shae said she'd consider it. She wasn't sure if the sight of her leaving would bring Brahms out of hiding and she was divided on if she really wanted that to happen or not. On one hand, it was nice not fighting with him every other day, but on the other hand she was starting to go stir-crazy by herself. Gerry visiting once a week wasn't going to be enough for her.  


She was sitting in the kitchen one day eating a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup when she heard an odd pulsing bassline from the parlor. Confused, she stood up, wondering if she had left her phone on but it didn't sound like any music she owned.  


_Beneath the bebop moon_  
_I wanna croon_  
_With you_  
_Beneath the mambo sun_  
_I got to be the one_  
_With you, with you_  
_You_  


Shae dropped her spoon and walked cautiously to the parlor. She peeked her head into the room, holding onto the door frame with one hand.  
Brahms was in the room, shaking his head like a wet dog and air guitaring, tapping one of his feet in time with the beat. He didn't seem to notice her yet and she stayed quiet, uncertain if this display was intended for her.  


_My life's a shadowless horse_  
_If I can't get across_  
_To you_  
_In the alligator rain_  
_My heart's all pain_  
_For you, for you_  
_You_  


Suddenly he looked in her direction and started singing along. "Girl you're good and I've got wild knees for you. On a mountain range, I'm Doctor Strange, for you, for you, you." He started walking up to her, playing air bongos and despite their big fight and his disappearing act, she started to giggle into her hand.  


Grabbing her hands, he tugged her into the room to dance with her. He was still not terribly good at it but seemed much more comfortable in his skin than he'd been the last time they'd attempted this.  


"Upon a savage lake, make no mistake," he leaned in and whispered the next lyric, "I love you."  


Shae went still and stared at him in disbelief.  


"I got a powder keg leg, and my wig's all pooped for you, for you, you." He dropped to his knees and pressed her hands to his face, letting her fingertips under the mask. "With my heart in my hand, I'm a hungry man for you. I got stars in my beard, and I feel real weird for you."  


Slowly, he curled her fingers around the edge of the mask and let her lift it away.  


Her breath caught in her throat and the hand holding his mask fell limply to her side. There was pretty significant damage to the left side of his face, almost gruesome in fact. She'd been expecting that, since she'd seen him naked and he'd had quite a lot of scarring on his left side rather than his right. The right side of his face had seen some damage but nowhere near as bad. There was just a line of scar tissue running from the corner of his eye down to his beard. Other than that, he was perfectly handsome on that side, though rather pale.  


They stood there staring at one another until the music ended.  


"I'm not good," Brahms said. "But I'm trying to be."  


She looked down at the mask in her hand and then back at him.  


"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you so hard, I really didn't it. A-and I know I ended up bruising your hip right after I promised I'd never hurt you again." His voice broke. "I don't want to hurt you. I never want that. I'm going to be better. From now on."  


Shae nodded. "Brahms, I need you to agree to something right now, okay? So I can take your promise seriously."  


"What is it?" Brahms asked.  


She looked deep into his dark, dark eyes and took a huge chance. "If you hurt me again, in any way, I can leave. And you can't stop me."  


"In any way?" he asked, looking worried. "Even with words?"  


"This promise doesn't guarantee that I _will_ leave," she said. "Just that I can. And yes, even if you hurt me with words."  


Brahms swallowed hard. "I don't want you to leave."  


"Promise me, Brahms," Shae said quietly.  


He stared at the mask in her hands for a very long time. She was about to drop the damn thing to the floor and walk out but then he said, "I promise."  


She stared long and hard into his face before appearing to be satisfied and nodded slowly. "Okay." Breaking eye contact, she crossed the room to the record player and took out the vinyl. "T. Rex? I didn't know this was your style."  


Brahms rose to his feet. "I found Dad's old records in the basement. He enjoyed glam rock quite a bit before settling down with Mum."  


Shae giggled softly. "Wow. Is this what you've been doing all this time? Polishing your dance moves?"  


A sheepish smile crossed his face. "Some of the time, yeah. There's an old record player in the basement as well. I'd practice there. And spend some time watching music videos to figure out how to dance."  


"Where did you find music videos?" Shae asked.  


"I've got a telly in my room," Brahms said. "And old videos to watch."  


She sighed softly. "Busy boy." Carefully putting the record back in its slip cover, she put on a smile for him. "I want to finish lunch. Are you hungry?"  


He shifted his hands into his pockets and nodded.  


~*~

  
Shae gave Brahms the other half of her grilled cheese and the rest of the pot of tomato soup. They ate across from each other without a word. Brahms seemed disappointed and Shae knew his performance hadn't drawn the response he'd been hoping for. But a grand display with a love declaration entirely too soon wasn't enough to cover him shoving her from the bed with bruising force and taunting her so hatefully. She'd watched her mother forgive her father again and again for the most heinous, violent acts and as much as she loved her mother, she didn't want to follow in her footsteps.  


After they'd finished the last of their lunch, Shae started cleaning up. She expected Brahms to go sulking off to nurse his wounded pride but he stayed at the table, watching her. It was starting to get on her nerves and she wanted to scream at him but she just focused on the task at hand.  


When she'd finished scrubbing out the soup pot and set it on the dish rack to dry, Brahms asked, "What do you want to do now?"  


"Well, I've got to empty out the rat traps," Shae said. "I haven't done it in nearly a week. We'll be over-run otherwise."  


"Okay." Brahms folded his hands. "Do you want me to put my mask on again?"  


She shook her head. "Whatever makes you comfortable, Brahms. I'll be back in a bit, okay?" She went to the door and pulled on her boots and coat, not looking at him as she went out the door.

~*~

Shae was shaking a dead rat into an open plastic garbage sack when she heard, "Hello? Miss Willingham?" She gasped and spun around.  


A man in his mid-thirties with a goatee stood just a few feet away. "I'm sorry I startled you. I was knocking at the house but there was no answer. I saw your car and figured you were on the grounds somewhere."  


"Can I help you?" Shae cinched the bag shut and walked over to the man.  


"I certainly hope so. I'm DI Barker. Could you tell me when you last saw Jules Van Arden?"  


Shae frowned. "Jules? Over a week ago. I don't get a cell phone signal way out here so he came here to tell me in person that a friend of ours had died."  


"This friend is Isaac Morton?"  


"That's right." Shae's eyes filled with tears. "Wait, why are you asking about Jules?"  


"He was expected at Rachel Adamley's home to help plan the funeral but he never arrived. Did he tell you where he was going when he was here?"  


Shae shook her head. "No, I was... well, I was too upset by the news about Isaac to really... I needed to go lay down right after he told me. He wanted to stay and help me, but I told him I wanted to be alone. He brought me up a cup of tea and went on his way."  


"Just like that?"  


"No, I... he said other things but I think it was mostly asking how he could help. There was nothing he could do, though." Shae smiled, pained. "It was a pretty awful day."  


The inspector nodded. "I'm sure it was. Well, in case you remember anything else," he took a card out of his pocket and held it out to Shae who accepted it. "Give us a ring then, eh?"  


"Of course. I hope Jules is okay." Shae frowned. "It's not like him to disappear."  


"Good day, Miss Willingham."  


"Good day."  


She watched DI Barker walk around the house and then she quickly disposed of the rats and ran in through the kitchen door. Brahms was standing there, eyes crazed.  


"It's okay, he's leaving," Shae said.  


"What did you tell him?" Brahms demanded.  


"Nothing," she said quickly. "He was asking about Jules. I told him I didn't know where he was. That's true enough, isn't it?"  


Brahms stood still and tense until they heard the police officer's car drive away. Then he looked at her solemnly. "You're pale."  


"I need to sit down," Shae said. She crossed to the table and sagged into a chair. When Brahms sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her, she met his embrace and hugged him tightly, burying her face in the front of her sweater.  


"Shae? You're shaking." Brahms pulled her into his lap and cradled her. "What's the matter?"  


"I feel sick," she whispered.  


Brahms stood up, holding her. "Do you need to go to bed?"  


"Uh huh," she whimpered. "Oh, Brahms..."  


"Shhhhh." He carried her upstairs to her room and got her situated on the bed. He paused to help her out of her jacket and then pulled her boots off. "Tell me what's wrong."  


"I hate cops," she said heatedly. "I fucking hate them."  


"He won't bother you again," Brahms said confidently.  


"How can you be so...?"  


"Trust me on this," he said. He placed a hand over hers. "It's the last you'll see of that man."  


"Why? Are you going to kill him?"  


Brahms made a comical _what the fuck_ face. "He's long gone. How am I going to do that?"  


Shae laughed weakly and shut her eyes. "I don't know. It was the first thing that came to mind. Sorry."  


"Don't be." He stroked her hair. "Get some rest, okay?" He stood up to leave but Shae's little fingers snagged his sleeve.  


"Wait. Stay with me?"  


"Are you sure?" Brahms asked.  


She nodded, eyes big and sad. "Please, Brahms?"  


He laid down next to her on top of the covers. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be, anyway."  


Sighing softly, she let her hand drop from its grip on his sleeve and clasped his hand. She fell asleep with their fingers linked together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are "Mambo Sun" by T.Rex


	10. Chapter 10

Shae came awake in stages, stretching and murmuring softly to herself. Someone gently stroked her hair and she purred, blinking awake. Brahms was still in bed next to her, sitting up against the headboard and reading a book.  


"'cha readin'?" she mumbled.  


He smiled down at her and flipped the cover to her. "Phantom."  


"Ah." She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. "You really stayed with me."  


"You asked." Brahms set his book aside. "Besides, I haven't seen you in a week. I've missed you."  


"Did you really?" Shae reached out a hand and lightly stroked the scarred side of his face. "It seems like all we ever do is fight. What's there to miss?"  


Brahms shrugged. "At least I'm talking to someone."  


"Oh, Brahms." Shae straddled his lap and hugged him tightly. "Bad company isn't better than no company."  


"You haven't been ignored for over twenty years."  


She kissed his ear. "I'm not ignoring you now."  


"Good."  


She drew back to look into his face and seeing the sadness there, she leaned in and ever so softly kissed him. He drew in air through his nose sharply and then slowly opened his mouth for her tongue. She tapped it lightly against his and then pulled back to lightly lick his bottom lip. When he gasped, she dove back in kissing him deeply.  


His hands clutched at her back and she slowly started grinding against his lap. When she felt him hardening and lengthening through his trousers, she drew back. He let out a puff of air in protest but fell silent when she tugged her long sleeved t-shirt off and then stood up to wriggle out of her jeans. In only her underwear, she got back onto the bed and started tugging at Brahms's clothes until he got the hint and undressed himself. Once he was fully naked, she unclasped her bra and dropped it to the floor. Eyes on his, she slid her underpants down her legs and tossed them across the room.  


"We haven't done this in the light before," she said throatily.  


Brahms could only shake his head.  


Shae got back into his lap and lightly grasped his erection. "Ready?"  


He nodded, eyes riveted to where her hand was.  


Lifting up, she brought the tip of his cock to her opening and then sank slowly onto him. He hissed and held on to her thighs, panting. She knew he was going to pop off any second unless she got him under control.  


"Brahms," she said gently but firmly. "Look at me, okay?"  


Reluctanly, he tore his gaze from where their bodies were joined and looked wildly into her eyes. He jerked his hips and whimpered.  


"Shhhh," she whispered. "We're going to try something. To distract you. You want this to last, right?"  


He nodded exuberantly.  


"Okay, then. This will sound stupid but I promise it works. We're going to sing the ABC's."  


Through his fog of lust and desperation, he was able to register what she said and look baffled. "The ABC's?"  


"Yeah. I know you know them. Sing it with me, okay?" She looked into his eyes and sang softly, "A,B,C,D..."  


He cleared his throat and shakily managed, "E,F,G..."  


"Good," she kissed his cheek. "H,I,J,K..."  


"L,M,N,O,P." He was already starting to look less crazed.  


They continued on together until Z and then did it over again. By then, the initial urgency had passed and Shae experimentally lifted and then lowered again. He moaned but otherwise seemed fine so she slowly rode him for awhile. When she started feeling more tingly and hot, she started riding him faster and forgot to monitor his excitement level, so lost in how good she was feeling. He gripped her hips tightly and she felt his lips clasp on to her left nipple and start sucking urgently.  


Her gut clenched. "Brahms," she moaned. "Oh god, Brahms." His teeth bit into her nipple and she cried out, the heat building up inside of her. "Do it again!"  


He bit down a little harder on her nipple and then gave it a quick lick followed by a hard suck and that was all it took. Shae came hard, shaking and moaning low in her throat. She grasped a fistful of Brahms's dark curls and kissed him hard.  


Snarling, Brahms threw her onto her back and pounded inside of her. To her shock, she came again and screamed out, scratching her nails down Brahms's back. His eyes rolled back in his head and he went stiff all over, groaning deep and long.  


"The way you squeeze me," he said shakily. He collapsed on top of her, pressing his face into her neck. "There's nothing else like it. God, I love you."  


Moved, she stroked the soft hair on the back of his head and kissed all down his face. "You're such a sweetheart."  


"Am I?" he asked dreamily.  


"Mmm hmm." She nuzzled his ear. "Feelin' sleepy?"  


He chuckled. "A little."  


She gently pushed his chest and he lifted off of her. His dick slipped from between her legs and she sighed at its loss. Once he was laying down under the covers, she got up and started picking up her clothes.  


"Cuddling," he protested.  


She looked up from dressing and gave him a sweet smile. "You sleep. I'm gonna get dinner started. I was thinking spaghetti. Yeah?"  


He rested his head on the pillow and nodded, closing his eyes.  


"Okay. I'll come wake you when it's ready." She came over to the bed and kissed his forehead. "Brahms?"  


"Mmm."  


"That was the best you've ever been."  


He went to sleep with a big, foolish smile on his face.

~*~

While the water boiled, Shae picked up the kitchen phone and dialed a number. She sighed as it rang five times but then finally, "Hello?"  


"Lil. Hey."  


"Shae?" Her former roommate sounded surprised. "Wow, it's been months. I was thinking I'd never hear from you."  


"Yeah, there's not very good cell coverage out here. Plus I wanted to be off the grid for awhile."  


Lily was quiet for a couple beats. "There's been people looking for you. Police."  


"I know. They found me." She sagged against the counter. "What the fuck's been going on?"  


"Well, first of all, Jules came here looking for you," Lily said. "Shae... Isaac's dead."  


A lump formed in Shae's throat and she coughed to clear it, holding the phone away. "I know," she said once she'd recovered. "Jules came here and told me."  


"Oh, Shae," Lily said quietly. "I'm so sorry."  


"Yeah. I..." Shae dropped her face into her hand and sniffled. "Have they found Jules yet?"  


"I haven't heard anything. I'm not exactly in the loop, though. They were mostly your crowd. I only ever saw them at parties." Lily paused. "And the police came to speak with you?"  


Shae sighed. "Yes. Asking about Jules."  


"It's so weird. What do you think happened?"  


"Haven't the foggiest." Shae rubbed the back of her neck. "Listen, I figured with all this going on... I've been off the grid long enough. So now you have a number to reach me at. It's the Heelshire's landline. If anybody else wants to get in touch with me, you can just give them this number. I don't really want any more unexpected guests, you know? I'd like to keep my job."  


"Sure, of course. How's it going, anyway?"  


"Good. The little boy's pretty shy but I think he likes me."  


"Awww. Of course he does. You're great with kids."  


Shae smiled. "Thanks, Lil. I miss you, you know."  


"I miss you, too. The flat's quiet without you and all your stupid '80s music."  


Laughing, Shae went to the stove and dropped the spaghetti noodles into the boiling water. "You loved it and you know it."  


"Yeah, yeah. Well, whenever you're done babysitting in the ass end of nowhere, your room's still open to you." Lily the trust fund baby hadn't really needed a roommate but had invited Shae to live with her when they were students because she was lonely and had spooked herself too badly watching horror films.  


"Thanks. Listen, I've gotta go, I'm making the kid his dinner. I'll call back some other time and we'll have a proper chat and catch up for real, okay?"  


"Sounds good. Call soon."  


"I will. Bye."  


"Bye, Shae."  


Shae drew in a long, shaky breath and hung the phone up. Now she'd be emotionally prepared if anyone else burst in on her and Brahms. And they'd have time to plan.

~*~

After dinner, Shae and Brahms took a bath together which turned into another hot sexual encounter that turned cold when Shae's grasping hands accidentally turned the shower taps on to a freezing blast. Shae yelped, taking most of the cold water on her back and Brahms had roared with laughter until he'd reached out with his long leg and turned it all off again. She'd shivered in his arms until he'd nuzzled and kissed her warm and then lifted her up out of the tub to fuck her up against the bathroom door. They came at the same time, something Shae told him rarely ever happened to people and certainly had never happened to her.  


Brahms dried her off afterward and pulled a long sleep shirt over her head, swatting her soft ass lightly and told her to get to bed. She settled beneath the covers and Brahms slid in beside her, gathering her close to kiss all over her shoulders and chest.  


"Do you want to watch anything before bed?" Brahms asked.  


"Nah, I'm not in the mood." She stroked his hair. "How about story time? Want to find out what happens to the prince?"  


He went still. "Er... it's not important."  


"It's okay, Brahms," she said softly. "I'm going to finish your story, okay?"  


Looking wary, he nodded and drew back from her, resting on his side to look at her.  


"Well, when we last left the prince, he was wrapped up in a spider's web about to be eaten." Shae's eyes glittered and Brahms relaxed a little, smiling. "The prince was just saying his prayers when he heard a terrible shriek from the spider and then someone was cutting him loose from the spider webbing. When he fell to the ground, he looked all around him for his rescuer but there was no one. Only the dead spider with a beautiful jeweled sword stuck in it. The prince pulled the sword loose and wiped the spider's black blood onto the spider's web and then he went much, much more carefully through the forest.  


"A few hours later, he started to see sunlight up ahead of him and before he knew it, he was free of the forest. Now all that was left was the Misty Mountain. He could see it off in the distance and steeled himself for a long hike. A day and a half later, he reached a village at the foot of the mountains where he got climbing gear and warmer clothes. The people there warned him that hiking the mountain was a fool's quest, that no one had ever reached the top before. The prince didn't care. After a good night's sleep he set out at dawn the next morning and climbed all day."  


Shae shifted a little closer to Brahms and kissed his chin.  


"What was that for?" he asked.  


"For being a good listener." She smiled at him and then continued his story. "Anyway, the prince climbed for days and days and never seemed to get any closer to the top. One day, a rock troll came rolling out of its cave and roared at him to stop climbing. He wanted to know what the prince was doing on his mountain. The prince explained his quest and the troll told him that he'd have to pay if he wanted to keep climbing.  


"The prince was at a loss what to do. He'd used all of his money in the village getting his mountaineering supplies. But then he remembered the sword. He presented it to the troll who accepted it graciously and let the prince continue climbing.  


"Finally, he was getting closer to the top. It was just within reach. But the prince was so tired. He didn't think he could make it any farther. His grip on the rope slackened and he thought he was about to fall all the way down to the bottom. But then he realized someone at the top was pulling him up. He held on and hoped that it wasn't another troll."  


She cupped his face gently. "And it wasn't. When he reached the top, there was a girl there. She had long, curly dark hair and beautiful dark eyes. She said hello to the prince but he was so taken by her beauty that he couldn't respond. The girl took his hand and said 'I'm the Princess of Misty Mountain. I've been waiting for you for so long. A witch put me to sleep at the bottom of the Shining Waters but your boat woke me. I followed you into the dark forest and slayed the spider who captured you. And then I got to the mountain before you so I could help you if you needed it. I'm your dear heart's friend and I will love you until the end of my days.'"  


Brahms stared into her eyes intently. "Then what happened?"  


"Well, the prince had found his friend. His quest was over. They lived on Misty Mountain and lived happily ever after." She patted his arm. "So was your story worth waiting for?"  


Brahms nodded, thoughtfully. "Yes. Not bad for pulling it out of your ass." He laughed wildly when she bopped him a good one with a pillow.


	11. Chapter 11

The weeks passed peacefully with no more major blowups between Shae and Brahms. Shae's bruises faded and she'd started sleeping the whole night in his arms, never pulling away at dawn again. They spent most of the day together but it surprisingly didn't feel all that suffocating. While listening to Puccini, Shae finally finished his green sweater and excitedly had him try it on right then. When she told him how handsome he looked, he tossed her onto the sofa and learned on the spot how to bring her to orgasm using only his tongue.  


A few times, Shae called Lily and they updated each other on their lives. Lily was able to guess that Shae was seeing someone but Shae refused to talk about it, despite Lily's excited squeals. Brahms was usually in the other room and she didn't want him to overhear anything. Besides, she could remember that Isaac would get sulky about how much information Shae would share with her friends about their personal life and she didn't want to make the same mistake with Brahms. He'd probably be even less understanding since he didn't have any friends and wouldn't really get why she'd want to tell the story about teaching Brahms doggy-style only for him to pause and shyly ask for her to turn around because he missed her.  


One day, Shae had Brahms bent over the sink and was washing his hair in preparation for a haircut.  


"I'm more than capable of trimming my own hair," Brahms protested. "I've done it for years."  


"Yeah, I can tell." He reached over and pinched her butt and she squawked in protest. "Hey! No pinching!"  


"I thought you liked my hair."  


"I do. But you're getting a little shaggy. And I want to trim your beard, too."  


Brahms threw his arms up in the air. "I haven't got a bloody job interview."  


"No, that's true." She pouted a little, tilting her head to the side. "Don't you wanna look pretty for me?"  


He looked torn. "Well... yes."  


"Then let's do this."  


So she turned the kitchen into a hair studio and got Brahms shirtless and standing over the sink while she washed out his hair. It didn't look as bad as it had the first time she'd met him and after she'd started him using a cream rinse, his hair always felt so soft in her hands.  


"Is my hair clean enough yet?"  


"Oh." Sheepishly, she shut the water off and handed Brahms a towel. "Sorry. I got carried away. You know how much I like touching your hair."  


He gave her a big, boyish grin and started toweling his hair a bit. "I'm surprised I have any left, the way you always grab it when you're climaxing."  


She giggled, having never heard a man refer to it that way before. "Okay, sit down." She patted a chair and he dropped into it. She got to work combing his hair out and then picked up the scissors. He sat perfectly still for his haircut, only getting handsy once and he stopped right away when she warned him that if he distracted her, he'd probably lose an ear.  


She had the razor in her hand, neatening up the hair on his nape when she realized the phone was ringing. "Oh shit." She quickly turned the razor off and hurried to the phone.  


"Can't it wait?" Brahms asked, sounding grumpy.  


"No. Lily said she'd only call me if something's up." She picked up the phone. "Hello, Heelshire residence."  


"Fuck, Shae. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."  


Shae's heart leaped into her throat. "Lily what's wrong?"  


"She was here and she was going fucking mental! She kept wanting to know where you were and I wouldn't tell her. God, what a loony, how did Isaac ever--"  


"Lily, what's going on?" Shae cried out. Brahms stood, looking alarmed and she turned her back to him. She couldn't focus on his shit right now.  


"It's Rachel. She was here looking for you. A-and she wouldn't take no for an answer so I gave her your number. The number to the house I mean."  


Shae groaned. "Lily..."  


"Hey, at least she's not driving out there to confront you, right? And the old auntie still hasn't come home so there's no risk of her picking up the phone and getting an earful."  


"I don't get it, what the hell's Rachel upset about?"  


"I don't know. She was raving so badly about how she was going to end you, I couldn't make much sense of it. Fuck, Shae. Maybe don't answer the phone for a few days until she calms down?"  


Shae rubbed a hand over her face. "No, I'll just get it over with. Let her scream until she tires herself out over what it is I've supposedly done."  


"You didn't do anything," Lily insisted. "I know it. She's just grieving and needs someone to be mad at. She called me a dizzy cow!"  


"In your own home?" Shae laughed. "Fucking bitch."  


"I know." Lily laughed too and then let out a shaky breath. "Anyway. It just happened so I'm not sure when she's going to call you. Maybe she's trying right now but the line's engaged."  


"Then we better hang up," Shae said grimly. "Thanks for warning me, Lil."  


"Any time. Hurry up and finish your nanny gig then come home. I miss you."  


"Miss you, too. Bye."  


"Bye."  


Shae hung up the phone and turned back to Brahms. He was sitting back down again but looked pensive.  


"What's wrong?" he asked lowly.  


Shae sighed and came back to him, picking up the razor once more. "Rachel went to my old place trying to find me. She upset Lily and apparently Rachel will be calling us soon."  


"What's she have to be mad at you for?" Brahms bent his head and let her buzz the rest of his stray hairs. "Didn't surrender your fiance to her fast enough?"  


"Guess we'll find out," Shae said. "Tilt your head the other way so I can get at your beard now."  


He did so and gave her a sweet, reassuring smile. Shae did her best to return it and got back to work.  


~*~

  
They were settling into bed when the phone finally rang. Shae had been tense all day and it was almost a relief to finally have the very thing she'd been dreading happen. Brahms gave her a sympathetic smile and she nodded back, crossing to the desk where the phone was. She sat down facing away from Brahms and picked up the receiver.  


"Hello, Heelshire residence."  


"Oh, listen to you. So fucking proper. All priiiiim and properrrrrr."  


"Rachel?" She sounded drunk. It made sense. Probably had to get nice and pissed before calling up your dead fiance's ex. How else would doing so seem like a good idea?  


"You're fuckin' right it's Rachel. Rachel Adamley. I was... I was gonna be Rachel Morton b-but..." She started sobbing pathetically.  


"Rachel, you should probably just hang up and go to bed," Shae said softly. "You'll feel better in the morning."  


"No! No I _won't_ feel better! Because I'll still know! I-I know what you were up to! Did you think I'd never find out?!" Rachel was shouting through her tears and Shae could just barely understand her. "I'm not bloody stupid! I knew something was up all along, I just had no proof! Not until now!"  


Shae went very still. "I don't know what you're talking about, Rachel," she said calmly.  


"No? Not a clue? Haven't the faintest idea? Well, how about this, bitch, I found the phone. The fucking pay-as-you go phone Isaac was using to text you. Huh? Anything to say to that?"  


Slumping back in her chair and pressing a hand to her forehead Shae said, "I don't understand."  


"The secret phone! With the text messages! I know he was sending them to you!" She was getting even more hysterical. "Listen to these! 'I miss you so much babe. Please meet me later. Rachel's driving me crazy with all this wedding shit, it's all going so fast.' He sent these to you!"  


Shae was quiet for a long moment and then said gently and sadly, "Oh, Rachel."  


"It- it was you! It _was_ you. I know it!" Rachel's voice was starting to sound uncertain but no less desperate.  


"He's done this before," Shae whispered. "I'm so sorry it had to happen to you, too."  


Rachel sobbed uncontrollably. "God. Oh, god. He was cheating on me and now he's dead and I can't be mad at him for it. Why? Why??"  


"I don't know. I'm so sorry, Rachel."  


"Yeah, I'll bet you are." Still crying but she was calming down, sounding bitter. "Sweet Shae. Sweet good-natured Shae, always such a good sport, the one all his friends liked, the one I was never gonna live up to, even though I won him, didn't I? I got Isaac but you still had everything. Everyone likes you more. His mother was trying to talk him out of marrying me. You know that? I read all the emails she sent him, begging him to reconsider, asking why he'd had to chuck you."  


"Rachel, you should probably go to bed now," Shae said, still sounding sad. "Drink some water first. Where are you staying?"  


"At my flat," Rachel said, sounding like a scared, sad little girl.  


"Don't stay there," Shae said firmly. "Go to a friend's place. You're not in any condition to be by yourself. Okay?"  


Rachel sniffled. "Okay. I just... I found the phone this morning and I-I got so..."  


"I know," Shae said.  


"Yes. Yes, you would." Rachel sniffled again and then coughed. "Er. Goodbye."  


"Goodbye," Shae said but Rachel had already hung up. She set the phone down and then got up, pushing the desk chair back in. She went to the bed where Brahms was sitting up and staring in unabashed interest.  


"Jesus," he said with feeling.  


"Yeah." Shae got into bed. "Lot of fucking nerve she had, calling me for sympathy. I could have told her he couldn't keep his dick in his pants."  


Brahms rubbed her shoulder. "Are you alright?"  


She thought about it a moment and then slowly shook her head. "No. I'm really not."  


"Do you want me to sleep somewhere else?"  


She looked up into his eyes and smiled. "No, of course not. I'm just not in the mood for anything, though, okay?"  


"That's fine." He nodded. "My new haircut will still look pretty tomorrow and you can have your way with me then, eh?"  


Shae laughed softly. "Yeah. I'm... I'm really glad you're here, Brahms. I couldn't have faced all that if I was only in this house with a doll."  


Brahms leaned over and softly kissed her forehead. "Lay down. I'll get the light."  


"Thank you." Shae laid down and pulled the covers to her chin, watching him reach and switch off the lamp. Then he laid down beside her, keeping his distance. That was no good, so she scooched across the bed and draped herself across his chest. She laid her head directly over his heart, listening to its steady beat as she slowly faded into sleep.

~*~

The room was filled with sunlight when Shae woke. Surprised, she sat up and looked at the clock. It was almost noon. He'd let her sleep in the entire morning? She tossed the comforter off of her and swung her legs out of bed. Was that the smell of bacon? Shae tipped her head back like a puppy and sniffed the air. It was. Well, holy shit.  


When she got downstairs, Brahms was at the stove, carefully laying slices of bacon onto a paper towel. He looked up, sensing her, and smiled.  


"What's all this?" Shae asked.  


"Brunch." He nodded to the table which held two place settings. "Go ahead and sit. I'll serve you."  


Shae sat down. "You cook now?"  


"I've watched you do this enough times. Think I've got the gist of it. I made all your favorites: eggs sunny side up, bacon, hash browns..."  


She rested her elbow on the table, propping her head on her hand. "Brahms, this is wonderful. Thank you."  


His shoulders hunched and he shrugged. With his back to her, she could see that adorably his ears had turned red. "Well. You had such a miserable day yesterday, I wanted you to have a bit of a lie in. You deserve it."  


He brought a plate of food to her and placed it in front of her. Before he could pull away, she grabbed his wrist. She looked up into his eyes, feeling her own fill with tears. "Seriously, though, Brahms. This was so lovely of you. Thank you."  


"You're welcome," Brahms said and took the seat across from her. He picked up his bacon. "I'm not sure I really made these just right. I know you don't like them chewy but they may be over-cooked."  


Shae bit her lip, not looking at the bacon. "It's perfect."

~*~

"Okay, sit here." Shae brought a kitchen chair into the parlor. Brahms did as she asked, looking puzzled. "Now wait for your surprise like a good boy, okay?"  


"Why do I need to sit in this chair?" Brahms asked. He gestured to all the other furniture in the room. "There's much more comfortable ones in here. And why are you in your robe?"  


Shae groaned. "Brahms, it won't work on the other chairs, okay? Just let me do this. You'll love it, I swear." She ran her phone over to the mantel and fiddled with the buttons then flew from the room.  


Brahms turned to watch her go, huffing in annoyance. That annoyance increased ten fold when the music started. It was more of that synthetic music from the 80s that she liked so much. This song managed to sound a little less insipid than she usually went for, though. Almost smoky and mysterious.  


Shae slipped into the room, moving slow and sexy. Brahms sat up a little straighter.  


_Her hair is harlow gold_  
_Her lips a sweet surprise_  
_Her hands are never cold_  
_She's got Bette Davis eyes_  


Shae approached him, hips twitching and untied the belt of her robe, letting it slide open to see a black silk bra he hadn't seen before.  


_She'll turn the music on you_  
_You won't have to think twice_  
_She's pure as New York snow_  
_She's got Bette Davis eyes_  


Her smile turned wicked and she spun around, dropping low and let the robe slide off entirely. She peeked at him over her shoulder, eyes gleaming and rose upright once more, sticking her sweet ass out as she did so. Her underpants were also black silk, tied with red ribbons. His fingers itched to untie those ribbons.  


_And she'll tease you, she'll unease you_  
_All the better just to please you_  
_She's precocious_  
_And she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush_  
_She got Greta Garbo stand-off sighs, she's got_  
_Bette Davis eyes_  


She started moving her hips to the beat, the way she would when they were in bed together, and raised her arms over her head, slowly turning to face him once more. With hooded eyes, she lowered her arms, running her fingers over her beautiful dark red hair.  


_She'll let you take her home_  
_It whets her appetite_  
_She'll lay you on the throne_  
_She got Bette Davis eyes_  
_She'll take a tumble on you_  
_Roll you like you were dice_  
_Until you come up blue_  
_She's got Bette Davis eyes_  


Turning away from him once more, she took enough slow, dancey steps away from him that he worried she was leaving and reached out for her but she only bent again, plucking at those red ribbons, making him grit his teeth. She came back to him then, promise shining in her eyes and before he even knew what was happening, she was in his lap, her body gyrating, her hand sliding down her body and down between her legs. He gasped, jolting upright to watch.  


_She'll expose you, when she snows you_  
_Off your feet with the crumbs she throws you_  
_She's ferocious_  
_And she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush_  
_All the boys think she's a spy, she's got_  
_Bette Davis eyes_  


With her head tilted back, looking at her lovely doll-like face upside down, he watched her red lips part and say his name.  


"What?" he managed shakily.  


"I love you."  


Snarling, he lifted her up out of his lap and spun her around. He watched her eyes widen in alarm and demanded, "Say it again."  


She drew in a shaky breath. "I love you, Brahms."  


"Mean it. Tell me you mean it."  


She nodded. "I-I mean it."  


He grabbed her and they toppled to the floor. Shae cried out but Brahms had his arm under her, taking the force of the landing. He ripped at the ribbons on her underpants, tore them off of her body and threw the mangled fabric across the room.  


She gasped. "Brahms! I..."  


He silenced her with a kiss, not quite the hard, desperate kisses he attempted as a horny virgin and not the teasing light nibbles Shae had taught him. This was something dark and erotic, something that was wild and maybe a little frightening. But she didn't fight him off, she kissed back, her arms wrapping around him and then down to his trousers, pushing them off.  


"Oh god, fuck me, please fuck me..."  


Once he was free of his trousers, he thrust into her hard, making her yelp. He paused, suddenly uncertain of his feral lust. "Shae, are you...?"  


"Please oh please oh please fuck me," she sobbed, her hips bucking.  


He growled low and thrust hard and fast in short strokes. "You. Are. Mine."  


She whimpered, her fingers twined in his hair.  


"Say it. Fucking say it, Shae."  


"Yours! Oh god, I'm yours, Brahms, love you, love you so much."  


Brahms knew he was close but wanted to hold out for her. He reached down, fingering her hot, slippery clit. "I love you, my beautiful girl."  


Shae screamed as she climaxed, strangling his cock so hard, his vision went white before he found his own release, shaking all over. He nearly collapsed but didn't want to hurt Shae so sort of bonelessly sunk part on top of her, part on the floor.  


Her arms wrapped around him, her lips nuzzling his ear. "I do, you know. I love you, Brahms."  


He closed his eyes shut tight. "And I love you. For always. No matter what."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes


	12. Chapter 12

They moved upstairs to their bedroom for cuddling which turned heated and Brahms had her legs over his shoulders as she chanted his name over and over. Ever since the love declaration, there was something new about her, an extra shine in her eye that made his heart pound. She'd always been affectionate with him, yes, but this... this was more than he could ever have wished for. He especially liked suddenly looking over at her only to find she'd already been looking at him, her face full of such adoration he almost looked behind him, positive that that warmth couldn't possibly be for him.  


How could that idiot of an ex of hers ever let her go?  


"Brahms?" Shae kissed the scarred side of his face. He liked that she never neglected that side.  


"Mmm?" He smoothed a hand down her back.  


"I'm gonna go make us dinner. You hungry?"  


He grabbed her ass. "Ravenous."  


Giggling, she gave him a soft kiss and pulled away from his grabby hands. Free from the bed, she slipped her robe on and gave him one last adoring smile before leaving the room. He watched her go and sighed, sinking back under the covers. He was just dozing off when an electronic chirp woke him up.  


He scowled and looked at the bedside table. It was Shae's phone, letting him know that the battery was running low on power. Grumbling, he sat up and found the charger and plugged it in. There. Maybe he could get some sleep.  


But now he was awake. He picked up the phone again and typed in her code. She'd never told it to him but he'd watched her do this before. He took a moment to look at the picture Shae had selected of she and her mother and then opened her picture folder to scroll through it. There were lots of pictures of Shae's mother that he scrolled past; Shae had shown them to him before. The two of them on a beach, sitting at a table with beads making jewelry, preparing meals together, hugging one another... Then there were the pictures of Lily. He'd seen those, too. She wasn't pretty like Shae, but was interesting looking, wearing all black and styling her dark hair in an old-fashioned bob.  


Finally, he found the pictures Shae hadn't shown him, the ones she'd scrolled hurriedly past. The pictures of Isaac.  


He had a warm, slightly round face. Friendliness shone out of his big brown eyes and he had a mop of longish blond curls, the kind Shae liked, the kind that hung over his forehead. Brahms immediately loathed him. Most of the pictures were of Isaac by himself, sitting at a kitchen table with a laptop or reading a book or just smiling for Shae. In many he was with the man Brahms had killed, the one who had attacked Shae. He didn't see why someone like Isaac would have been friends with a little weasel like Jules. Probably met when they were children and Isaac felt obligated to keep the friendship.  


Then there were the pictures with Shae. He'd looked warm and friendly in all of his other pictures but with Shae... it was clear he'd adored her. Isaac's eyes practically glowed when he looked at Shae. And Shae, well. He knew that look well enough by now. Sick jealousy pooled in his gut, made all the more worse because there was no reason to be jealous. She hadn't known Brahms, Brahms hadn't known her. She'd had a whole life without him and unfortunately that included Isaac.  


Brahms glanced at the door and then got out of the pictures folder and started scrolling through her text messages. Most were from Lily, quite a few from someone called Pam, and there were a few other girls' names here and there. Then there were the ones from Isaac, older and buried deeper, sure, but she hadn't deleted them.  


_"I'll get the rest when you're at work. I'm sorry, Shae, I really am."_  
_"I know."_  
_"I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. But now that I know... I'm just weak. You'll be better off without me. I still love you. I think I'll always love you."_  
_"Stop. I'm blocking your number after today so this ends here."_  


And it did. There were no more messages between them. He scrolled to the other messages from her friends, bored, and read some of those. He started frowning and glanced at the door again. "Always," he mumbled to himself. "No matter what."

~*~

A few days later, they were sat at the table putting together a puzzle Shae had found in Brahms' childhood bedroom. It was one thousand pieces showing a picture of Notre Dame and she suggested they put it together; she couldn't remember the last time she'd assembled a puzzle.  


Brahms watched her now as she bit her lip and worked on connecting edge pieces. She felt his stare and looked up at him, smiling.  


"What's on your mind?" she asked. "You've been quiet today. Well. Quieter than usual."  


"I wanted to ask something but I don't want to upset you," Brahms said.  


That made her smile fade. "What is it?"  


He struggled for a moment and then decided to just rip the bandage off. "How did Isaac die?"  


Shae sat back in her chair. "I don't..."  


Brahms sighed in frustration. "I knew it would upset you."  


"I'm not..." she sighed as well. "Okay, yeah, I'm upset. But only because I don't know where this is coming from."  


"I was curious. I know all about your mother's death, but I don't know how Isaac died." Brahms hunched his shoulders. "Forget it. I'm over-stepping. Sorry."  


She bit her lip and watched him move puzzle pieces around for about a minute. Then, "It was a hit and run accident."  


Brahms stopped moving and looked at her, watching her carefully.  


She wasn't looking at him, hands folded in front of her. "He was crossing the road on his lunch hour and someone hit him. The car had been stolen and the police thought that the thief panicked and knew they couldn't stop after hitting him. They found the car in an alley a few blocks away. And Isaac was unconscious. He never woke up, he was in a coma for about a month and a half before he finally..."  


"And they never found the driver?"  


Shae slowly shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes. "God, Brahms. It's so awful. H-he never woke up, he never got to say goodbye to anyone..."  


"Oh, love," Brahms breathed, he opened his arms to her and she came around the table, nestling down in his lap. "And you came here so you wouldn't have to think about it."  


She nodded. "Everything in London reminded me of him. I was... I was actually..." Brahms waited for her to recover before she was finally able to whisper, "I was going to kill myself. I'd had it all planned. I'd written a note for Lily and I was going to jump off our building."  


"No," Brahms's voice broke, clutching her to him. He didn't want to picture that but now it was all he could see in his mind's eye, his beautiful Shae splattered all over the road, her red hair made redder and matted with blood.  


Sniffling, her arms tightened around his neck. "But then I got the email from your aunt about coming here. It sounded so secluded and wonderful, it was everything I needed while I tried to figure out what to do. Whether I should end my life or not. So I came here a-and I found you." She pulled back to look up at him. "My sweet boy, you've saved me more than once. I love you so much."  


He pressed his forehead to hers. "Shae..."  


The front door opened and they both went still. Shae lifted her head away from his and looked around.  


"Miss Willingham?" a familiar voice called.  


"Oh my god," Shae breathed. "Brahms, it's your aunt."  


Brahms stood up quickly and set Shae on her feet. "She can't know you know about me," he whispered fiercely. "Don't let on."  


"But--!"  


"I'm sorry. I've got to--"  


Her footsteps got closer. "Miss Willingham? Shae?"  


Brahms shoved Shae between the shoulder blades. "Go meet her. Now. I've got to hide."  


"What are you--?"  


But Brahms was opening one of his many hidey holes and ducking into his wall sanctuary.

~*~

"Ms. Heelshire?" Shae met the older woman in the hall with a puzzled smile on her face. Ms. Heelshire reacted with shock, crying out in surprise and dropping her handbag. "Oh! Are you alright?"  


"Of... of course, dear, I'm just..." Ms. Heelshire knelt and picked up her bag, scooping her wallet and cosmetics back in that had spilled out. "I'm just an old ninny. I half expected you not to be here anymore."  


Shae smiled. "Why would I leave when you pay me well enough to babysit a... well. Brahms."  


"Yes. And how is... Brahms?" Ms. Heelshire asked cautiously.  


"He's fine. We were just putting together a puzzle. Why didn't you call? I'd have had tea ready for you but I could make some now if you like." Shae looked around Ms. Heelshire. "Is your luggage out in the car?"  


Ms. Heelshire looked behind her as if she'd forgotten what luggage was. "Oh, yes. Yes, it is. I... I think I'd like that tea before I bring anything in."  


"Of course." Shae led the way into the kitchen and was so relieved to see that Brahms had sneaked the doll onto a chair while they'd been occupied in the hall. She picked up the kettle from the stove and started to fill it with water. "How was your trip?"  


"It was fine." Ms. Heelshire sat down in the chair farthest from Brahms. "How's everything been here?"  


"Good. Quiet." Shae smiled ruefully over her shoulder at Ms. Heelshire. "Brahms doesn't have as much sass-mouth as other children I've minded."  


Ms. Heelshire laughed, startled. "No, I imagine he doesn't."  


Shae gathered together the rest of the tea things and even laid out a dish of ginger snaps she'd baked that morning. They sat down together and sipped their tea quietly.  


"Did you finish your business in Cornwall?" Shae asked.  


Ms. Heelshire coughed. "Er, no. No, I didn't. I just thought I'd come visit. Make sure the house was still standing. That sort of thing."  


"A phone call could have accomplished that," Shae said gently. "You didn't have to come all this way just for me."  


Tears stood in the old lady's eyes. "Well, I... I suppose I'm just a foolish old woman." She wiped at her eyes with her hand and then held her teacup to her chest. "Such terrible things have happened in this house and I was worried about you. And I felt... well, I felt terrible leaving you here. Simply terrible. That's all."  


Shae reached out a hand and gently held Ms. Heelshire's. "I'm fine. Nothing happened. I'm a lot tougher than I look, Ms. Heelshire."  


"I suppose you are." Ms. Heelshire looked thoughtful. "You must be."  


"There." Shae nodded. "So, now that you're back, are you going to keep me on?"  


Ms. Heelshire's eyes widened. "I... I suppose that's up to Brahms. You two have been getting on, yes?"  


_Getting it on_. Shae kept a straight face and nodded.  


"Good." She added softly, "That's good."  


They finished their tea and Shae offered to carry in Ms. Heelshire's bags. After a moment of protest, she allowed Shae to carry in one. When they brought everything upstairs to Ms. Heelshire's room, Shae saw that Brahms had picked up their bedroom. His clothes were nowhere in sight and he'd even changed the sheets so they wouldn't smell like the sex they'd had just that morning. She bit her lip and walked on.

~*~

That night, Shae tossed and turned. Now that she'd gotten so used to sleeping all curled up with Brahms, she couldn't sleep without him. It was almost as bad as it had been when Isaac had left, though she'd had enough time to adjust when he was staying out late with "friends" so often in the days leading up to his leaving.  


Shae sat up and sighed. "Brahms?" she whispered. Before revealing himself, he'd watched her in the walls for weeks. Maybe he was there now. "Brahms? Are you there?"  


No answer. Sighing, she got up and went to her door, opening it carefully. She crept down the hall and stopped outside Ms. Heelshire's door. She could hear the old woman snoring inside and tip toed back to her room where she softly shut the door. For a moment, she stood in the middle of the room, chewing her lip in indecision. Then she finally went to her closet and opened it, stepping in to press at the back of the closet until she found the catch that swung the secret door open.  


Holding her breath, she crept through the passage and followed the sounds of a television quietly playing. There was light just up ahead and Shae came around a corner and there was a small living space there. She could see a fridge and microwave and a flat screen television mounted on the wall. And there was Brahms, laying on a small bed, dozing.  


She crept over to him and tapped his shoulder. "Brahms?"  


He jerked awake, crying out. His reaction surprised her and she jumped back, yelping.  


"What are you doing in here?" Brahms hissed through gritted teeth.  


"I-! I missed you so I thought I'd..." She looked around the room. "This is a lot nicer than I imagined."  


Brahms pointed. "Go back. Now."  


"Can't I just--"  


"No. Go!"  


Shae's eyes filled with tears. "Why are you acting like this?"  


"You can't stay in here, Shae." He tried to gentle his tone but she could still tell he was angry. "If she wakes up and finds you gone, she'll know I had something to do with it. Go back to bed."  


"But I can't sleep," she whispered.  


He softened and stood, crossing the room to her. He dropped his forehead to the top of her head, lightly kissing her hair. "You know I want nothing more than to be in bed with you, yeah?"  


"So come with me," she said. "You can leave in the morning."  


"No." But he took her hand and led her back to the bedroom.  


Her heart beat excitedly as she climbed into bed and then held her arms open for him. But all he did was pull the blankets up over her and grasp her shoulder to gently push her so she was laying down.  


"Good night, Shae," he said.  


"Kiss," she said back.  


Brahms laughed softly. "I don't think you'll behave yourself if I do."  


"It's the rule," she reminded him.  


"Ah. It is, isn't it. Well, then." He bent and left a soft kiss on her lips. But while he was down, she twined her arms around his neck and teased her tongue at his closed mouth, whimpering sweetly.  


To her shock, he removed her arms from his neck and stood up. "Goodnight, love."  


She could only stare in disbelief as he walked back to the closet and through the secret door. Once he was gone, she buried her head in her pillow and cried.

~*~

"Dear, if you don't mind me saying so, it looks as if you've had a rough night," Ms. Heelshire said, not unkindly.  


Shae grumpily poked at her porridge. "I couldn't sleep."  


Ms. Heelshire lowered her spoon. "I'm sorry to hear that. I've spoken to Brahms this morning. He'd like you to stay on."  


"Oh, would he?" Shae said a little sharply, making the old woman raise her eyebrows. "Well. I suppose I'll stay then."  


Ms. Heelshire was quiet a long time and then said with forced lightness. "I think you've been cooped up in this house long enough though, Shae. How would you like the afternoon off?"  


Shae paused. "I could do that?"  


"Well, why on earth not? Every nanny gets a day off. You've been here two months now without a break. Go ahead and spend the day in town. Get some shopping done. A beautiful girl like you shouldn't be locked away from the rest of the world." Ms. Heelshire raised her voice slightly and Shae knew she was making sure Brahms heard this.  


Thinking of him crouched in the walls, eavesdropping, Shae smiled sweetly. "Thanks, Ms. Heelshire. I think that's just what I need."  


"Dear, I think we can dispsense with the formalities at this point. You can call me Mildred."  


Shae's smile turned sincere. "Thank you, Mildred."  


"Of course." The woman took a sip of her tea and gave Shae a little wink.

~*~

While driving into town, Shae could hear her phone chirp. She had new messages. She'd have to check them later. She clutched her steering wheel with white knuckles until she got to the town and then parked, releasing a long breath of relief. Her stomach still did a few flip flops, but the thought of getting to spend her big Heelshire money was a nice distraction.  


First she went into a shop and bought a package of men's underpants. When the cashier looked at her askance, she smiled bashfully and said, "They make really comfy sleep shorts. And they're less expensive than the same thing for women, you know?"  


The woman looked surprised and then gave her a little smile. "Yes, miss."  


Shae next went to a yarn shop and bought a few skeins of different colored yarn. She wanted to make Brahms another sweater and a few pairs of socks as well. He mostly went barefoot and his ice cold feet brushing against hers always yanked her right out of a sound sleep. Then she went into a small video place and picked up a few movies she liked. The ones on her tablet were getting a little stale since she watched them so much.  


After stowing her shopping back in her car, she went to the library and signed up for a library card. The woman behind the counter was friendly and made lots of gothic horror suggestions so Shae picked up each of them and then went to the reading room with all the old newspapers. She picked up one from 1991 and read all about the death of little Emily Cribbs and the Heelshire house fire. Then she went forward and read about Greta Evans and the murder of her ex-boyfriend. The story stayed on the front page for months and Shae read every single article, riveted. Apparently, the boyfriend had been abusive and had once beaten Greta so badly she'd had a miscarriage.  


Upset, Shae lowered the paper. It didn't bother her that Brahms had killed the abusive piece of shit. But she didn't like this Greta rotting in prison for a crime she hadn't committed. And the poor local man, Malcolm. He'd just fallen in with the wrong girl at the wrong time. What a mess. She considered going to the police but her gut clenched at the idea. No. No police.  


_I guess I'm just a garbage person_. Glumly, Shae put the papers away and then checked out her books. She went to have lunch in a little cafe mostly patronized by blue haired ladies and Shae had a lovely quiche and read one of her books. She drew some curious stares but no one seemed antagonistic. She smiled at one of the old women and got a rather hesitant one in return, but a smile was a smile.  


Later, at the car, Shae picked up her phone and started listening to her voice mail. There were several messages from Lily that she went ahead and deleted after listening to them. A couple from Jules which she instantly deleted, along with the one from DI Barker. The last one made her go cold inside.  


"Miss Willingham," a man with a Scottish accent said. "Ehm. You don't know me. My name is Hunter Adamley. I'm... I'm Rachel's father. If you could call me when you get this, I'd... I'd appreciate it. Thank you."  


He left a number but Shae just went through her missed call list and with shaking fingers, returned the call. The phone only rang twice before he picked up. "Hello?"  


"Hi, is this Mr. Adamley?"  


"It is. I suppose you're Shae?"  


"I am." Shae cleared her throat. "Is...?"  


"I know it's odd of me to call you," the man said awkwardly. He sounded like he was struggling to speak as well. "I apologize. But I wanted... I needed to tell you."  


Her stomach roiled. "Tell me what?"  


"Rachel killed herself three days ago." His breathing was ragged. "She was at a friend's house and ate every pill in the girl's medicine chest. She left a note and she specifically mentioned you."  


Shae's heart beat so hard she worried she was about to die as well. "Me?"  


"Yes. She... she wanted to tell you how sorry she was. For everything with Isaac. She loved him but she always hated having to destroy your happiness in order for her to be able to attain hers." His voice broke. "She really was a lovely girl, Miss Willingham. She wasn't like that, she'd never been a home wrecker before, she just... she just..."  


"I'm sorry, Mr. Adamley," Shae whispered. "I'm so sorry."  


"So I just," the man made an effort to rally himself. "I just wanted you to know. That she was sorry. You'll forgive me for not sending you a copy of the note, I-"  


"No, of course not. That wouldn't be right. Thank you for telling me, Mr. Adamley. I'm so sorry for your family's loss."  


"Thank you. Goodbye, Miss Willingham."  


"Goodbye."  


She hung up the phone with numb fingers and then drove back to the Heelshire house in a fog. It was lucky no other cars were on the road, otherwise she would have been in an accident for all the attention she paid to her surroundings.  


Finally back at the house, Shae gathered up her bags and struggled up the stairs. It was starting to get dark and Mildred had left a few lights on to better guide her steps. But walking was difficult even if huge stadium lights had been lighting her way.  


"Shae?" Mildred called. "I've made some soup if you're hungry." She came into the room, smiling but came to a halt when she saw Shae's face. "Good god, love, are you alright? You're so pale!"  


"I need to lay down," Shae said grimly. "Thank you for the soup but I'm not really that hungry. I think I'll just turn in early."  


"Of course. Do you--"  


"I just need to lay down," Shae reiterated, starting up the stairs. "Good night, Mildred."  


"Good night, Shae," Mildred said, sounding worried.  


In her room, Shae dropped her bags to the ground and then sagged to the bed. She laid there and shook, not crying, not anything. Just shaking.


	13. Chapter 13

Shae stayed in bed the next three days. Mildred came to check on her periodically, leaving tea and toast that Shae sipped and nibbled at but never finished. The older woman would frown at the left overs and offer to call a doctor but Shae would mechanically say she was all right, she just needed to lay down until she felt better.  


"Did something happen in town?" Mildred asked on the second day, sounding angry. "Did someone say something to you?"  


"No." Shae stared sightlessly at the wall. "Everyone in town was fine."  


"If someone did something," Mildred said fiercely, "If they hurt you--"  


"No one hurt me," Shae said. "I'm sorry to worry you, Mildred. This just happens sometimes. I get blue and need to lay down. The worst was when the cancer killed my mom. I stayed in bed for three weeks. I lost my job. My flat mate had to take care of me. I promise this isn't as bad as that. I'll be better soon."  


Mildred hesitated and then placed a gentle hand on Shae's shoulder. "You take as long as you need, love. I'm here."  


"Thank you." Shae's vision blurred with tears and Mildred quietly slipped from the room to give her privacy.  


On the third day, Mildred asked Shae what her favorite flavor of ice cream was. Shae looked befuddled and said butterscotch, and Mildred announced her intention to go get Shae a treat. Through her misery, Shae was touched by the offer. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to enjoy her ice cream when the thought of Rachel's bloated face came into her mind every second, the vomit coated around her mouth and her friend's horrified screams at finding her that way.  


When she heard Mildred's car leave, the closet door opened and Brahms was at her side.  


"Shae. Oh, my Shae."  


"Look who it is," Shae said listlessly. "It's the cowardly shit lord who hides from his elderly aunt in the walls of his house. God, you're so fucking weird, Brahms. Why does everything have to be so fucking _weird_?"  


Brahms gripped her shoulder. "Talk to me. What's happened?"  


"What's happened? You dumped me and my life sucks and Rachel's dead and I'm stuck babysitting a god damned doll."  


He sat back on his heels. "What?!"  


"I don't know what was hard to understand about that. I mean, your life sucks, too, right? You got as much education as an eight year old does, you accidentally killed your best friend, nearly perished yourself in a fire, and now you live in the walls like some horror movie psychopath." She started laughing and couldn't stop. "And then I fucked you and fell in love with you. I don't understand anything anymore."  


"Shhh." Brahms rubbed her back as her hysterical laughter turned into sobbing. "Shae, my love, I'm going to take you into the bathroom, now. I'll give you a bath and you'll feel better."  


"Ah, yes, the magical cure," Shae mumbled as he scooped her up into his arms and carried her into the bathroom. He propped her up against the side of the tub as he filled it with warm water and then tugged her nightgown off over her head and placed her in the water. She sighed and sat there as he carefully poured cupfuls of water over her head, dampening her hair.  


"Tell me again," Brahms finally said, once he started working shampoo into her tangled hair. "Point by point. Rachel's dead?"  


"Yeah." Shae sounded more grounded now. "Her dad called me. She killed herself."  


Brahms paused. "Oh, fuck."  


"Yeah, oh fuck." Shae swallowed hard. "I can't stop picturing it."  


"It's not your fault. You didn't tell her to do anything like that. In fact, you told her to go to a friend's house so she wouldn't do anything self-destructive, yeah?" He started to rinse her hair out with the water in the cup.  


"Fat lot of good that did." Shae closed her eyes.  


"But you tried." She didn't respond and he set the cup aside. He picked up her pouf and squeezed her shower gel onto it. "And that other thing. You think I dumped you?"  


"Didn't you?" she asked flatly. "It feels like you did."  


"I haven't," he said earnestly. "I still love you."  


Shae laughed bitterly. "You can't tell that from my end. You've stayed away from me for days. I really needed you that first night especially and you never came to me. I'd hoped and... and you didn't. You suck."  


"I do," Brahms agreed. "But I'm here now."  


"Only because your aunt's out of the house. If she came in the door right now, you'd go running back inside the wall, wouldn't you?" When he didn't respond she snatched the pouf out of his hand. "I can take over from here. Go away."  


"Not until we've straightened this out."  


"It's straightened. You rejected me and I still hurt from it. I'm not ready to forgive you and I want you to go away."  


Brahms sat by the tub, watching her sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't come out and see you. I didn't realize... well, I knew you were upset and I wanted so badly to come to you. But Aunt Millie sleeps so lightly and she's been sleeping even lighter all through this because she's worried about you, too. I stayed on the other side of your door, listening to you breathe and all I wanted was to be by your side. I love you, Shae. Please believe me."  


She didn't answer, just scrubbed herself. Finally, she grumpily said, "There's a blue sack in my room. It's on the floor by the bed. There's something for you in there. I got it when I was in town."  


He hesitated and then rose to his feet, going into the other room. He found the bag easily enough with other bags of shopping she'd dropped days ago. The plastic bag crinkled as he opened it and pulled out the package of underwear.  


"You got me pants?" he called into the bathroom.  


"Yeah. So you don't have to go commando anymore."  


Brahms went back and stood in the bathroom doorway. "You thought of me when you were in town?"  


"Yeah." She was scrubbing her chest and looked up at him. "I got some yarn to make you another sweater. And some socks, too."  


He came back into the room and slid to his knees next to the tub. "Shae, I promise you, things will be better now. I swear that I'll make them that way. It won't always be like this."  


"Uh huh. When your aunt leaves. For now, I'm SOL."  


Brahms shook his head. "No. While she's here. It'll be better."  


"I'll believe that when I see it." She looked back up at him. "I've got this. Go."  


He leaned forward and kissed her temple. "I love you."  


"Yeah." She continued to scrub herself but a little harder.  


Reluctantly, Brahms rose to his feet and went back through his secret door in the closet.

~*~

When Mildred came home, she was relieved to see that Shae was up and had even bathed. She put Shae's ice cream in the freezer and proudly showed Shae that she'd even picked up a pizza when she was in town along with two bottles of beer. The women sat down right then and started eating and drinking.  


"So," Shae said when she was halfway through her bottle. "What was Brahms like? The real Brahms, not the creepy doll."  


Mildred raised her eyebrows. "You know there's a real Brahms?"  


"Yeah. Gerry told me what happened."  


"Gerry," Mildred scoffed. "Yes, you'd hear everything from that old gossip."  


"So?" Shae prompted her. "Brahms. What was little Brahms like?"  


For a moment, Mildred thought. She picked up a slice of pizza and took a bite, chewing for longer than was necessary. Then she swallowed and sighed heavily. "Well. He was my brother's son."  


"Yeah, that's... that's what nephews tend to be," Shae said.  


Mildred gave her a look. "Oh, hush." When Shae giggled, Mildred smiled as well. "Brahms was a quiet boy. Except when he had his rages. Oh, that boy could rage. He was very particular that everyone be the way they were supposed to be, to do what he thought they were supposed to be doing. I once came to visit and didn't have a present for him so he threw a rock through my car window."  


"What a little shit!" Shae exclaimed.  


"Oh, but it was an _accident_ ," Mildred said mockingly. "At least that's what my brother's wife said. Ugh. Belinda. That grubby little climber. She came from nowhere and hooked herself some money and did her best to bleed my brother dry. How practical is this house? It isn't. They could have sold up and gotten a nice place somewhere more populated but Belinda wouldn't have it. No, she had to be the lady of the manor. That ridiculous woman."  


"And Brahms?" Shae wanted to steer this back on course.  


"Oh, Brahms." Mildred shook her head. "So much wasted potential there. I came to visit quite a bit, see. My brother and I are the only children in our family. We had no other siblings, none of our aunts and uncles had children so there were no cousins. It was just the two of us. So yes, I visited often. Brahms was a lovely baby. He'd laugh uproariously when I did this." Mildred crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out, making Shae giggle. "Yes. A lovely little lad. It was only as he got older... he was so secretive and quiet. Never tried to make friends at school. The Cribbs girl would come here to play but I think that's something Belinda twisted Mrs. Cribbs' arm about until she agreed. I couldn't imagine wanting to have my child anywhere near Brahms."  


Shae frowned. "What did he do besides be quiet?"  


"I know how this sounds," Mildred said. "Quiet children are fine. It was just the nature of his quiet, you see. Like he was judging you. Planning something. And for all his politeness he could still be so damned rude. When I'd come, his parents would force him to greet me as you do with any child, and he would. Every adult knows a child doesn't give a fig for greeting them or how they're doing. Just like every child knows the adult doesn't really care how they're doing in school. But it's what's done, isn't it? It's what you say. And Brahms refused to take part in even that much. He's say hello and just stand there in sullen silence. Until Belinda would send him upstairs to play or outside."  


"So he didn't like you either?" Shae asked.  


"That's the strange thing," Mildred said slowly. "I think in his way, he rather did like me. I understood him. His mother deified him and his father was a bit nervous with him, but Auntie Millie? I knew who he was. He liked the gifts I'd bring him. After the car incident, I always made sure he had something. And I never asked him about school. Belinda would already tell me all about it, how well he was doing with sums and his grammar and all that. And my brother would tell me how he was bullied so I knew the poor little chap was miserable. So I'd ask him about his stories. His games. And sometimes he'd answer me. Or he'd at least smile."  


"You sound like a good aunt." Shae sipped her beer.  


Mildred snorted. "Hardly. I'm an old bitch and always have been. I just know who he is. Brahms. I've always known."  


"Who he was," Shae corrected her.  


"Yes." Mildred nodded. "Who he was. Yes."  


They ate the rest of their pizza in silence.

~*~

Shae woke to someone laying down in bed beside her. "Hmm?"  


"Shhh." Brahms's arms circled around her. "It's only me."  


"Hi." She cuddled close to him. "Tryin' to make up with me?"  


"Yes." He nuzzled her neck, making her purr. "Can't have my girl thinking I've dumped her."  


She pushed his chest and pouted. "Been mean to your girl."  


"I have. I'll be nice from now on, though."  


"I've heard that promise before." Shae rolled away sleepily.  


Brahms sighed. "You haven't slept in days, love. I'm going to let you get your rest but I just wanted to say hello. I'll check in every night from now on, okay?"  


"Mmm. Okay."  


He kissed her ear. "I love you."  


"Love you."  


He smiled and left her to sleep peacefully. He hoped that this helped make his past mistakes hurt a little less for her. And hopefully that talk she had with Mildred about his childhood didn't make her think too poorly of him. He stayed outside her door, listening to her breathe until he was satisfied that she was going to sleep through the night. He went back to his lonely room but left his heart with her.


	14. Chapter 14

"Unh!" Brahms was pumping inside of her slowly while sucking roughly at her neck. He'd made good on his promise, coming to see her once he was satisfied that Mildred was asleep. Shae pressed a hand to her mouth in order to keep quiet. The last few nights they'd been able to do this; building a cozy little nest on the floor when they realized the bed was too squeaky. It almost felt like she was back in high school, sneaking in her boyfriend through the window.  


"I fucking love you," Brahms said gutturally and Shae quaked through a silent orgasm. A dozen more thrusts and Brahms found his own release, sagging to her side and immediately gathering her up into his arms to kiss all over her face.  


Shae caught her breath and whispered, "How much longer is your aunt going to stay here?"  


"I don't know. She talks to you more than she talks to me." Brahms shrugged. "I can't imagine it'll be much longer, though."  


"I miss getting to stay the whole night with you." Shae pressed her face into his chest. "At least you've continued to bathe regularly."  


"It's your good influence," he said dryly, making her giggle into her hand. He kissed her forehead. "Ready for me to tuck you in?"  


She pouted. "No. I want you to stay longer."  


"I know. But it's a bad idea."  


Shae huffed out a breath. "I don't get what you're so scared of. Mildred seems fine. Why shouldn't she know that I know about you?"  


"It's a bad idea."  


"Everything's a bad idea." Shae rolled away from him. "I really hate this, Brahms."  


"She'll be gone soon," Brahms insisted. "Then things can get back to normal."  


"As normal as we're capable of being," Shae said darkly. She rolled back to him. "Talk to me. What's going on with this whole Mildred fear?"  


He sat up. "Let's put you back to bed."  


"Brahms."  


But he was through talking. He picked her up and placed her tenderly in bed, pulling the covers up over her and smoothing them with his hand. "Any more bad dreams?"  


"No," she said sullenly. "Those stopped pretty recently."  


"Good." He sat there on the edge of the bed quietly. Shae thought maybe he was working up his nerve to come clean with her and held her breath. "Well. Sweet dreams, love."  


She released her breath disgustedly. "Thanks. You, too."  


Brahms left and Shae pulled the covers over her head for a good, long sulk.

~*~

The next morning, Shae went down to breakfast, still feeling pissed off. She was so sick of keeping the big Brahms secret. Mildred already knew all about him so what difference did it make if Shae knew? She'd probably stop getting paid to be a nanny, but that was fine. Mildred had explained to her the other night that Mildred was in charge of Brahms's trust, that the Heelshire will specified that the money must be used for the upkeep of the house and for Brahms. The stand-in for Brahms was of course, the doll. It was the way Mr. Heelshire had ensured that the real wall-living Brahms was provided for. It was bizarre and weird but he'd had good enough lawyers to pull the whole thing off. People had left millions of dollars to their pet cats so why not to a little porcelain boy?  


Coming into the kitchen, Shae saw that Mildred was up and already making soft boiled eggs. The older woman didn't look around as she came in.  


"Good morning, dear. How was your night?"  


"Good." Shae sat down at the table. "You don't have to cook for me, you know."  


"It's fine." Mildred flipped the sausages in the pan. "I never had a child of my own to cook for. It's kind of fun in a sad way."  


Shae smiled. "It is, isn't it."  


Mildred stepped away from the stove to pour a cup of tea. She brought it to the table and handed to Shae, opening her mouth to speak. But once she looked at Shae, her face went blank and her mouth dropped open.  


"What? What's wrong?" Shae asked.  


Mildred was staring right at her neck. Shae touched the spot and it felt tender. Fuck. Brahms had been sucking on her neck last night. Of all the things to get them caught, it had to be something stupid like a hickey.  


"Mildred..." Shae said, not sure how she was going to explain this away.  


"Where did you get that?" Mildred asked.  


A million stories flitted through Shae's head before she suddenly felt so tired. Enough. Enough lies. "I think you might have an idea," Shae said quietly.  


Mildred dropped the cup of tea on the table and it spilled everywhere, some of it splattering into Shae's lap. She pushed her chair back, arms up, and squeaked in alarm.  


"What could you possibly be thinking?" Mildred demanded. "With that murderous creature? Have you taken all leave of your senses? Why would you? _Why_?!"  


Shae stood up, trembling with rage. "Listen, Auntie Dearest, he only killed people who deserved it!"  


Mildred's look of horror intensified. "Emily Cribbs deserved to be murdered?"  


"No, of course not! Emily was an accident!"  


"An accident?!" Mildred's voice rose. "An _accident_? How does one accidentally beat another person's head in with a rock so badly that there has to be a closed casket funeral? The child's face was barely recognizable! They were only able to identify her by the clothes she was wearing!"  


Shae's heart sank. "No... no. He pushed her and she fell and hit a rock. It was an accident."  


"It most certainly was not," Mildred said hotly. "And what about all the nannies Brahms rejected before choosing that poor soul Greta Evans? Heaven knows what he did with the bodies, my brother never explained that bit to me."  


The room seemed to spin. "Nan...?"  


"The women Brahms didn't like. That's why I was so careful choosing you," Mildred said. "I checked your Facebook, I saw how pretty you were, and you seemed popular. I thought he'd like you. And I guess he did, maybe too much."  


"He..." Shae stood, knees knocking together. "You're lying."  


Mildred's look was pitying. "Why would I? What could I possibly stand to gain?"  


"I'm going to be sick," Shae said with numb lips. She stumbled from the room and Mildred went to her side, trying to help her. Shae slapped her away. "Don't touch me. God, you fucking left me alone with him. You crazy old bitch. What if he'd killed me?"  


Mildred wrung her hands, eyes crazed. "I hoped he wouldn't! You seemed perfect!"  


"I'm so sick of hearing how perfect I am!" Shae shouted at the top of her lungs, gratified when Mildred flinched away from her. "Stay the fuck away from me. I'm through with this shit." She ran, shaking, and made it up the stairs to her room where she pulled out her bags and started packing.  


Brahms was by her side in minutes. She noted he was wearing the mask again, which would make this a lot easier. "Shae. Shae, stop."  


"I don't have to stop, Brahms." Shae kept packing. "Remember your promise? I get to leave and you can't stop me."  


"I didn't do anything!" Brahms said petulantly.  


"Didn't--" She stopped what she was doing to look at him incredulously. "You lied to me! You didn't accidentally kill your friend, you did it on purpose! And how many women, huh, Brahms? How many of those nannies your parents hired that didn't meet your high standards did you kill? Where are they now, huh?"  


Brahms stood there, silent. It was hard to tell what he was thinking with that hideous mask on his face, but Shae was beyond caring. She had two of her bags packed up and started to leave the room. He blocked the door.  


"Brahms, move your ass," Shae said.  


"Don't leave," he insisted. "I don't want you to."  


"Well, tough shit." Shae shouldered him aside. She got her bags into the car and then came back up to fill her overnight bag with her toiletries.  


"Don't do this," Brahms said.  


Shae whirled on him, enraged. "Why shouldn't I? After you lied to me about something so heinous?! You're a murderer! If I'd known, I'd never have... I'd never have..."  


"Never what? Never have fucked me?" Brahms said nastily. He took a few steps closer to her. "What upsets you more, Shae? That I've taken lives or that I lied about them? You only fucked me because you felt sorry for me, right? The poor misunderstood Phantom of the Country House who accidentally killed his friend and has been paying for it his whole life." He leaned closer to her, trembling with rage. "You stand there and scream at me about lies? Well, what about you Shae? Lies roll trippingly off your tongue, don't they?"  


"What are you talking about?" Shae asked, her voice shaking.  


"Would you like to tell me who Pam is?" Brahms asked blandly.  


Shae turned pale. "You... you were looking through my phone?"  


"I did. And interesting about your friend 'Pam'. Seems very attached to you." Brahms rolled his eyes up and quoted dramatically, "'I think about you every minute of the day. Please meet me. We have a lot to talk about. I want to make this right. It will take time especially since I have to figure out how to break things off with Rachel.'"  


"You bastard," Shae whispered.  


"I'm a bastard? Yeah, I guess so. But so are you, my love." He leaned forward. "All those secret messages from Isaac. And you lied to poor, stupid Rachel about them. Why is that? Because it's worse, isn't it? It's almost understandable when a man gets cold feet and starts running back to his ex. She's familiar, what he's used to. It just means he's afraid of the future, by grasping for his past. But yet another infidelity so soon after the last one?" Brahms shook his head. "That's a pattern, isn't it? And Rachel knew that. That breaking up your relationship didn't mean she was the special one that Isaac just had to have. It meant he had a problem with monogamy. And she couldn't face that so she ended her pathetic life. And her blood is on your hands, Shae. Because of your lie."  


She stood there, shaking. "I hate you," she said with feeling.  


Brahms tilted his head to the side. "No, you don't. You love me. Because I'm you and you're me. Rachel's blood isn't the only blood on your hands, is it, Shae?" He lowered his head to her ear and whispered, "Who was driving that car, Shae? Who hit poor Isaac when he was crossing the road?"  


Screaming, Shae shoved him back. "Stay away from me!"  


"There's a reason you didn't turn me into the police when you were free to do so. It's because you have just as much to hide as me. It's why you got so frightened when that bumbling copper came here. You should have seen your face. I should have known right then." Brahms folded his arms. "So stop packing your bags. You're staying here with me."  


"I'm leaving," Shae said with intensity. "And if you kill me, fine. Kill me. I was planning on ending my life anyway."  


"I'm not killing you," Brahms said. "That would be too easy."  


"Fuck you," Shae snarled. She picked up her overnight bag and stormed to the door. She saw Mildred in the hall, hands pressed to her mouth but Shae ignored her.  


"Darling," Brahms drawled. "You're forgetting something."  


Shae stopped. She rushed back into the room and dropped to her knees by the bed, lifting up the blanket. The hatbox, her mother's hatbox, was gone.  


"What have you done with it?" Shae demanded.  


"It's somewhere safe," Brahms said. "So go ahead and put everything back. We both know you aren't going anywhere without your mother's keepsakes."  


Shae stood, eyes flashing. She slipped the strap of her overnight back over her shoulder. "I'll find it, you know. It doesn't take a genius to guess where you put it." Then she gave him a sudden, violent shove that knocked him back into the dresser and she was through the wall, through his secret door and running.  


Roaring, Brahms followed her and ran to his room. He didn't see her anywhere, and looked frantically all around. He crossed to the bed and found the hatbox where he'd stashed it underneath. Then he heard something that turned his blood cold.  


Her car engine. She was leaving after all.  


"No!" Brahms screamed. He fumbled open the hat box and stared in horror at what he found. Two books from his father's library, Ibsen's _A Doll's House_ and Anne Bronte's _The Tenant of Wildfell Hall_. There was also a folded up sheet of paper which he fumbled open with shaking fingers. It was his collage but the "Don't Cry" message had the "Shay" scratched out of it.  


Bellowing in rage, Brahms ran for the exit, clutching the hatbox in one hand. Out in the hall, he grabbed his aunt's purse and fumbled for the car keys.  


"Brahms! Stop that!" she called.  


"Shut up!" He yelled at his aunt. "I knew you'd say too much, you old bitch!"  


"You leave her alone!" Mildred screamed.  


But Brahms ran to Mildred's car and hastily started it up, riding the accelerator until he was at the gate. Shae was struggling to get it open and when she saw him, she increased her efforts but she was too late. Brahms got out of the car and ran to her, grabbing her.  


"Let me go!" she screamed, crying.  


"Shae, stop! Stop!" He held tight to her as she sobbed. "It's alright. I don't love you any less for what you've done. Remember, I said I'd love you forever no matter what. This changes nothing. Nothing at all. I've killed too, I understand you. We're perfect together, you and me. Just stay with me. Stay."  


Sobbing, she struggled out. "Brahms... oh, Brahms. I just... I just..."  


He turned her around to look into her beautiful face. His lovely Shae. He forgot what a good liar she was, staring into her picture perfect face. She managed to look emotionally torn even when she raised her little knee as hard as she could into his groin.  


Nausea and fireworks exploded through his body as he sagged to the ground. He could only lay there as Shae ran to Mildred's car and grabbed the hatbox, throwing it into her own car. Then she got the gate the rest of the way open and drove away.  


When he was able to recover, he stumbled to the gate, sobbing. His Shae was gone. His murderous, lying little Shae who was the only woman in the world for him. He closed the gate and limped to the car, driving back to the house.  


Mildred was on the porch, pacing back and forth when he drove up. "Where is she?!" she screamed when he got out of the car. "What have you done to her?!"  


"She's gone," Brahms grated out. He sagged to the bottom step and continued weeping. "She's gone, she's gone."  


"She'll have the police on our heads now, you idiot," Mildred snapped.  


Brahms shook his head. "No. No, she won't. She hasn't got clean hands. She'll never call the police." He pressed his hands to his masked face. "I want her back, Aunt Millie. I want her back right now."  


"You're insane," Mildred whispered.  


Brahms turned to face her, his eyes glinting in his mask. "I suppose I am. But I'm getting Shae back here. And since you're the one who fucked everything up, you're helping me."  


"God help us all," Mildred said, clasping her hands to her chest.  


After a couple of minutes, Brahms stood and staggered up the steps to the house. Mildred flinched from him but he said nothing to her. He shambled into his house and then up the stairs to the room he'd shared with his treacherous sweet Shae. He lowered himself onto the blankets, breathed in her smell, and screamed his pain.


	15. Chapter 15

Lily was putting the finishing touches on her painting of cubist Cara Delevingne when there was a flurry of pounding knocks on the door. She jumped and nearly knocked her jar of water off the scarred, stained table beside her and jumped to her feet.  


"Hello?" she called, feeling foolish.  


The pounding came again along with what sounded like sobbing. Terrified, Lily set her palette down on the table and crept to the door. She peeked through the spy hole and then exhaled in relief. It was only Shae. She threw the door open and Shae fell into her arms, crying uncontrollably.  


"Shae!" Lily hugged her tightly, shutting the door. "What's happened, love? What's the matter?"  


"I... I can't... I can't..."  


"Breathe," Lily said urgently. "Come on, now. Inhale." She exaggeratedly breathed in and Shae did it with her. "Now exhale." She whooshed out the air and nodded when Shae did it with her. "Good girl. One more time."  


They stood and breathed together until Shae had calmed down, though she was still crying.  


"I quit my job," Shae said finally.  


"Good." Lily squeezed Shae's shoulder. "I didn't like you isolating yourself. Not after... well. You know. It worried me."  


"Uh huh." Shae coughed a little. "I missed you, Lil."  


"I missed you, too." Lily gave Shae a big hug, patting her on the back. "This place just isn't the same without you."  


Lily and Shae lived in a large space that was once a dance studio. The barre and mirror was still on one wall but was now lined with papier-mâché flowers that Lily had made. Mismatching rugs were thrown across the wood floors and big windows let in lots of light. Now that it was evening, an orangey glow shone all over everything.  


"I can still have my room?" Shae asked in a small voice.  


"Of course you can," Lily chided her. "Didn't I tell you? Where are your things, young lady?"  


Shae pressed the back of her trembling hand to her dripping nose. "S-still in my car."  


"Well, first things first, let's bring your things in. Then we'll focus on something more difficult, like which take-away we're going to order tonight." Lily linked arms with Shae and marched out the door with her. And everything was settled, just like that.

~*~

Early one morning, Shae ran to the toilet and vomited violently. Her eyes teared badly as she did so, weakly clutching the bowl. It was so early that Lily hadn't gone to bed yet and she appeared quickly by Shae's side, pulling her hair out of the way.  


"My, my," Lily murmured, rubbing Shae's back as another round of sick came up out of her. "What kind of bug have you got, darling? You better not give it to me or I may just evict you after all."  


Shae sat back to take a breath, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "I don't know. It's been happening all week. I vomit a little at the start of the day and then I just sort of feel queasy until I go to bed at night. It's not like anything I've had before."  


Lily watched her with quiet, dark eyes and sat on the edge of the tub. "I don't mean to trouble you, Shae my love, but can you remember the last time you had your period?"  


The color drained from Shae's face and she burst into anguished tears. "Oh, fuck!"  


"Hey," Lily said. "It'll be alright. You know I'll take care of you."  


"I can't have his baby," Shae sobbed. "I can't. He's a monster. I can't..."  


"Whatever you want to do, you know I have your back," Lily said. She reached out and grabbed Shae's hand, squeezing it. "Whatever it is. We have space for a nursery. Or I can take you to a very good doctor."  


Shae wiped her leaking eyes. "I wanna go back to bed."  


"Of course. First things first." Lily stood and helped Shae to her feet, letting her friend rest her weight against her as she took her back to her bedroom.

~*~

Later that day, Shae opened her hat box and took a big, zip-locked baggy from one of her bags. She emptied all of her mother's keepsakes back into the box, everything all safe together again. She looked through everything, touching each item. The beads they'd use to make jewelry, her mother's locket, the velvet floral journal they'd spent a summer writing back and forth in, photos of the two of them on the beach that were lined with lace and ribbon. She wanted her mother so badly, it was like a physical ache.  


She pressed a hand to her tummy. She had a chance now to be a mother herself. And sure, Brahms wasn't the ideal father but it's not as if her little one was going to grow up with him. She'd escaped him. And fate had let her so the child could grow up without his corrupting influence. Shae was no great prize herself, she knew that, but with her own mother as a template, she felt she could do a good job. She'd just take extra care teaching her baby empathy, explaining in detail how actions have consequences, that you should treat people the way you yourself wanted to be treated. That way, maybe her flaws and Brahms's could be nipped in the bud if they appeared in the child.  


She smiled tentatively and made a choice that would affect her life forever.

~*~

_Three months later_

Shae sat at her desk, scribbling at her lesson plan, frowning. The year threes she taught were catching on so quickly with science that she wanted to advance their lessons a little more but not too much. It was such a delicate balance, education. She flipped through a book of science experiments and sighed. She needed to find something simple but not so boring that the children who caught on faster didn't get restless and act out, distracting the others.  


"Hello, beautiful."  


Looking up, she smiled at the man in the doorway. She'd recently started seeing him, Will. He taught the year fives and she'd put him off as often as she could, even going so far as to tell him that she was pregnant with another man's baby. He'd only blinked at her and said, "It's not a man you're currently seeing, is it? Then that's fine." That answer had charmed her and they'd been seeing one another ever since. Nothing terribly serious, but he'd stayed over a few times.  


"Hi," Shae closed her lesson book and sighed. "What's the plan for tonight?"  


"Well, everyone's going out for karaoke. Are you interested?"  


After so much isolation, the thought of a crowded pub with all of her workmates sounded wonderful. "Very."  


"Then come on, then. Stop working so hard and making the rest of us look bad." He held out a hand, wiggling his fingers and raising his eyebrows enticingly.  


Smiling, Shae stood and slid on her cardigan and went to him, taking his hand. He really was a sweet man, she told herself. He stood at just about 5'9 and was the shortest man she'd ever dated. His dark hair hung in curls over his forehead, reminding her a little of someone she did her best to forget. But it was hard. In fact, one morning after Will had stayed the night, he'd asked her, "Were you dreaming of the Olympics?"  


"The Olympics? I don't know. Why?"  


"You kept saying 'bronze.' Need to do more training if you're gonna get the gold, eh?"  


She'd laughed but it was a long time before she'd let him stay the night again.  


Now, they held hands all the way to his car and he opened the door for her and gently helped her in. She'd told him he didn't need to treat her like spun glass but she kind of liked it. This wasn't a man who was going to grip her arm and leave bruises. He wasn't going to viciously kick her out of bed if she couldn't stay awake to talk to him as long as he'd like.  


They drove to the pub and Will kept his hand on her thigh, not straying any higher, and spoke to her about his day, asking questions about hers. It felt domestic and sweet and she wanted it to never end. They found parking and Will led her into the club, ordering a rum and coke for himself and a virgin daiquiri for her. They sat at a table with the other teachers who were in their 30's and 40's and they were warmly greeted.  


Happiness settled over Shae's shoulders. She'd forgotten what it felt like but finally, here it was. She just had to keep surrounding herself with wonderful people and maybe one day she'd start feeling like she deserved to be with them.

~*~

He walked up to the club, hands in his pockets and paid the doorman. Then he walked into the room that was hot and crowded. It felt suffocating. He didn't know how these people could subject themselves to this every day.  


"Get you a drink, mate?" A waiter stopped to ask. He noticed the mask on the right side of his face but he was a pro and didn't react or remark on it.  


"A Coke, please," he said, raising his voice a little to be heard.  


The waiter nodded and went on his way. He immediately forgot the waiter had ever been there. He looked around the room for the one he was looking for but couldn't find her. He knew she was here, though. The car that William Shepherd had registered was parked only two blocks away and this was the pub that the teachers of Little Tree School frequented most often. Lily was out of town on an artist's retreat. This was the night.  


"Next up we have our school teachers," the DJ was saying into the mic and people started cheering. "Think if the teachers I'd had been like this lot, I'd never have dropped out." This got some laughter and a few whistles. "Who's kicking us off then? Miss Violet of the year fours?"  


A tall, big boned woman stood from a table near the front and his attention was drawn to the woman just to the left of her. Her dark red hair was curly now, her face a bit more sober, but it was still unmistakably her. She applauded her friend who took the stage and sang "The Edge of Seventeen" with passable ability.  


A few more of the teachers sang but he didn't care about them. He just stared at the red-haired woman, ignoring the glass of Coke sweating on the coaster at his elbow. He glanced away briefly when William Shepherd was at the mic but the sod had no talent and enthusiastically ruined some song he'd never heard before. He watched his lost love at the table, wincing and laughing at her new beau's performance but she still applauded and smiled at the end. Oh, his little liar. She was masterful.  


"And to close out the set, here's the one we've been waiting for, Miss Shae! D'ya think she'd let me take year three over again if I asked nicely enough?"  


Amongst catcalls and laughter, Shae took her spot on the stage and everyone fell quiet. She nodded once to the DJ and soft piano music started. It wasn't what he'd been expecting and a lump formed in his throat as she started to sing in her clear, throaty voice.  


_Come on skinny love, just last the year_  
_Pour a little salt, we were never here_  
_My my my my my my my my my-my_  
_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer._  


His heart pounded hard in his chest. The room was dead silent, every eye on her, everyone holding their breath. His Shae had them eating out of the palm of her hand and she couldn't have cared less.  


_I tell my love to wreck it all_  
_Cut out all the ropes and let me fall_  
_My my my my my my my my my-my_  
_Right at the moment this order's tall_  


He sat up straighter and wanted to go to the stage, pull her down and carry her away. Tears stood in his eyes and he let his hands curl around his drink, needing something to hold onto.  


_And I told you to be patient_  
_And I told you to be fine_  
_And I told you to be balanced_  
_And I told you to be kind_  
_And in the morning I'll be with you_  
_But it will be a different "kind"_  
_Cause I'll be holding all the tickets and you'll be holding all the fines_  


His tears spilled and he sniffed, distracting him from her performance. He glanced at his watch. He'd have to leave soon if he wanted to beat her home. She always went home after she sang. It took something out of her every time she did it. So why did she keep doing it?  


_Come on skinny love, what happened here?_  
_Suckle all the hope in light brassieres_  
_My my my my my my my my my my_  
_Sullen load is full, so slow on the split_  


He stood to leave and left a tenner on the table. He slowly walked through the crowd, everyone still riveted by his Shae. Her words followed after him, his shoulders hunched on his way to Aunt Millie and her car.  


_And I told you to be patient_  
_And I told you to be fine_  
_And I told you to be balanced_  
_And I told you to be kind_  
_And now all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?_  
_Cause now I'm breaking at the bridges and at the end of all your lines_  


He swallowed hard, pressing a hand to his chest.  


_Who will love you?_  
_Who will fight?_  
_And who will fall far behind?_  
_Come on skinny love_

~*~

They were quiet on the way home. Will's hand still stayed on her thigh, softly humming to himself. Shae stared out the window and dreaded the conversation to come. He parked in front of her building and looked over at her, smiling.  


"Have a good time?" he asked.  


She smiled back, nodding.  


Will leaned in and Shae met him, softly kissing. His hand rose to thread in her curls. "You're so beautiful," he breathed in her ear.  


"You are, too," she whispered back.  


He huffed out a laugh. "Invite me up?"  


Shae sucked in a breath. "I don't know, Will."  


Will sat back and touched the steering wheel, looking out the windscreen. "You haven't had me up in weeks."  


"I know. I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm not..."  


He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hands. "I'm being a bastard. I'm sorry, Shae. I'll at least walk you to your door, though."  


She smiled gratefully and touched his wrist. "Thank you, Will. I'm just not much in the mood is all. Wolfie makes me tired."  


Will smirked over at her, eyes twinkling. "That name..."  


"Wolfgang is a nice name," Shae said defensively.  


"I know, I know." Will raised his hands up. "Far be it from me to tell you he'll catch hell for it on the playground."  


Shae snorted. "I'll teach him to fight so if anyone says anything, he'll clean their clock and they'll leave him alone."  


"I bet you will." He gave her an approving smile and then got out of the car, circling around to her side to help her out.  


They walked hand in hand to the building's door where she unlocked it and they took the elevator up to the top floor. At the door, they paused and Shae looked up into Will's eyes.  


"You're a wonderful person, Will," she said earnestly. "Thank you so much for putting up with me."  


"Putting up with you?" he said in disbelief. "Thanks for putting up with _me_. You're lovely, Shae."  


She smiled humorlessly and unlocked her door. "Goodnight, Will."  


"Goodnight." He watched her slip into the apartment and when she locked it behind her, he sighed and shuffled dejectedly back to the elevator.

~*~

Shae tossed her purse onto the sofa and switched on a lamp. A figure standing at the barre made her gasp in shock and clutch her throat.  


"Brahms?!"  


He leaned against the barre, watching her with hungry eyes. He had a new mask, something more conventional that covered the burnt side of his face. His curls hung over his forehead like they always had, and he was dressed in a jacket and jeans and work boots she hadn't seen before. Something inside of her rejoiced at the sight of him but she quickly squashed the feeling.  


"How did you... why-"  


"Aunt Millie hired a private detective to find you. It wasn't hard." Brahms stepped toward her. "I've come to take you home. You belong with me."  


Shae shook her head. "No."  


"Yes."  


Panicking, she ran to the door and started to unlock it but Brahms was on her in seconds. She opened her mouth to scream but he stuffed a cloth over her face. She had time to think of the old joke _Does this smell like chloroform to you?_ before she was unconscious.

~*~

Millie waited nervously outside the service entrance, the car engine running. It was only a matter of time until someone saw her. She wished Brahms would hurry. Maybe the girl had been able to fight him and the police were on their way now. God, she hoped so.  


The door crashed open and Brahms came clattering out, Shae over one shoulder and one of her bags under his other arm.  


"Get the trunk open," he said harshly.  


Fumbling for her key fob, she pushed the button and the trunk popped open. He dropped the bag to the ground and then tenderly lowered Shae into the trunk. Then he opened the back door and threw the bag inside onto one of the seats and shut the door.  


"Get us home fast but follow all the road laws," he said harshly. "Don't get any cute ideas, Aunt Millie."  


"Don't lecture me, you little shit," Millie said defiantly.  


Brahms glowered at her and then climbed into the trunk himself, shutting it after him.  


Millie let out a shaky breath and got into the driver's seat. She drove them carefully out of London, hating herself the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "Skinny Love" by Birdy


	16. Chapter 16

Shae stirred lethargically. Someone had their arms wrapped around her and she snuggled into a familiar, hard chest and nuzzled him. She frowned. Why was he wearing clothes?  


"Buh?" she murmured.  


"Hello, love," Brahms whispered in her ear, giving her a soft kiss there. "Did you miss me?"  


Where were they? There was some weird roaring sound all around them and... she put out a hand and the wall was closer than she expected and fuzzy. She sighed and then pouted in confusion. She couldn't get her eyes to focus just right. It was so dark.  


Brahms adjusted his hold on her to run his fingers through her hair. "I like the curls. They suit you."  


Shae nuzzled him again. "Wha..."  


"We're on our way home. Go back to sleep. We can talk once you wake up."  


That sounded like a great idea. Shae rested her head on his shoulder and drifted back into her drugged unconscious bliss.

~*~

"Carry her bag in, Millie. I've got her."  


"Quit tossing her around like a sack of potatoes, you ridiculous boy!"  


"Shut up, Millie!" As Shae woke up, she felt herself being shifted in Brahms's embrace so he was carrying her like a bride over the threshold of the Heelshire house. She'd hoped to never have to see this house ever again.  


"No," Shae croaked.  


"Hush, love," Brahms said absently. "Take her bag upstairs."  


"I'm not the bloody help."  


"Just do it!" Brahms roared, making Shae yelp. He was immediately contrite whispering, "Shhh, I'm sorry. Let's go get you settled, yeah?" He was carrying her through one of his holes in the wall and she hid her face against his shoulder. It was creepy back here.  


Then he was settling her into a chair and then tying her in place with rope. Shae watched him, frowning. "No," she said again.  


"I'm sorry," Brahms said, not pausing. "I wish I didn't have to do this but I can't trust you to stay on your own. At least not yet."  


He pulled the ropes tight and Shae squirmed in discomfort. She didn't like how they were especially tight around her stomach. That couldn't be good for Wolfie. He tied down her arms and legs as well. He seemed to know what he was doing and the knots he was using looked like good, strong knots. Shae didn't know a whole lot about knots. But she had a feeling that even if she did, she still wouldn't be able to get loose. Movies made that kind of thing seem so simple. She remembered that in one of the Avengers films, the Black Widow effortlessly fought a group of men while tied to a chair. Isaac had said that it had only been possible because the chair was rickety and old. He'd tossed a handful of popcorn at her when she'd pointed out that really it'd only been possible because it was a film and the screenwriter had written it that way.  


"Comfy?" Brahms asked.  


Shae gave him a look. "No."  


"Ah. Well. Nothing to be done about it." He sat back on his heels and looked up at her.  


She stared back at him.  


"You look beautiful," he finally said.  


Shae rolled her eyes and looked away. "You didn't kidnap me from my home to tell me how beautiful I am."  


Brahms touched her hand and she curled her fingers into as much of a fist as she could manage. "I had to do it. We belong together, you and me. Every single day without you has been..." He swallowed hard. "It's been hell on earth. Waking up in the night and reaching out for you, but you aren't there. Walking around corners expecting you to be in the room. Taking a shower and waiting for you to step in with me... I've missed you so much."  


Shae said nothing. She didn't even look at him, just stared at the far wall.  


"It took some time to find a good, discreet detective. Millie found a woman who came highly recommended. She's wonderful, she blended right into your neighborhood, never raised a bit of suspicion. We got to find out so much about where you work because she toured the school and ended up placing her granddaughter there, can you believe that? The granddaughter wasn't in your class, though. She's a little older than your students." He stroked the back of Shae's hand with one finger, looking up into her face anxiously. "The detective found out about an artist's retreat on the Isle of Wight and sent adverts to your flat. It got Lily away. I didn't want anything happening to her when I came to get you. I knew you'd never forgive me if she got hurt and... honestly, I haven't actually met Lily but I rather like her. She's been good to you. Taking care of you when I haven't been able to."  


Shae continued to stare at the wall.  


"Please talk to me," he said softly.  


No response.  


"Shae," he pleaded. "Say something."  


Finally, she looked at him and the absolute fury in her eyes rocked him back a little. "I said everything I needed to say to you when I left. We're done. I want nothing to do with you."  


Brahms shook his head adamantly, his eyes filling with tears. "No. No, that isn't true. You've missed me. I know you have. You looked so unhappy, even when you were with _him_."  


Shae's rage intensified. "What did you do to him?"  


"Nothing!" Brahms held up his hands. "I did nothing. He was gone by the time we left, there was no need to go after him. He's safe."  


"If you ever do anything to him--"  


"I won't," Brahms promised. "I won't, I swear."  


Shae clenched her jaw and looked back at the wall.  


Brahms reached out and tenderly touched her face. "Do you need anything? Maybe something to eat or dr--" Before he knew it, Shae had quickly turned her head and bit down on his hand, hard. Brahms screamed and tried to yank away but she'd sunk her teeth in too deeply. He grabbed her head and gave her curls a hard yank. That worked to dislodge her somewhat and he snatched his hand away, gasping with the pain.  


Blood dribbled down her chin and she laughed, wildly. "Don't touch me, dickhead."  


Tears spilled down his face. "You bit me."  


"I'll do it again. Don't. Fucking. Touch me."  


Suddenly furious, he rose to his feet and kicked her chair with all his strength. She flew back and hit the wall, hard. She cried out and then snapped, "Yeah, that's fucking perfect, Brahms! That's totally going to make me fall in love with you!"  


Brahms stormed out of the room and she called after him, "Psycho!"  


Screaming in rage, Brahms kicked the door open and went into the bathroom to wash out his wounded hand and then wrapped some gauze around it. Millie appeared in the doorway as he worked.  


"You should leave her alone for awhile," Millie said. "Let her cool down a bit."  


"Thanks for your input," Brahms snarled. He rudely shoved past her and went into the bedroom he'd shared with Shae, the one he'd been using since she left. He dropped down on the bed and lowered his head into his hands. This was going to be even more difficult than he'd originally thought. And even then, he'd known this wasn't going to be easy.  


How do you make someone fall in love with you?

~*~

Brahms woke slumped on the bed and jolted awake. He'd just left Shae tied to the chair in his wall sanctuary. He rushed downstairs and made tea, crumbling up a sedative and putting it in her cup. Then he carefully carried it back inside the wall and up the stairs where he'd left her.  


She was asleep, head hanging forward. Reaching out, Brahms gently shook her shoulder.  


"Mmm." She woke and looked around the room. "Fuck."  


"Good morning," Brahms said dryly. "I brought you some tea."  


Shae stared at the cup in his hand. "I have to pee."  


"Tea first," he insisted.  


"Whatever," she muttered but she drank the tea when he brought the cup to her lips. After half the cup was empty, her eyes got heavy again. "What you do?" she asked confusedly.  


Brahms started to untie her. "I need to move you but I don't want you fighting me. So I had to dope your tea. Sorry."  


"Meanie."  


He sighed. "I know." He lifted her up into his arms and carried her back to their bedroom. He gently laid her on the bed and started undressing her.  


She slapped at his hands weakly. "No!"  


"I'm only changing you into something more comfortable," Brahms said. He had her cardigan, dress, and underwear off and got one of her over-sized sleep shirts out of the bag he'd packed. Coming over to her, he saw that she'd developed a bit of a tummy. It looked sweet on her and he admired her for a moment. Then he hastily put the shirt over her head and then helped her into the bathroom where he set her on the loo to tinkle.  


"Don't be in here," she protested.  


"I won't look." Brahms turned his back.  


"Asshole," she muttered but did her business and then flushed to signal to him that she'd finished.  


Brahms guided her back to the bedroom and set her back on the bed. "Why don't you rest here before we go back."  


"Fine." She laid there, staring up at the ceiling.  


Leaning against the wall, Brahms folded his arms. "So you didn't miss me? Not even a little bit?"  


"You mean did I long for the mass murderer who lied to me?" she asked snidely.  


"Yeah."  


"No."  


He sighed. "I hoped you would. At least a little."  


"Well, hope in one hand..." she sighed. "What did you put in my tea?"  


"Don't worry about that."  


"I didn't say I was going to worry about it, I asked what it was!"  


Brahms crossed the room to the bed and rested a knee on it, looking down into her scowling face. "Shae. You loved me once, didn't you?"  


Her face crumbled and she looked away from him.  


"You said it so often. I believed it. Were you telling lies, too?"  


She sniffled and shook her head slowly. "No. But you made yourself out to be someone you weren't."  


"I know," he said softly. "I'm sorry. You had your secrets, too, though."  


"Uh huh." She continued to cry softly and still wouldn't look at him.  


"When I found those messages from Isaac... it shocked me. That you'd lie about something like that. And I wondered why _would_ you lie? Why not rub in Rachel's face that Isaac had loved you all along?" Brahms reached out and rubbed her hip, gently. She didn't slap his hand away. "The detective found a lot of information on you, you know."  


"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Shae croaked.  


"Shh, listen."  


"No!" she cried out. "Just tie me back up again."  


Brahms lifted her up once more and her arms wrapped around his neck of her own accord. She looked into his eyes, her own wide, wet, and frightened. "I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered. "We're one and the same, you and I. I'd sooner cut my own arm off than harm you. You'll see."  


She dropped her head to his shoulder and sobbed softly. "I'm nothing like you."  


"Shhh." He carried her back through the closet and closed the door behind him.

~*~

By midday, Shae was still refusing to talk and Brahms was tired of trying to engage her. He got up from where he was slouched on his bed and went to his desk. He picked up a DVD box and waved it at her.  


"Wanna watch a film?" he asked. When she predictably didn't respond, he went to the television and loaded the disc in. It was a film from the late 90s about American teenagers in high school and loosely based on one of Shakespeare's comedies. Based on Shae's other favorite films, he figured she'd like this one.  


Sure enough, she lifted her head when she heard the opening credits and watched silently. Brahms would glance at her once in awhile and sometimes she'd smile at one of the jokes. When a couple of the characters were walking along talking about feeling under or overwhelmed, Brahms suddenly asked, "Is this film accurate?"  


"Accurate?" Shae asked, giving him a confused look.  


He shrugged, trying not to show how thrilled he was that she'd actually responded. "Is this what school is really like? I never got to go."  


"It's true enough for America," Shae said. "I think the teachers are a little more uptight than they're represented here. And no one as cute as Heath Ledger ever went to school with me, that's for sure."  


Brahms laughed. "None of the students were clearly in their 20's then?"  


She giggled and bit her lip. "No, none of them were undercover cops."  


"What?" Brahms tilted his head.  


"Oh, it's this... There was a show called 21 Jump Street? They had people in their 20's going undercover into schools to find drug dealers and stuff." She shrugged. "It was on TV when I was a really little kid. I think Mom liked it; Johnny Depp was on it."  


"Ah."  


They watched the film in peace but when they got to the part where Heath Ledger sings to Julia Stiles, Brahms started laughing again and covered his face.  


Shae looked over at him and her smile was a little sad. "Have you seen this before?"  


"I swear that I haven't. I thought I was being so original when I sang to you..." They finished the scene and he said softly, "It worked on her better than it worked on you."  


"Yeah, well, he hadn't kicked her out of bed when she was half-asleep and bruised her hip." Her expression closed off and she didn't say anything else during the film. When it was over, she went right back to staring at the wall.  


Brahms watched her for awhile and then asked, "Do you want something to read?"  


"No."  


Well, that was something at least. "Are you hungry? I can make us some lunch."  


"Are you just going to crush more pills into it?" When he didn't answer, she snorted. "Fuck you, Brahms."  


Angry now, Brahms jumped up and stormed from the room.  


"Where are you going?" she called after him.  


He stopped and spun to face her. "What do you care?"  


"I don't. I guess I'm just curious." There was just the slightest sparkle in her eye and it caught his interest.  


He came back and knelt down in front of her. "Seriously, Shae. Are you hungry? I'll bring you something. No sedatives."  


"Will you let me loose to eat?" she asked hopefully.  


"No."  


She sighed but didn't look terribly surprised. "I guess so, then."  


"I'll see what we have." Brahms stood. He started to reach out to touch her but then thought better of it and left the room. He didn't see that Shae had turned her head to watch him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The film that Brahms and Shae watch is "10 Things I Hate About You"


	17. Chapter 17

Evening set in on the longest day of Shae's life. They'd watched a few more films after lunch and then had soup for dinner. She almost didn't eat it, worried that he'd drugged it but he'd assured her it was safe. She didn't really care for him feeding her like she was an invalid but knew that he wasn't about to let her loose to eat. Not after she'd savagely bitten him yesterday. She still couldn't believe that she'd done it but she'd been so _angry_.  


Brahms had left the room again for tea and he'd avoided eye contact when telling her what he was doing, so she knew this time there would be sedatives. It was time for her to use the restroom and get ready for bed and he'd want her compliant again. She really didn't think that was going to be good for Wolfie; the doctor had told her to avoid all medications. And she really didn't want to have to tell Brahms she was pregnant. What would his reaction be? She couldn't keep it secret forever, so she was going to have to get out of here. And to do that, she was going to have to get along with Brahms until he trusted her to walk around freely.  


She was working up her nerve when Brahms came into the room with the tea cup in its saucer. He knelt in front of her and held it up to her lips. Shae turned her head away, shaking her head. "Brahms, no, I don't want to."  


"Drink it," he said grimly.  


"Please," Shae begged. "I won't fight you. I'll go to the bathroom without hurting you or trying to run. Just don't drug me again; I hate it."  


"There's no other way."  


"I'll do something you want if you don't make me drink that," Shae said.  


He lowered the cup, looking intrigued. "Something I want?"  


"Yeah. Yeah, what do you want Brahms?"  


"I want you to go to the bathroom without fighting me. So drink the tea." He pursed his lips angrily and held the cup up.  


"I'll kiss you!" Shae cried out desperately.  


Brahms blinked and then looked wary. "Right. After I let you free. And then you kick me and run, right?"  


Shae shook her head. "No. Kiss first. Then you let me loose and I get ready for bed. That sounds fair, right?"  


He looked to the side, considering it. His breathing had picked up, showing his excitement. Shae parted her lips and tilted her head to the side, hoping she looked enticing and not desperate.  


"Brahms?" she said softly. "Please?"  


He looked into her eyes and that sealed the deal. He nodded once and then stood up, taking the drugged tea to his desk and then coming back to her. He knelt in front of her and said warningly, "If you bite me, you get to just pee your pants, Shae. I mean it."  


"I won't."  


"Good."  


Shae licked her lips and fluttered her eyes closed as Brahms leaned in. He pressed his mouth to hers so lightly and then gave such a soft flick of his tongue that she shivered. She opened her mouth for him and gasped when he started to gently suck on her tongue, biting her lightly before pulling back to nuzzle her. She whimpered and squirmed in the chair, aware that she wasn't wearing any underpants as the insides of her thighs got increasingly damp.  


Brahms pressed his forehead to hers and breathed raggedly. She couldn't help it, had no control over it, but she started kissing him all over his face. He let her and moved around, loosening the ropes. Freed, she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him anew, twining her tongue with his. She slid into his lap and wrapped her legs around his waist, rubbing against the bulge in his trousers. God, she'd missed this. Making out with Will had been nice, but Brahms kissed her like she was air. Like he needed her in order to live. His hands slid under her sleep shirt and coasted over the backs of her thighs and she mewed, nuzzling his temple.  


"Shae," he rumbled her name and she could feel her entire pussy clench.  


She shivered and threaded her fingers in his hair. "Mmm?"  


"Did you want to get ready for bed?" He drew back to look into her face and she could see his unscarred cheek was flushed red. After he said "bed" his Adam's apple bobbed.  


"Bed?" she whispered, stroking his hair. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, swallowing hard again. She leaned forward to lick his neck and smiled. "Yeah."  


"Okay." He lifted her up off his lap and stood next to her. He took her hand in his and led her out of his hidey hole and back into the house proper, into their old bedroom. She could feel his hand trembling in hers and squeezed it. _Who am I supposed to be fooling_? she thought and sighed.  


Brahms gestured to the bathroom. "Go ahead. I'll wait here."  


"You're not going to--"  


"Just go." He sank down on the bed and slumped forward, arms hugging himself tightly.  


"What's wrong?" Shae asked. She knew she should be using the restroom now, maybe once she'd done all the gross, required stuff, opening the door and sweetly suggesting sharing a shower. Get him all worked up and in the palm of her hand and then that night while he was sleeping, she could creep downstairs, steal Millie's keys and drive away.  


His jaw clenched. "You wanted to use the bathroom so fucking bad on your own, just _go_ already."  


She flinched but went to him, sitting beside him on the bed. "Brahms."  


"How could you kiss me like that," he snapped. Furious tears built up in his eyes and he dashed at them with one hand, sniffing hard. "You hate me but you kissed me like you did when you loved me. Unless it was all a lie from the start. How long have you been pretending, Shae?"  


"I wasn't—"  


"I love you!" he grated out. "I love you more than... god, more than I love myself. There's never been anyone like that. I know how that sounds. But to you I'm just... I'm just the psycho you have to humor, aren't I?"  


Shae swallowed, feeling her own tears rising. "You don't make it easy, Brahms. I-I did miss you. And I _do_ hate you. Both of those feelings are so strong and it's killing me." She started sobbing and clutched her head. "It's like the man I fell in love with doesn't really exist but here you are right in front of me. The picture isn't true, though. You aren't some misunderstood, tragic figure: you're a murderer. And I'm one too and I don't want to have to face it! But when I look at you it's all I can see! Everything I've ever done and everything _you've_ ever done and I just... I just..."  


"The detective told us about your dad disappearing when you were eleven," Brahms said quietly. "Your mother was brought in for questioning on three different occasions. There wasn't enough evidence to arrest her but the police were pretty confident that she'd done it. And that you'd helped."  


Shae was quiet for a long moment, debating with herself. Who was going to understand all this if not Brahms? Then she raised her eyes to his. "He broke her jaw."  


Brahms sat up straight and reached out for her hand. She took it and gripped it so tightly her knuckles went white.  


"He was always hitting her. Something was always wrong. The magazines she liked got all over the place, especially when I played with them. She closed a cupboard too hard. There wasn't enough barbeque sauce on the chicken." Shae clenched her jaw tightly and then continued. "He'd usually just slap her face as hard as he could. One time he twisted her arm behind her back and dislocated it. But... but the worst was..." Her shoulders started shaking and Brahms gathered her into his lap, holding her tightly. "He punched her face and broke her jaw. And my mom was so tiny. You always tease me about how little I am but my mom was even smaller. She was five foot in high heels. And when he broke her jaw..." Shae sobbed uncontrollably, still trying to talk. "She couldn't eat so she had to have all her meals through a straw and she lost so much fucking weight. She looked like a god damned skeleton with her jaw wired shut."  


"Oh, Shae," Brahms whispered. He cupped the back of her head and pressed her face into his neck.  


"That was it. She couldn't take anymore. Do you think he was sorry? Yeah, for like, a week. But he was still pushing her around, even if he didn't quite have the nerve to hurt her worse again, at least not while her jaw was healing. And when the wires came out, we came up with our plan so he wouldn't get the chance to hurt her again."  


Shae rubbed her cheek against Brahms's shoulder. "Mom made a big dinner. His favorite; roast beef and potatoes. He never ate any other kind of vegetable. She made it with lots of rat poison and he shoved it all down his greedy throat, not even suspecting for a second. It took him a long time to die. He foamed and flopped on the floor and even though I hated him with all of my heart, it was hard to watch. When he went still, we wrapped him up in a tarp and then took the boat out. It was dark and no one saw us go out; we didn't have any neighbors. Dad didn't like having neighbors; they would call the police when he would rage and beat Mom. So we went out in the middle of the ocean, weighed him down with some cinder blocks and rolled him overboard. They've still never found him."  


Brahms lifted his head and looked into her eyes. He looked so kind, so human, but how could he be, when he was what he was? "You told this to Isaac didn't you. It's why he broke up with you."  


Shae nodded, biting her lip. Her tears still hadn't slowed and continued to course down her face, gathering at her chin and dripping down her shirt and Brahms's.  


"But he regretted it. He didn't mean for things with Rachel to get as serious as they had. He wanted to be back with you but he'd already betrayed you, hadn't he? For hearing the worst about you and turning his back on you." Brahms was quiet, stroking her hair. "Then he threatened you, didn't he. He wanted you to meet him or he was going to tell the police you'd killed your father."  


Shae sobbed and nodded. "I know they can't arrest me since I was a minor but they'd call my mom a murderer. She was the best person I've ever known and everyone would shit on her if they knew."  


"So you killed Isaac to shut him up."  


"Yes. I killed Isaac." Shae started crying harder. "I loved him so much and I killed him. And then Rachel died because of me. I'm a murderer, just like you. I'm no better than... no better than..." There was a sudden horrible pain in her abdomen and she gasped, pressing a hand to her belly.  


"Shae?" Brahms sounded alarmed. "Love, what's the matter?"  


"No," Shae whispered. "Oh god, no. No. No!" She felt wet between her legs and looked down. Blood was gushing and she started crying and gagging. "No! Wolfie!"  


Brahms's eyes were huge as he ran her into the bathroom, bellowing, "Aunt Millie! I need your help!"

~*~

Brahms got Shae into the bathtub and couldn't stop staring at all the blood gushing out of her. She was sobbing and alternately screaming "Wolfie" for some reason. It was all too much for him and he was so grateful when Aunt Millie came running into the room and skidded to a halt.  


"Oh, no," Millie breathed, taking in the situation. She turned on Brahms and he expected her to start berating him but instead she said, "Stay with her. I'll call the doctor."  


"What's wrong with her?" Brahms asked fearfully.  


Millie gave him a troubled look. "Brahms... Just stay with her. I'll be right back."  


"Millie, what's happening?" Brahms demanded. She hurried to the door and Brahms followed her, fear making him desperate. "Tell me!" he shouted.  


"I'm no expert but I think she's having a miscarriage," Millie said. "Now let me call the doctor."  


Brahms's stomach fell. A miscarriage. She hadn't been seeing that William Shepherd long enough to have gotten pregnant. So this was... He sagged against the door jamb. She hadn't just put on weight, she'd been pregnant. Pregnant with his child.  


He turned and looked at her, clutching her stomach and crying. His Shae. She'd wanted to keep his child and now... Brahms ran and slid on his knees beside her, reaching out and clutching her arm.  


"I'm sorry," he said, his voice breaking. "I'm so sorry."  


She looked up at him, devastated. "I'm losing him."  


"Millie's calling a doctor now," he said. "Everything will be all right."  


"Nothing's all right," Shae said, the life and light fading from her eyes so suddenly he felt ill. "Nothing's ever going to be all right."


	18. Chapter 18

Brahms stayed by Shae's side until the doctor came. When he heard the man on the stairs, he reluctantly let her hand slide through his and moved to go back into the wall but Millie blocked him.  


"He knows," Millie said. "Who do you think treated your burns and faked a death certificate for you?"  


The doctor entered the room, a tall, distinguished looking man with fluffy white hair. He looked grim as he stopped in the doorway. "Hello, Mildred."  


"Lionel," Mildred said with a nod. "This is Shae."  


The doctor's expression softened and he went to Shae's side. "Hello, Shae. I'm going to examine you now, all right?"  


Shae nodded. "I want Brahms to stay."  


"Of course he can. Whatever makes you comfortable." He set his bag down and nodded to Brahms. "Go on then, Brahms."  


Swallowing with difficulty, Brahms came back to the bed and clutched Shae's hand tightly in his. He stayed there as she wept and the doctor lifted the blankets to assess the situation. It didn't take long and the doctor subtly bundled something away that made Brahms's heart twist. Luckily, with Shae's knees raised, she hadn't seen the child she'd carried be wrapped up and placed in a plastic container the doctor had brought with him.  


"I'm very sorry, Shae," the doctor said softly. "You've lost your baby. He was a boy."  


Shae drew in a shuddering breath. "I know. His name was Wolfgang."  


The doctor smiled gently. "That's a lovely name. For Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?"  


"Uh huh." Shae nodded, sniffling. "Brahms was named for a composer. I wanted to do the same thing..."  


The doctor's smile faded but his eyes still looked kind. "I'm afraid I have to ask something unpleasant for you, Shae. How would you like me to handle Wolfgang's remains?"  


Her face was stricken but she drew in a long, deep breath. "Cremation. My mother was cremated. I scattered her ashes in the ocean. I want to do the same for Wolfie so she can... so she can look after him for me." She burst into frenzied sobbing and turned into Brahms's chest and he cradled her to him, weeping himself.  


The doctor nodded and stood, picking up his bag and the plastic container. "I'll have them back for you in the next few days. For now, just rest. Take care of her, Brahms."  


Brahms pressed his face into Shae's hair. He stayed that way until Millie gently suggested that Brahms take Shae into the bathroom to get cleaned up. Then he stood and carried Shae back into the bathroom. Millie had cleaned it during the doctor's examination so there was no more blood. He swept her stained sleep shirt up over Shae's head and got the shower running warm. He ushered her in and she stood under the spray, her hands clasped between her breasts as she shook. Quietly, Brahms shed his own clothing and got in with her, picking up a bar of soap and kneeling down to clean between her legs. Then he washed her hair since it had been a couple days since that had last been done. When he was satisfied that she was clean enough, he shut the water off and got out. After slinging a towel quickly around his waist, he got one for Shae and bundled her up into it, drying her briskly.  


She wasn't looking at him, staring down at her feet. He turned her to the mirror and she winced at her reflection and looked away to the sink. He had her blow dryer from the bag he'd packed and dried her hair for her until it was silky and brushing her shoulders once more. When he shut off the dryer, there was a gentle knock at the door which turned out to be Millie who wordlessly handed him a white nightgown for Shae.  


"Arms up, love," he murmured. She obeyed and he slipped the nightgown over her head and adjusted it as it fell into place. "Ready for bed?"  


It took a moment for Shae to respond but she finally nodded. He picked her up again and carried her back into the bedroom. He was grateful to see that Millie had changed the bedding while they'd been in the bathroom and he tucked Shae into the clean sheets, pulling the comforter up to her chin.  


"Rest, my love," Brahms whispered.  


Shae blinked and finally looked into his eyes. She looked lost, nothing like the Shae he knew. "He's gone."  


"I know." Brahms sniffed and reached for her hand. "I'm so sorry. If- if I hadn't..."  


"It's not your fault," Shae murmured. "It's mine."  


"No." Brahms frowned. "You were doing fine until I came along and... and tied you up and drugged you and put your body under so much stress."  


Shae sighed. "Yeah. You suck. But I should have told you that I was pregnant."  


Brahms reached out a hand and gently stroked her hair. "I understand why you didn't."  


"Do you?"  


"I understand you better than you think."  


She exhaled a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "You're probably right."  


"Good night, Shae." Brahms stood.  


Her eyes opened again. "Where are you going?"  


"I was going to get dressed and then let you sleep in peace."  


"Stay." She looked at him urgently.  


"If you're sure. But let me get my clothes and I'll be right back."  


"Okay," she whispered and curled up, looking like a frightened little girl.  


Brahms quickly grabbed his clothes and put them on so he could hurry back to her. He slid under the covers next to her but kept a cautious distance from her. Shae didn't scoot any closer and he felt relieved that he'd read the situation correctly. He reached out for the lamp and switched it off.  


"Goodnight, love."  


"Goodnight," she whispered but it almost sounded like "goodbye."

~*~

He was dreaming. The house never got as bright as it was right now, sunshine sparkling on all of the wooden furniture. It looked warm and open, nothing like the prison it had been for him the last twenty years. He entered the kitchen and saw Shae at the stove, cooking breakfast. She didn't turn to face him and he started to walk to her.  


"Hi, Dad."  


Brahms stopped cold and looked to his left. At the table was a small boy, maybe about eight. The same age he himself had been when he'd killed Emily and been burned in the fire. This boy looked as if nothing like that would ever happen to him. He had this aura of joy all around him, like a halo around his dark red hair. He smiled at him and Brahms had seen that smile before on the face of the woman he loved.  


"Hello, Wolfie," Brahms said, his voice cracking.  


Wolfie was cutting into his chocolate chip Mickey Mouse pancakes but paused. His sweet smile dimmed and he suddenly looked very serious. He'd inherited Brahms's dark eyebrows and they furrowed now, looking at Brahms.  


"You're in a lot of trouble," Wolfie said. "You've done bad things."  


"I know." Brahms crossed to the table and knelt beside his son's chair, reaching and touching the boy's soft hair. It felt silky, just like Shae's. "I can't... I can't believe I get to see you."  


"It's only going to be this once," Wolfie said. "Not unless you make some changes."  


Brahms swallowed, looking into Wolfie's dark brown eyes. "What changes?"  


"I think you know what changes," Wolfie replied tartly. He went back to eating his pancakes. "You're a bad person, Dad."  


"I want to be a good person but I--"  


"So be a good person." Wolfie looked at him impatiently.  


"It's not that--"  


"It _is_ that simple. You want to be a good person, so do good things. Stop doing bad ones. Be nicer to Auntie Millie. Apologize once in awhile. It really isn't that hard, Dad."  


"I can do those things," Brahms said. "But I just get so angry sometimes."  


Wolfie gave him an affectionate yet exasperated _god you're so dumb_ look. "Yeah, so does everyone. But they don't bash anyone's head in with rocks or tie people up who don't want to stay with you. Go ahead and feel mad but you need a better outlet for your temper. It's what normal people do and it's what Grandmother and Grandfather should have taught you instead of getting intimidated by you." Wolfie saw the look on Brahms's face and said, "No, no, that's not your free pass. You don't get to be bad because your parents didn't raise you right. At some point you have to stop blaming them and start living your life. You don't have to stay in the walls, Dad."  


"But it's what I know," Brahms said, frowning.  


"Right. But there's so much more. Mom can show you."  


Brahms glanced at Shae at the stove and said, "Yes. She can."  


Shae turned and Brahms blinked in surprise. This wasn't Shae after all, but she looked quite similar, her face narrower and more lines around the eyes. He realized he was looking at Shae's mother.  


"But she won't be able to show you if you don't wake up right now," Mrs. Willingham said. Her voice was soft but she spoke with urgency. "She's in trouble, Brahms. Please, save her. She needs you."  


Wolfie reached for Brahms's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Go, Dad. And I hope I get to see you again. I like your face."  


"But my face is--" Brahms reached up to the right side of his face and gasped. His skin felt smooth, perfect. It felt the way his unburned side felt and he stared uncomprehendingly into Wolfie's smiling face.  


"Go on. Bye, Dad."  


"Wolfie..."

~*~

Brahms jolted awake and rolled to his side. Shae was gone. He jumped from the bed and looked around the room, wondering if maybe she'd gone into the bathroom. He didn't see her, but his frantic searching eyes caught movement outside. He crossed to the window and saw Shae running across the grounds in her nightie, no jacket or anything. Cursing, he grabbed his heavy jacket that Aunt Millie had bought him and ran out of the room, clattering down the stairs. Where was she going? If she was leaving, why hadn't she taken the car?  


He blew through the door, letting it hang open behind him and practically flew down the steps, running in the direction he'd seen Shae go. She had gotten a head start on him but he was stronger and had longer legs so he came across her in the trees in no time.  


"Shae!" He called and she stopped in her tracks. She turned to face him, her face pale and tear streaked. "What are you doing? You'll catch your death."  


"That's the idea," she said, her voice trembling.  


"What?" Brahms went to her and stood, staring at her in disbelief. "You want to--"  


"I came out here to lay down and die." Shae looked at him bitterly. "Leave it to you to stop me."  


"Oh, love." Brahms knelt and took her hands in his. "No. Don't do this."  


Shae's face crumbled. "I didn't save him. I wasn't strong enough. And everything I've ever done is weighing on me and I'm just so _tired_ , Brahms. I'm always tired. I just want to sleep forever. Please let me make it stop. It'll be the one kind thing you've ever done." She tried to pull her hands loose from his but he didn't let go.  


"Shae," he said lowly, looking deep into her sad, dead eyes. "My love. I know how you're feeling. I've been living with it my whole life. But I just kept getting worse and worse, letting myself become a monster while you keep trying to block out your crimes. We're both wrong. There's a way for us to live in this world but we can't keep making the same mistakes." He stood and wrapped his coat around her.  


"What are we supposed to do?" Shae demanded, looking up at him with a desperate look on her face.  


"We need to be better," Brahms said simply.  


Shae's face contorted. "Oh, is that it? Just wake up and be like 'I'm a good person now! La, la, la!"  


Brahms shrugged. "Not a bad first step, I'd say. And then we keep on being good."  


"That's not going to bring anyone back to life," Shae said.  


"No, that's true. No one can do that." Brahms reached out and traced a finger down her cold cheek. "But we can make sure no one else dies and do our best to right our wrongs."  


"Where's all this coming from?" Shae asked suspiciously.  


Brahms smiled sadly. "I had a good dream."  


She stared at him, wanting more of an answer but that was all he gave her. She shifted in his big jacket and looked around her, sighing heavily. "I'd still rather lay down and die."  


"I'm not letting you," Brahms said firmly. "We're going back to the house and once it's a reasonable hour, you're calling Lily and telling her what's happened. Then you're going straight home." He took her hand and started leading her out of the woods. "I shouldn't have taken you away. I'm sorry. You were right, you told me we were finished but I couldn't face it. I was convinced I could get you to love me again but I..." He trailed off, not sure what to say next.  


"Brahms," she said softly but he didn't look at her.  


"I know," he said. "I was wrong. I'm sorry."  


"Brahms." Shae wrapped her free hand around his arm, forcing him to look at her. Her eyes glittered with tears. "You couldn't force me to love you again because I never stopped in the first place. I just... I want you to know that."  


Tears blurred his vision but he blinked them away and nodded. "I love you, Shae. I've seen every part of you, warts and all, and I'm still here. If you want me, I'll be there."  


"I'll want you," Shae said, voice breaking. She took another step and hissed. "Shit!"  


Alarmed, Brahms looked down and lifted the hem of her nightgown. Her feet were pale and bleeding, the toenails blue from the cold. "Jesus, Shae! You didn't even put on shoes?"  


"The idea was to kill myself,"' she said, annoyed. "I wasn't that fucking concerned with footwear. So sue me."  


Laughing in disbelief, he scooped her up and carried her the rest of the way to the treeline. They could see the house in the distance and Millie was on the porch, hugging herself and watching them.  


"You know, she's going to think we're insane," Brahms said conversationally.  


"She wouldn't be wrong," Shae replied.  


They tentatively smiled at one another and went the rest of the way to the house in silence.


	19. Chapter 19

Shae had another shower when she came back to the house and Brahms wouldn't let her out until her skin was a flushed rosy pink. Then when she wrapped up in a towel, she sat down and he treated the cuts on her feet while shaking his head and muttering under his breath. It almost made her smile but she still looked bleak.  


Brahms settled her in bed and as soon as her head hit the pillow, Shae was asleep. He sat and watched her for a few minutes and considered laying down beside her but he was too keyed up from her suicide attempt to relax. He went downstairs and found Millie in the kitchen, making breakfast.  


"How is she?" Millie asked, looking up from the eggs she was scrambling.  


Sighing, Brahms sat down at the table and rubbed his temples. "About as well as you'd expect. She's sleeping, now."  


"Good. Poor little lamb." Millie turned the stove top off and started putting food onto plates. She brought one to Brahms and sat down across from him. She looked curiously into his face. "You know, I'm only just now realizing that you aren't wearing either of your masks."  


Self consciously, Brahms pressed a hand to his burned side and Millie clucked, reaching over and pulling at his wrist. "Stop. Stop. You don't have to do that for me."  


"Do you want to know why I threw a rock through your car window, Millie?" Brahms asked impulsively.  


His aunt blinked in surprise. "I hadn't brought you a present."  


"You hadn't brought me presents loads of times. No, I was angry with you because I'd asked Mum if I could go back with you to Cornwall after your visit here. And she said no, you didn't want to have to look after a loud little boy if you didn't have to." Brahms frowned down at his plate. "That really made me angry. And... well, it hurt my feelings, too."  


Her face soft, Millie said, "Brahms, I was begging your mother for years to let me take you. I thought a fortnight during the summer holidays would have been lovely for you. I had a little room you could have had all your own and there was a family just down the lane with five children, three of them boys. I thought it would be good for you to get out among more people and to get the chance to play with children who wouldn't know you as the little lad at the manor. But..." She shrugged. "She said you didn't want to leave your books or records or Emily."  


Brahms sat back in his chair. "You wanted me to stay with you?"  


"Of course I did! Just because I never wanted to be a mother didn't mean I didn't enjoy being an auntie. One of the boys down the lane, Charlie, he'd come and ask me every summer if my nephew would be staying soon and I'd have to tell him no, not this time. He'd gotten so excited, you see, because he was the same age as you and he was tired of his older brothers leaving him out of their games. You'd have been an instant friend."  


It made Brahms faintly sick, thinking of this other life he could have lived. A best friend called Charlie and another place to call home. And his silly, pretty Auntie Millie to take him to the ocean and build sandcastles with him and fly kites... While he was fantasizing, he imagined that Shae's family came to stay in Cornwall as well and he could have met her, unburned, and fallen in love with her then and wrote letters back and forth until one day, when they were grown...  


Millie sighed. "What a waste."  


"Yes." Brahms scratched at the surface of the table and stared at his food. "Thank you for being so quick to call the doctor. If... if anything had happened to Shae..."  


"I'm sorry about Wolfie," Millie whispered.  


He didn't realize he had any tears left but it turned out he had a few more. "It's my fault. She says it isn't but I know that I'm the one to blame."  


"She's a sweet girl." Millie folded her hands. "What are you going to do with her, Brahms?"  


"I'd appreciate it if you could take her back to London," Brahms said, gruffly. "She doesn't belong out here."  


Millie watched him carefully a moment and then looked around the kitchen. "You know, I've always detested this house. Even when I grew up here." She turned her attention back on Brahms. "It was always so dark. I made sure to go to friends' houses as often as I could. It has an unpleasant influence, I think. Anyone would do better away from here. If only your father had sold the place when I urged him to..."  


"Are you saying that I should go with Shae?" Brahms asked dryly.  


"If she'll have you. And I think she will. She's no better than she ought to be and we all know that you've had your... difficulties." She picked up her teacup and took a sip.  


Brahms shifted nervously. "Yes, well, what would I live on? I don't have an education or qualifications. On paper, I'm dead. And the trust is tied to the house and my avatar. I'm stuck here, even if I wanted to go."  


" _If_ you wanted to go?" Millie repeated.  


"Well..." He hunched his shoulders and said foolishly, "I've never been much of a joiner."  


"No," Millie agreed. "But you don't need to figure everything out right away. Let me worry about the house and the trust. I think I can work something out. I just need a bit of a think. Go with your Shae to London and I'll come up with a plan of some kind."  


Brahms cleared his throat. "I can't ask you to do that."  


She squared her jaw. "You didn't, did you? I'm offering. I'll email Shae once everything's settled with what we do next. Now, eat your breakfast. We're going back today, aren't we?"  


He picked up his fork with shaking fingers and kept his shoulders hunched all through the rest of the meal, completely overwhelmed by everything.

~*~

When Shae woke, she called Lily immediately but got her voice mail. She left a brief, urgent message and then hung up the phone, looking at Brahms expectantly. "Are you packed?" she asked.  


He shrugged. "I guess. I don't need much. Your bag's right here." He shuffled over to her and set it on the bed.  


"I was wondering what you put in here," Shae muttered and reached in. She lifted out a gray sweatshirt and a pair of jeans then hit something smooth at the bottom of the bag. She lifted it out and gasped softly. It was her mother's hatbox. She looked up at Brahms, a question in her eyes.  


"Well," he said quietly. "If I was going to have you here, I knew you needed that."  


She teared up and lifted the hatbox out of the bag. When she took off the lid, she let out a sobbing laugh. "You left everything inside."  


"Yeah," he laughed, too. "Good joke, by the way. Clever. I like how clever you are."  


Shae smiled and closed the lid, putting the box away once more. "Brahms, do you really want to go with me?"  


He didn't respond for a moment and then said. "I don't want to stay here without you."  


"That's not really what I asked." She sighed and rubbed at her eyes. "Forget it. I'll get dressed now."  


"Okay." Brahms laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, hands folded on his stomach.  


"Are you feeling all right?" Shae was sliding out of her nightgown and Brahms peeked at her. He really did like her tummy and the neat, red hair between her legs. Her breasts were still beautiful, round with soft pink tips.  


"Hmm?" he asked, realizing that he was ogling her. He told himself to get a grip; she wasn't going to be able to have sex again for awhile. The doctor had said at least two weeks but Brahms expected it would be longer before Shae felt emotionally ready.  


"Are you nervous?" Shae asked. She put on her underwear while watching him, a look of concern on her face.  


"A little," Brahms admitted. "This will be only my second time leaving the house in twenty years." He cleared his throat. "But I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."  


Shae finished dressing and then sighed, picking up her bag. "C'mon, then."  


Brahms got up and grabbed his own bag, following Shae down the stairs. Millie was waiting by the door; she'd long since packed the car with her own things, glad to leave the house. She gave them a wan smile as they joined her in the hall.  


"Was there anything else we needed to do before we leave?" Millie asked.  


"I can't think of anything," Brahms said, shrugging awkwardly. He looked back at the house, his home for all of his life and wondered if he'd ever see it again. He wondered if he even _wanted_ to see it again.  


"We shut all the lights off, I think," Shae said. "And we didn't leave any water running. Is everything off in the kitchen?"  


Millie nodded. She opened the front door for them and they clattered down the steps and went to the car and loaded their things as Millie locked the door. Brahms started to get into the backseat of the car when Shae pulled his sleeve.  


"Wait. You should sit up front since you've got long legs."  


"I should probably stay down until we're clear of the area," Brahms said. "So no one sees me."  


Shae bit her lip. "Oh. Okay, good point."  


He laid down in the back seat and Shae sat up in the passenger seat. She wanted to sit back with Brahms but he was still being so oddly quiet. Well, oddly quiet for him. A paranoid part of her insisted it was because he was judging her for losing Wolfie. Realistically, she knew Brahms was grieving as she was but now he was anxious about this big move. He wasn't going to be able to comfort her the way she'd like him to. Maybe once Lily got in touch, she'd come home from the artist retreat early...  


They were passing through the town when she nodded off to sleep.

~*~

Shae woke when the car came to a stop in front of her building. Millie was getting out and Brahms was sitting bolt upright in the back. He was wearing the mask that his aunt had purchased for him online, the kind that covered his burns but showed the other side of his face. That side didn't look particularly happy but when Shae turned to look at him, he leaned forward and touched her shoulder gently.  


"All right?" he murmured and she nodded.  


Brahms nodded back and got out of the car, unloading his bag and Shae's. Mildred stood with her arms folded, watching them with a faintly worried look on her face.  


"Well," she said. "I've given Brahms my mobile number if you need to call me. Do you still have it, Brahms?"  


He patted his jeans pocket wordlessly.  


"Thank you for the ride, Mildred," Shae said. "And for... god, for everything, I guess."  


Mildred took a step forward, raising her arms like she was going to hug Shae. But she noticed Shae slightly stiffen up and changed the hug to just lightly touching Shae's left forearm. She then looked to Brahms, "This is going to be difficult for you. Don't try to do everything all at once. You hated London the last time we were here but if you start slow with walks around the block and work up to going into smaller businesses, you'll get used to other people. It will be all right."  


"Of course it will," Shae said softly and took Brahms's hand in hers.  


"Right, then. Goodbye. I'll be in touch after I've made some calls." Mildred got back into her car and carefully pulled back into traffic. Shae waved goodbye to her but Brahms just stood there, starting to hunch his shoulders. A man was walking nearby with a dog and the creature was straining on its lead to sniff at them.  


The man nodded politely and gave the dog a firm tug. "Jasper, no." The two continued on and Brahms relaxed slightly.  


"Let's go up," Shae told him. "My building is pretty quiet. There's good sound proofing and I never hear the neighbors. It won't be as quiet as your house, of course, but..."  


Brahms didn't answer and Shae sighed, leading him up to the door that someone was just walking out of; the woman held the door for them with a distant, polite smile that avoided all eye contact. The elevator ride was quick and luckily no one got on with them so Brahms didn't have to suffer being close to yet another stranger.  


At the door of her flat, Shae realized she didn't have her keys and gave Brahms a helpless look. "Uh, did you...?" He reached over and turned the knob and the door opened. Shae's eyes narrowed. "You just left it unlocked."  


"Sorry," he mumbled.  


"Yeah, you always are," she grumped right back and led the way into the flat. It was starting to rain outside and the room was full of dull gray light and shadows. It was almost like the Heelshire house except when Shae snapped on a lamp, Lily's artwork and the rugs made it look cozy and warm.  


"I _am_ sorry, Shae," Brahms said quietly. "I'm just... my heart's pounding a mile a minute." He pressed his hand to his chest. "I'm really trying..."  


Shae's heart twisted. "I know. Sit down. I have to make some calls." She drew in a shaky breath. "They're not going to be easy. Could you... could you stay with me?"  


"You know I will." He sat down on the couch and she curled up next to him. She shifted when she realized she was sitting on her purse and then dug through it for her phone. There was a text from Will which she ignored for the moment and dialed up Francine, Little Tree School's principal. She pressed closer and closer to Brahms as the phone rang, and then Francine finally picked up. Shae asked for a leave of absence and when she had to explain why, she burst into tears for the millionth time. God, she was so tired of crying, but it hurt every time she had to face Wolfie's loss. Francine even cried with her and told her to take all the time she needed.  


When she'd rung off, Shae threw her arms around Brahms's neck. He held her tightly and stroked her hair as she continued to cry, sucking in air and rocking with him. Then her phone rang and she pulled back a little to check it. "Lily," she told Brahms and he nodded, understanding that she had to take the call.  


"Shae! What's happened, what's wrong? Your message was so cryptic, it scared the shit out of--"  


"Lily? I lost Wolfie."  


"Ohhhhh, love. I'm so, so sorry."  


Shae pressed a hand to her mouth. She'd said it so many times now, why wasn't it getting any easier to say?  


"I'm coming home now. You won't be alone, Shae. It should take awhile but--"  


"No, don't," Shae said. "I'm- I'm not alone, Lil. Wolfie's father is with me."  


Lily was quiet. Then, "The monster?"  


"I was upset when I called him that. He isn't one. And he's been taking good care of me." She sniffled. "He hasn't left me once since... since..."  


"Shhhh. Okay. I'm glad you've got someone with you. But I'm going to cut this retreat short, anyway. I'll leave in a few days. Do you need me to call the school for you?"  


"I've already done that. I'm taking a leave of absence of indefinite length. Francine was very understanding."  


"Good. I'm so sorry, Shae. I know you were looking forward to your little one. How's Dad taking it?"  


Shae looked at Brahms who was looking pretty grim. "About as well as I am."  


Lily sighed. "Are you sure you don't want me to come home now?"  


"I'm sure. Have some fun before coming back here. Bring me home some art."  


"I will." There was noise in the background, someone speaking to Lily and she hissed, "I'm in the middle of something right now, can you fuck off?"  


"Lily!" Shae laughed, shocked. "If you need to get back, you can. It's okay."  


"Well, all right," Lily said, sounding ruffled. "But this is a serious conversation and I didn't want someone babbling about turpentine in my ear right this minute."  


"Fair enough." Shae rubbed her eyes. "Listen, I need to go lay down for awhile. I'll text you later, okay?"  


"Okay. Have a good rest, Shae. I really am sorry."  


"I know. Love you, Lil."  


"Love you, too. Bye."  


"Bye." Shae set her phone back in her purse. "I've done enough today. I want to go to bed."  


Brahms stood with her in his arms. "I agree. Let's go." He carried her to her room, not bothering to switch on a light and set her gently on the bed. He knelt and pulled off her flats and then paused to untie his own boots. When he got under the covers with her, he hung back like he did last night but this time, Shae rolled to him and rested on his chest. He pet her hair lightly and fell asleep with his hand still resting on her head.


	20. Chapter 20

The next few days went on this way, Shae alternately sleeping and crying, sometimes crying in her sleep. Brahms would lay next to her, silent and holding her tightly, alternately kissing her head and stroking her back. Sometimes Shae would reach for her phone and order food and Brahms was expected to answer the door. He hated it at first but got used to it; it helped that the exchange of money for food was so impersonal. The delivery person had other deliveries to make and they weren't taking any special notice of Brahms in particular. They just wanted to hand over their bag of delicious smelling foods and be on their way. Brahms admired them and started smiling gratefully when they didn't make small talk and only said a simple, "All right, mate?" in greeting and "Ta" as they walked away.  


On the fourth day, Shae felt up to getting out of bed and walked herself out to the main living area. She got settled on the sofa and turned on the telly to a silly makeover program that worked wonderfully to distract her. Brahms was fascinated by the program; how could a complete stranger care so much what another complete stranger chose to wear? He looked down at himself, wearing the same jeans he'd had on for days and a singlet with a curry stain on the front, barefoot, and wondered what the people on the program would make of him. One of the more prissy of the presenters would probably need to hyperventilate into a paper bag, seeing how unfashionable he dared to be.  


He looked over at Shae and started to smile. "Should you sign me up for this program?"  


"Hmm?" She looked over at him and he gestured to his ensemble, making a silly face. He was happy when she gave him a little smile. "I wouldn't dare. I'd bring you in and they'd take one look at me and have fits."  


Shae hadn't brushed her hair since she'd gotten up and was dressed in baggy sweatpants and a too-large t-shirt with Mickey Mouse on the front of it. Adorably, she'd pulled the t-shirt over her knees and he could see quite clearly that she wasn't wearing a bra. His cock stirred at the realization and he felt guilty, looking away from her.  


"Maybe we should get cleaned up, though," Shae said. "Does that sound okay?"  


He shrugged, attempting to be casual. "Sure. I'm low on clean clothes as well. I could do a load of laundry after."  


"Sounds good." Shae stood and held her hand out to Brahms. When he took it, she tugged him into the bathroom and got the shower running. Then she stripped her clothes off and Brahms could feel his cock go harder, just looking at her. Oh god, she was going to see him like this. He was going to come off as an insensitive bastard.  


He hesitated with his own clothing but Shae had stepped into the shower, taking for granted that he would follow her. He wasn't sure what to do; should he have a quick wank before joining her? He was so hard that it probably wouldn't take much to get him off. But he didn't want to keep her waiting, either.  


Shae suddenly pulled the curtain back and frowned at him. "Are you coming in or not?"  


"Erm..." He stared at her wet hair, dripping down her shoulders and swallowed hard. "Yeah, I... Yeah."  


"Then come on. I've already washed my hair." She closed the curtain again and Brahms sighed, shucking off his clothes to come in with her. "I don't know why you're suddenly so shy," she added. She was squeezing some shower gel into a pouf, not looking at him.  


"Not shy," Brahms muttered. He stayed back against the wall, arms crossed, and willed his erection away. Fat chance, when he was staring right at her ass and could remember squeezing it as she bounced on him while crooning his name.  


She gave him a grumpy look over her shoulder and then looked down. When she saw his hard cock, her face softened. "Oh, Brahms..."  


"I can't help it," he said quickly. "I'll just... when you're finished in here, I'll take care of it myself. Don't worry about it, okay? I love you."  


A sweet, lovely smile crossed her face and made his heart ache. "It's okay, Brahms. I'll take care of you."  


He shook his head adamantly. "No. No, it's fine."  


Her eyes flickered with a little spark of life, the glow he'd worried he'd never see in her eyes again. "You aren't pressuring me, Brahms. It's okay. I want to help you since you've been so sweet to me all week."  


Brahms swallowed. "Well. Well, okay."  


She set her pouf aside and came closer to him. He expected her to reach for his cock but he was surprised when she suddenly went to her knees. Looking up at him with a soft smile, she finally did reach for him and press a kiss to the tip of his erection. He hissed through his teeth and grabbed for the wall tiles behind him. Then she enveloped all of him in her mouth and oh god, it was wonderful. He panted and stared down at her bobbing head and it felt almost as good as her pussy, the only thing missing was being able to kiss her. He reached down for her head and stroked her hair. The gentleness of his touch made her look up at him, a smile in her eyes, and that was all it took.  


"Wait!" he called out in warning but she kept him within her mouth and swallowed his ejaculate, never breaking eye contact with him. When she'd swallowed every drop, she let his softening cock slip from her lips and kissed the tip one last time, making him shiver.  


"Better?" she whispered.  


"I love you," he said fervently and she laughed.  


"Love you, too." She started to stand and he took her hands to help her when she started to slip on the slick surface of the tub. "I think I'm done so I'll let you clean up. I'm going to dry off and order dinner, okay?"  


Brahms stroked her cheek, brushing his thumb over her lips. "Sounds fine."  


She smiled and kissed his thumb. "I'm getting pretty tired of delivery. Maybe we can try shopping tomorrow? I mean, if I feel up to it."  


He nodded. "No rush. Maybe Lily will be back soon and can do some shopping."  


Shae sighed. "That would be nice. Anyway. I'll see you in a few."  


"Okay." She stepped out of the shower and Brahms took a deep breath. It took him a moment to realize what he was there to do and then shook himself, reaching for the shampoo.

~*~

All dried off and in clean lounge clothes, Brahms and Shae settled on the sofa once more and watched a silly quiz show. Shae was smiling a bit more and it heartened Brahms, though he'd seen her mood improve before only to unexpectedly crash not long after so he didn't expect this to mean she was magically cured of her depression. It was going to take time for her heart to heal but she was always going to mourn Wolfie. Brahms knew that he was going to. Sometimes when he looked at her, he pictured that beautiful little boy sitting at the table eating his stack of pancakes and longed for the chance to be that boy's father.  


There was a knock at the door and Shae shifted out of Brahms's lap. He rose and lumbered over to the door, picking up her purse off the floor as he went, digging through it for her wallet. Once that was in hand, he picked up his mask from the decorative table by the door and affixed it to the burned portion of his face. He had a whole routine down by now and confidently opened the door for the impersonal, polite delivery person.  


Instead, William Shepherd stood there, flowers in hand. His face had looked anxious but at the sight of Brahms, his expression went blank. Brahms stared down at him, feeling the beginnings of anger.  


"Er," William Shepherd said and drew in a shaky breath. "Is... Is Shae in?"  


Brahms didn't answer. His hands clenched into fists. This was the man Shae had been seeing. He'd gotten to go to bed with her, hold her hand, sing to her. And now here he stood as if he had every right to be here.  


"What's going on?" Shae called from the sofa. She had picked up on the fact that the food exchange was taking too long, but was still staring at the television.  


"You've got company," Brahms said shortly. Something in his tone caught her attention and she tore herself from the television and came to the door, frowning. When she stood next to Brahms and saw William Shepherd, she gasped.  


"Oh my god, Will," she breathed.  


William Shepherd nervously looked away from Brahms's glowering face and to Shae. "I've been texting you. Everyone at work chipped in for these." He held out the flowers and a card. "We're all so sorry."  


Shae's eyes filled with tears and Brahms's rage spiked even more. She'd been so happy just a moment ago and this asshole had to waltz in with his unwanted sympathy and remind her that she was in mourning.  


"Thank you," Shae whispered.  


William Shepherd cleared his throat awkwardly and faced Brahms once more. "Ah. I'm Will. I'm a... friend of Shae's. From work. And... and you are?"  


"He's Wolfie's father," Shae whispered. "Brahms."  


"Brahms," Will repeated and then a look of pain twisted his features, and for some reason said, "Brahms, not bronze."  


Shae bit her lip. "Will..."  


Will started nodding. "Okay. Okay, then." He squared his shoulders and looked Brahms in the face. "Where you been all this time, mate? You get a girl like Shae pregnant and run off? What kind of man are you, huh?"  


"Hey!" Shae exclaimed. "Don't talk to him like that."  


Brahms stared hard into Will's angry face. His hands itched to wrap around his throat, squeeze the life out of him. "I'm the man Shae loves. If you don't get the fuck out of my sight in ten seconds, I'm going to murder you."  


"Threatening me, eh?" Will's face flushed. "I think it's up to Shae if I leave or not." Then he shoved Brahms in the chest.  


His vision went red and Brahms grasped Will by his jacket and threw him back, hard, into the wall. Shae yelped in alarm as Will clattered to the ground and she could see an indentation where Will's body had hit the wall.  


"I'm not telling you again," Brahms ground out and stepped back, slamming the door shut.  


Shae stood there, wide-eyed, hand pressed to her mouth. She watched Brahms as he crossed the room to the windows, his fists clenched.  


"Brahms," she whispered.  


"What the fuck were you thinking?" he ground out. "Why did you ever see that fucker?"  


"I... I just..."  


"You just what?" Brahms spun to face her. "Can't stand to be alone for two seconds? Do you always need a man?"  


Shae shook her head. "It wasn't like that."  


"Then what was it like?" He crossed the room to her, still simmering with rage and towered over her. "You claimed to love me so much and yet you were away from me mere months and started seeing someone else. Why was I so easy to replace?"  


"You weren't!" Shae started crying in earnest. "He didn't even come close. I only started seeing him because he kept asking. I got tired of it and... well, I felt a little bad for him. And his hair reminded me of you and... and I felt like it was safer to be with someone like Will rather than someone like you."  


"Safer." Brahms repeated, dully.  


"I didn't mean that quite how it sounded," Shae said, trying to reach for his hand but he snatched it away. "Brahms, listen."  


"I'm listening, aren't I?" he snapped.  


Shae flinched and sniffled. "Will's a normal person. I thought I needed to be with someone like him so that I could be better myself. So I could forget about my dad, Isaac, and Rachel. But I was wrong. I only felt more guilty and alienated. And honestly, I was never all that serious about Will. Not like how I was with you. I handed you my whole heart and he never even got a sliver of it."  


Brahms clenched his jaw and stared at the floor.  


"And honestly? Right now I'm so in awe of you. What did you want to do to Will when you saw him?"  


"I wanted to murder him," Brahms growled. "I wanted to throttle the life out of him and then toss his body down the stairs."  


Shae suddenly smiled. "But Brahms... _you didn't_." She paused to let him absorb this. "You didn't lay a finger on him until he pushed you first. And clearly what you did was self defense, everything above board. I'm so proud of you."  


He raised his eyes to hers and seeing her smiling through her tears made him drop his shoulders, slowly becoming less tense. "Yeah?"  


"Yeah." She nodded. "You made a resolution to change and when you were tested, like right now? You didn't fall into old habits. That means that there's hope for me." She reached for his hands and he let her grasp them. "I love you so much."  


He let out a relieved breath. "I love you, too." She stepped close and wrapped her arms around his waist and he hugged her back, resting his cheek on top of her head.  


There was a knock at the door and they pulled apart, looking suspiciously at the door. "I'll get it," Shae said. "If it's him again, I want you to call the police."  


Brahms nodded and folded his arms. "Right. No more fighting."  


"No more," she agreed. Then she hurried to the door and it turned out to be their dinner so they had a nice evening eating pizza and watching a re-run of Doctor Who.

~*~

That night, Shae didn't fall asleep right away and drowsily laid on the pillow, watching Brahms reading. It was a magazine from last month but he read it in fascination, getting himself used to life outside the Heelshire house and its creepy walls. He wanted to be more familiar with popular culture before attempting to spend time outside with other people and he was absorbing every bit of new information like a sponge. It made her happy to see.  


"What do you think it would have been like if we'd met differently?" Shae suddenly asked.  


Brahms looked up from the glossy interview of a popular comedic actress and gave her an odd look. "Hmm?"  


She pulled her knees to her chest and gave him a thoughtful look. "If we'd gone to school together, let's say. If you hadn't been burned in the fire and no one thought you were a murderer. And we ended up at the same school together."  


"Probably nothing good," Brahms said. "There would have been whispers about me and I never had friends anyway. I was bullied quite a bit. You wouldn't have given me the time of day."  


"Hey." She gave his leg a little push, frowning. "Huh uh."  


"No?" he closed the magazine and looked down at her, folding his arms. "Someone as beautiful as you probably didn't go out of her way to befriend the weird kid."  


Shae rose up on an elbow. "That's not true. Maybe I'd have heard stories about you but remember my past, after all. At that age, it would have drawn me to you. Also, I'd have gotten one look at these cheekbones of yours," she paused to dance her fingertips over the cheekbones in question, "and I'd have been a goner."  


He started to smile at her. "Is that so?"  


"Oh, yeah."  


"So, say that you transferred to my school, then." Brahms laid down facing her. "And the only empty seat was next to me."  


"And the teacher asks you to show me around," Shae said. "And I don't have any textbooks yet so I have to share with you."  


"You lean close to me and I can smell your perfume," Brahms murmured. "I'm not able to concentrate for the rest of class. All I want to do is touch you."  


Shae bit her lip, her eyes dancing. "You're so quiet and stoic, I think you don't like me. That makes me try harder to get your attention. I lean in clooooser." She slid across the bed and pressed her forehead to his.  


"Are you trying to give me a prepubescent erection?" Brahms asked and Shae burst out laughing.  


"Yes. I was the worst little tease." She cupped the side of his face and kissed him lightly. "After class, I'd ask for a tour."  


"Do we have time for that?" Brahms asked. "Don't we have another class to get to?"  


"Nah, it's lunch time. Lots of time to show me around." Shae smiled. "And I barely listen to what you tell me. I just stare at your hands and long fingers when you point things out to me. Finally, I thank you for the tour and I ask if you can show me around town, too."  


"Wow, I've made quite the impression," Brahms said, making her laugh again.  


"Of course you have. Your curls are hanging over your forehead and I'm half in love with you already. So I give you my phone number and I wait all day for you to call me."  


Brahms sighed. "I'd never have had the nerve to call you."  


"No? Then I'd go to bed crying, I'd be so disappointed." Shae pouted.  


"Ah, that's no good then." Brahms kissed her forehead. "All right. I didn't have the nerve to call you but the next day at school, I'd arrange something with you. We'll ride our bikes around town and get doughnuts at the bakery."  


Shae sighed. "That sounds nice."  


"Mmm." Brahms nuzzled her hairline. "Sleepy now?"  


"Yeah." She tilted her face up for a soft kiss. "I hope I have sweet dreams, now."  


"I hope you do, too." Brahms switched off the lamp and cuddled close to her. "Though I can't say school is my number one dream destination."  


"It is if I let you feel me up under the bleachers."  


"You really _were_ the worst little tease."  


Shae giggled so hard she got the hiccups and Brahms fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	21. Chapter 21

"Hello?"  


Shae stirred awake. She'd fallen asleep sprawled across Brahms, as she always seemed to do. For a moment, she wondered if that ever made him feel crowded and decided that even if it did, he would never tell her. He jolted awake and clutched her to him protectively but Shae patted his hand, gently.  


"It's only Lily. Let me up, okay?" He slowly released her and she pushed herself upright, looking down into his face. He'd gone tense again and she kissed the tip of his nose and tried to smile encouragingly. "I'm going to talk to her. Do you want your mask?"  


He nodded and she gave him a quick kiss on the lips before getting up and heading out into the living room where Lily was fumbling with all of her bags. At the sound of her approach, Lily's head snapped up and she rushed to Shae, throwing her arms around her and then rather delicately hugging her.  


"You wouldn't believe the trouble I had getting back here! Remind me to buy a car; relying on boats and trains and taxis is far too much trouble." Lily pulled back and looked into Shae's face. "How are you? I mean, besides the obvious."  


Shae smiled tremulously, feeling tears starting. She was touched by Lily's concern and felt overwhelming love for her friend. "I'm doing all right, considering."  


Lily reached out and gently pushed a strand of hair behind Shae's ear. "Well, you look as if you've been bathing and doing laundry. That's very good. This man you're seeing must be taking care of you."  


Absurdly, Shae blushed. "He has. He's in my room right now. I, ah, I needed to get something of his..."  


"Okay," Lily said with a shrug.  


Shae went to the table by the door and picked up Brahms's mask. "He was badly burned in a house fire when he was a kid, so he's kind of self conscious."  


"I wouldn't have said anything," Lily said, offended.  


"No, I know you wouldn't. I was just explaining that he ah, he's got his mask and he's not terribly great at social interaction. He's getting a lot better but he's not going to be as outgoing as you are."  


Lily raised an eyebrow. "No one's as outgoing as me."  


Shae laughed a little. "That's for sure. Anyway. I'm gonna go get him. Wait here and try not to be too intimidating?"  


Lily threw her arms in the air. "Good lord, I can only turn down my natural radiance only so much!"  


Smiling, Shae went back to her bedroom and found Brahms had gotten up and was pulling on a pair of clean jeans. He looked up at her and tried to smile but she could see it looked a little strained and his shoulders were tense.  


"Lily wants to meet you. I promise that she's really nice. She's a bit much sometimes but that's only her artistic temperament. Do you think you'll be okay?"  


He nodded and grabbed the green sweater she'd knitted him, pulling it over his head. It made his hair stand up and Shae came forward to smooth it down for him and then she sort of melted against him.  


"You look really handsome," Shae said softly.  


He beamed at her. "Thank you."  


She gave him his mask to put on and then gently took his hand and led him from the room where Lily was waiting. Lily was going through the cupboards and tsking, shaking her head. She stopped when Brahms came in and turned to look at them. At the sight of Brahms, her eyes widened and then she smiled encouragingly.  


"Hello," Lily said. "I'm Lily Khatri, Shae's flatmate." She stuck out her hand.  


To Shae's surprise, Brahms smiled and shook it. "Hullo, Lily. My name's Brahms. Shae's spoken of you so much it feels as if I know you already."  


Lily's smile became more warm and genuine. "She's the best person I know. You must be quite good yourself if you've managed to turn her head."  


Brahms ducked his head bashfully. "I don't know about that. But thank you."  


Shae held onto Brahms's arm with both of hers and gave him a squeeze, giving him a radiant smile. "Do you think it would be all right if Brahms stayed here for awhile? He has some family business to do in town and I thought..."  


"It's fine," Lily said. "He's already much cleaner than--" She quickly caught herself and smoothly continued, "Most people I can name. But it looks as if all you two have been consisting on is delivery food, am I right?"  


Shae bit her lip. "It was all either of us had the energy for..."  


"Say no more," Lily said. She strode across the room and picked up her purse, deliberately ignoring her stack of luggage still in the middle of the floor. "I'll go to the shops right now and pick us up some supplies."  


"But you've only just gotten back," Shae protested. "Do you really want to go out again?"  


Lily gave her an affectionate smile. "When have I ever been a homebody? I'll be back in an hour or so. I'll make us a full breakfast."  


"Thank you, Lily," Shae said.  


Waving a hand over her shoulder, Lily went out the door and seemed to take some of the color and light with her. Brahms released a breath and looked down at Shae. He saw she was already looking at him expectantly so he said, "You're lucky I didn't meet her first."  


Shae elbowed him and laughed. "Shut up."  


Brahms went to where Lily's luggage was stacked. "I'll put these away so she doesn't come back and trip over them."  


"More likely than you think," Shae murmured. She sat down at the table and reached under it for her laptop case. She realized that she hadn't checked her email in days and there was probably something from Mildred by now. She could have checked her phone for her email but she really preferred her laptop, especially if she was going to be doing a lot of typing. Booting up her computer, she rested a chin in her hand and watched Brahms carry each of the bags to Lily's room. They were big and unwieldy but he managed to lift them effortlessly. As she watched him, she felt the beginning stirrings of desire followed quickly by guilt. How could she be thinking about sex so soon after she'd lost her child? How dare she have any moment of happiness? It felt like a betrayal.  


Blinking at sudden tears, Shae clicked the icon for Chrome and opened up her email. As she expected, there was something from Mildred but it had only been sent just last night. Shae clicked it and read the brief message quickly.  


"Brahms?"  


He was just entering the room after dropping off the last bag. "Yes?"  


"Mildred's emailed me. She says that she's worked something out with the lawyers but they need to meet you. She says she'll be picking you up today. In about... ten minutes actually." Shae frowned. "I'm sorry, I should have checked this earlier."  


Brahms went still. "Lawyers?"  


"Yes. I think she needs to prove that you exist or something. I don't really know, she doesn't explain much. Do you think you're ready?" Shae looked him over. "You're dressed in clean clothes, at least."  


He looked down at himself. "So that's good?"  


"Uh huh. You should probably brush your hair, though." She smiled at him warmly. "You really _do_ look very handsome, by the way."  


The grin he gave her was boyishly sweet and he ducked into the bathroom to fix his hair. Shae scrolled through the rest of her messages, skipping ones from work colleagues because she didn't feel much like reading condolences at the moment, when there was a buzzing from the intercom. Shae hopped up and ran to it and pressed the button. "Hello?"  


"Shae? It's Mildred."  


"I'll buzz you in!" Shae pressed the button and then nervously went to the bathroom where Brahms was finishing up smoothing down his hair. He glanced over at her and she smiled a little. "Your aunt's on her way up."  


"Guess I better get some shoes on." He brushed by her on the way out of the bathroom and said, "You'd better put something on yourself."  


"Brahms..."  


"Hm?" he sat down on the sofa and started tugging on his work boots.  


"I'm not going."  


He stopped and looked at her, frowning. "What do you mean?"  


She let out a ragged breath. "I'm sorry but I don't want to go anywhere."  


"I'm not just going to run off and leave you." Brahms stopped lacing his boots and sat up. "When Millie gets here, I'll just tell her we need to reschedule."  


Shae shook her head and said gently, "No, Brahms. This is important."  


He stood and went to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "What's wrong?"  


She shrugged his hands off. "The same thing that's been wrong all along, Brahms. I just want to stay home."  


Looking hurt, he nodded. "Okay. I still feel that I should at least wait until Lily comes back."  


"It's fine." There was a knock at the door and Shae went to answer it. "I doubt your aunt wants to be kept waiting anyway."  


"Shae..."  


But Shae opened the door and Mildred stood there, looking a little anxious. "Hello, dear. Is he--" She looked around Shae and saw Brahms. "Oh, good, you're ready to go. I got a little worried when you didn't reply to my email. Maybe if I had your mobile number if that's more convenient?" Mildred had her phone out and entered in Shae's number as she recited it to her. "Good. Well, Brahms, we'd best be off. There's a lot for us to do today. If there's time, we can even get you a phone of your own."  


Brahms slipped on his jacket and came to the door. He paused in front of Shae. "I'll see you later," he murmured, and brushed a kiss on the top of her head.  


"Bye," she said softly.  


When she was finally alone, Shae curled up in a ball on the sofa.

~*~

At Carthage, Farnsworth, and Bane, Mildred led Brahms directly into the office of Edward Farnsworth, a man with a head of salt and pepper hair and a grim countenance. Once Brahms and Mildred were seated, he released a long breath and sank into his chair.  


"Brahms Heelshire," Mr. Farnsworth said. "Good lord."  


Mildred glanced over at Brahms. "Yes. Here he is. My late brother and his wife have kept him quite secret over the years."  


"Well, thanks to their secrecy, Brahms is dead officially." Farnsworth tapped his desk. "Therefore, I've been pulling everything together to create a new identity for him. This is all highly illegal and it's only my long-standing friendship with your father and aunt that I'm even doing this, Brahms. Make good use of this identity. If you break the law or make anyone suspicious enough to do a little digging, it's going to be obvious that the new you is a fake."  


Brahms nodded once. "All right."  


Farnsworth picked up a folder from his desk and pushed it across the table. "I discussed things with your aunt and this is everything we need you to sign. We're making you a driving license, birth certificate, NIN, and passport. All we need now are photos."  


Brahms opened the folder and looked at his new name. Erik Michael Lennox. He started to smile. "It's a good name."  


"I thought you'd like it," Mildred murmured.  


Sighing, Farnsworth stood. "All right. Let's go into the conference room and take the pictures. We have all the regulation backgrounds and the correct lighting. Come along, Erik."  


"I think I still want to be called Brahms," Brahms said. "We can say it's a nickname, since I enjoy classical music."  


"Well, whatever you want to be called, let's go," Farnsworth said a tad impatiently. He stood and opened the door for Brahms and Mildred who went out immediately. He sighed once more and followed them.

~*~

It was much, much later when Shae's phone rang. She was still curled up on the sofa, full of healthy, well-cooked meals that Lily had been feeding her all day. It did nothing for the emptiness that yawned open inside of her but it was nice to not have delivery yet again. The call was from a number she didn't recognize and she almost let it go to voice mail before she remembered Mildred's suggestion of getting Brahms his own phone.  


Shae answered and hesitantly said, "Hello?"  


"Hello, my love."  


Suddenly, warmth suffused her chest and she didn't feel quite as low. "Brahms."  


"Ah, my new name is Erik," he said and she could hear the smirk in his voice.  


"Is it really?" she giggled.  


"Yeah, Erik Lennox. All official. There's still more to be done but I had enough identification to sign up for a phone contract at least. All that's left is to establish an income for me. We're going to be doing that tomorrow. There's some loophole in the will that Mildred's allowed to retire and appoint someone new for the care of 'Brahms.' And that's going to be me."  


"Wow. A whole new identity. Does it feel weird?"  


"Not really. Maybe it hasn't set in yet. But I still want to be called Brahms, maybe that's what's keeping everything from being overwhelming."  


Shae smiled. "Like a nickname? That's perfect for you, considering what kind of music you like."  


"That's what I told Farnsworth." He chuckled. "It's like you live in my head."  


Shae giggled. "So when are you coming home?"  


"Right. That's why I'm calling," Brahms said and her heart sank. "Millie's having me stay at her hotel tonight so we can finish our business early tomorrow. Then I'm all yours. How's that sound?"  


She was quiet a moment and then said, "That's fine. It'll be good to have everything done, you know? Especially so you can have spending money of your own. What do you think your first big purchase will be?"  


"Well, Millie's going to help me find a flat."  


Now her stomach rolled. "Wow."  


"Yeah. And I suppose a car. I learned on my own years ago, driving my dad's car on the grounds at night. It was kind of fun but I've never driven on real roads before." She heard a knock on his end and he quickly said, "Just a minute, love."  


She listened to a muffled conversation for a few moments and then he was back, "I'm sorry, I have to go now. Millie and I are getting a late supper. I'll see you probably tomorrow afternoon, all right?"  


"Okay. Goodnight, Brahms. I love you."  


"I love you, too. You'll be all right with Lily there, won't you?"  


"Of course. Enjoy your supper."  


"Thanks. I miss you, Shae. Goodnight."  


"'Night." Shae hung up and then curled up in a ball once more, feeling even more empty than before.


	22. Chapter 22

Shae hadn't been able to sleep at all and had given up trying around five a.m. She got up, wrapped up in a blanket, and waddled out to the living room and the table where she sat down with her laptop and answered emails. A lot had gotten backed up; there were many emails from her students' parents who were concerned with their child's progress. It seemed to Shae that the ones who worried too much didn't need to and the ones who didn't worry at all could stand to start doing so. When those messages were all replied to, she tapped her fingers on the table for a moment and then started reading the dreaded emails from her colleagues. Before Brahms had kidnapped her, the emails were all work-related. It wasn't until after Monday that the sympathies had come flooding in. They were all good people, but one email from a year two teacher she hardly knew, Blanche, had her in tears. Blanche had given birth to a stillborn girl five years ago. She and her husband had separated as a result and she had all the sympathy in the world for Shae.  


Cradling her head in her arms, Shae sobbed until she drifted to sleep. She came awake when a gentle hand settled on her back and someone murmured her name.  


Shae lifted her head. "Brahms?"  


"No, it's just me," Lily said softly. "Would you like me to make breakfast?"  


Groggily, Shae rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Yes, please."  


"I think I'll make a nice fritata. Yours are always better but I've never heard you complain about mine." Lily started puttering around the kitchen, gathering her ingredients together. "Would you like to go for a walk today? Just to get some air. Maybe this afternoon?"  


Shae sighed. "No, I don't want to miss Brahms when he comes back."  


"He's got a phone now. You can call him and tell him where we are."  


"I don't want to, Lily."  


Lily didn't speak for the next few minutes. Then, "Shae, I'm worried."  


"Oh for fuck's sake," Shae snapped. "I just fucking miscarried, can everyone get off my fucking ass about wanting to be alone?"  


Startled, Lily spun to face her. "I'm sorry, I was only--"  


Shae buried her face in her hands. "I know. You're just helping. So's Brahms. And I'm... I'm just being awful to both of you and I'm so sorry!"  


Lily rushed to Shae's side and held her as she cried. "Shhh, no, darling. You're not awful at all. You're grieving and I understand, I truly do. When my sister died, I felt like a vital part of me died as well. It took me simply ages to be able to get up in the morning and see colors again. Everything was so gray. And no matter how much anyone told me that the colors were there, I just couldn't see them. You go at your own pace, darling. Brahms and I are still going to suggest going out to you sometimes, though. And one day you'll take our suggestion and we'll be so happy for you. Until then, you take the time you need. Hush now."  


When Shae finally settled, she drew back a little. "I can't believe I forgot you had a twin."  


Lily's smile was sad. "You remind me of Rose, a little. It may be why I love you so much. She was maternal and sweet and... every day she's been gone has been difficult."  


Shae looked deep into her friend's eyes. "Do you ever feel guilty that you survived the car crash and she didn't?"  


Lily stared back unblinkingly. "Every single day."  


The answer fell on Shae like a boulder. _Every single day_. She was going to feel like this for the rest of her life. Her guilt at not protecting Wolfie would chase her to her grave. It sickened her. But when Lily rubbed her back, Shae mustered up a tired smile until she'd fooled Lily into thinking she was all right.  


Then she ate her fritata and started mentally revisiting an old plan.

~*~

Around two p.m. Brahms texted that he was on the way back to the flat. Shae got up and put on a clean pair of jeans and a lacey shirt over a camisole. She brushed her hair and braided it and then put on a little makeup as well.  


When he finally arrived, she met him with a big smile on her face and he swept her up into his arms.  


"Ohhhh, I've missed you," he growled in her ear, making her giggle.  


"It was one night," Shae gently chided him.  


He set her back on her feet and pressed his forehead to hers. "Longest night of my life. I couldn't shake the feeling that you were angry with me."  


"I'm not angry with you." She smiled up into his eyes. "See?"  


"Good." He sighed and touched her cheek with loving fingers.  


"How did everything go today?" Shae asked.  


Brahms' face lit up. "Brilliant! We went to the bank and I have a bank account! Look!" He pulled a new wallet out of his pocket and pulled out a Bank of London card with ERIK LENNOX embossed on the front. "Millie transferred some money in. She said she's got loads of the stuff from her own inheritance. Says that the money from the Heelshire estate should be mine anyway, as the true heir. I've applied for some credit cards as well. They'll come here to the flat eventually. And we had some suits custom made for me, since I'm so tall. They'll be delivered here as well. And then we stopped by the Royal Albert Hall for lunch and I got to hear this lovely harpist. It was fantastic Shae, look!" He held out his phone and showed her the pictures he'd taken. She was distantly amused that he'd focused on the instrument and not the harpist herself.  


"And you were all right?" Shae asked gently. "That sounds very crowded."  


"Well," he paused. "I wasn't entirely comfortable, no. We didn't linger or anything but I feel like I'm getting better. When my suits and cards come, I should be feeling well enough to take you on a proper date and everything."  


Her smile turned sad. "Good."  


Brahms put his phone away and then tilted back a little, bending his knees to look into her face. "How are you, my love? You look as if you're doing a bit better."  


"I am." She smiled at him and stepped forward to hug him tightly around his waist. "I love you."  


He hugged her back. "I love you, too."  


She bit her lip and hugged tighter. "I love you with all of my heart, Brahms. I'm sorry I was mean to you yesterday."  


"You weren't," he insisted. "I just made a lot of assumptions and wasn't thinking about your feelings. You were right to be cross with me and I apologize."  


"You're getting so much better at apologizing," she whispered. "That's really good. I'm very proud of you."  


They stood there for a long time, embracing. It felt fantastic. He reached out and gently grasped the end of her plait. "I like your hair like this." He laughed a little. "I like everything you do with your hair. You're lovely."  


"So are you." She pulled back and saw the bemused look on his face and then poked him in the chest. "Nuh uh, mister. You _are_ lovely and not just the unscarred bit of your face you show the whole world. I love your whole face. I love all of you. You're growing into a wonderful man and I'm so proud that I got to know you."  


His expression became more uncertain. "Shae...?"  


She quickly grasped his hands and beamed up into his face. "What do you say we listen to some Brahms-style music, hm? You've watched so much junk telly with me, I think you've earned a treat."  


"That... sounds nice," Brahms said slowly. "But--"  


"It's okay, Lily likes classical music, too. She's taking a nap but if she wakes up, the music won't disturb her. Here." She went to the table and clicked her laptop's mouse. A lovely waltz started and Shae held her arms out. "Dance with me."  


Brahms ducked his head. "I, erm, don't know how."  


"Then I'll teach you," she said softly. "Dance with me."  


He stepped towards her and let her arrange his arms just so, one arm bent with his hand clasping hers, the other resting at her waist. Then she started the footwork, whispering the time to him. It came to him more easily than dancing to contemporary music and soon they were waltzing around the room, giggling and holding on to each other like a prince and princess in a fairy tale.

~*~

That night, Shae came to bed with a saucy smile on her face. Brahms looked up from the magazine he was flipping through and after seeing that smile, tipped the magazine out of his hand and onto the floor with a fluttery sound. She crawled up the bed to him like a panther and straddled his lap.  


"Hello, sexy man," she said throatily.  


He swallowed hard. "Love, it- it hasn't been two weeks yet."  


"I know." She leaned forward and gave him a hot, slow kiss that left him grasping her waist. She whispered against his lips, "But there's other things we can do."  


Brahms kissed her again, his tongue minty and soft against hers. It made her head whirl and broke her heart at the same time. She slid her hands up his shoulders, over the nape of his neck and wove her fingers through his curls. His hair was getting shaggy again which was good; plenty to grasp.  


"What are we going to do?" he asked, a little growly with desire.  


Shae smiled at him with hooded eyes and then flopped backwards, spreading her legs. "You can watch me," she said, and lightly rubbed her fingers up and down her vulva. Brahms couldn't look away and Shae saw the blankets covering his lap had become tented.  


"Mmm." She tilted her head to the side and started circling her clit with her middle finger. "I did this when I was away from you, you know. A couple nights a week. I'd think of Brahms and touch myself here, wishing it was you."  


Brahms tossed the blankets aside and knelt between her legs, staring with wide eyes, his breathing fast and excited. He reached for his cock and started stroking. Soon just looking wasn't enough and he cupped one of her breasts in his hand, giving her a gentle squeeze that budded her nipples up into hard little points.  


"I did the same thing," Brahms said, his tone gravelly with lust. "God, I missed you so much."  


She whimpered and started circling her clit faster. Her hips started bucking and she could feel heat building up inside of her. She didn't look away from Brahms for a second. She couldn't. She wanted this moment etched in his memory for always and he'd told her that he loved watching her face as she came. "Climaxed" as he called it. He'd finally admitted to her that he'd learned that word from his mother's romance novels that he'd sneak into the walls in his early teens. He'd never had access to traditional porn. Her poor, sweet boy...  


"Brahms!" she gasped and felt it happening, everything tightening inside of her. She saw his hand moving more quickly over his cock and then he was moaning and coming on her tummy. Catching his breath, he dropped so he was propped over her and gave her such a sensual, loving kiss with just a hint of tongue that she quivered all over and came in wave after wave of heat and when it finally calmed, she was still kissing him, her hands in his hair. She felt she couldn't stop kissing him, she loved him so much, that if she stopped then that meant everything was over. And she didn't want it to be over. Not yet. Not just yet.  


It was Brahms who finally broke free from the kiss, panting. "Wait," he gasped. "Hold on, love."  


She smoothed her hands down his back and waited for him to catch his breath. She circled her legs around his waist and rocked her hips a little, making him moan her name. Taking pity on him, she went still and stroked the back of his head.  


"Does that feel better?" she whispered in his ear.  


"God, yes," he said, making her giggle. He rose up on one elbow to stare into her face in wonder. "You're the perfect woman, Shae. No, come on," he said when he saw her expression sour. "I know you hate that. But I mean.. you're the perfect woman for me. There can never be anyone else."  


"You don't know that," Shae said, her face going blank.  


Brahms frowned at her. "Actually, I do. I love you, I'm not going to love anyone else. It's just going to be me and you. For always. Just like I promised you."  


"That's right," she whispered, eyes glimmering. "You did promise that."  


"And I intend to keep that promise." He kissed her lips lightly and then got up. "Want to clean up a little? We got a bit dirty."  


"Yeah, we did," Shae said, attempting his growly tone. Brahms laughed and caressed her ass as she rolled from the bed. "Robes on so we don't give Lily a show!"  


Brahms hastily threw his on as Shae slipped into hers and then went down the hall to the bathroom, hand in hand and hushing each other while giggling.

~*~

Brahms' alarm went off at seven a.m. Shae was already awake, having not slept all night. But Brahms groaned and reluctantly sat up, reaching for his phone on the nightstand and fumbling with it.  


"Bloody thing," he mumbled. He laid back down and wrapped an arm around Shae's waist, nuzzling her neck. "Don't wanna leave you."  


"But you're meeting Millie to look at flats."  


"Mmf. Yeah, but, you're all sexy and warm and I love you." He started kissing her neck and Shae lay there stiff and tense. "Love you so, so, so...."  


"I love you, too," she said softly.  


Brahms sighed, long and satisfied. "Shall I make us something to eat?"  


"I'm not hungry," Shae said.  


He chuckled. "That's right. My Shae likes a lie in." He kissed her neck a little more and murmured, "I'll come say goodbye before I leave, okay?"  


"Okay."  


Gently, he turned her face to give her lips a soft, lingering kiss and then he rose from the bed and dressed. He had on a nice black cashmere sweater that Mildred had picked out for him. It clung to his chest nicely but Shae didn't let herself enjoy that. She closed her eyes and waited for him to leave the room.  


An hour later she feigned sleep when he came back to nuzzle her cheek and whisper goodbye.  


When he was gone, she rose and went to her desk, finding paper and pen. She had all the right words and wrote them. At least, she thought she had the right words. It took her ages to finally get it right and it was well into afternoon when she felt like she'd said what needed saying. Everything to Lily was what she'd composed months ago, but Brahms? That took a bit more time and thought, even though it was all she could think of last night. But finally, she got it all out.  


Rising, she took the reject papers and put them through her shredder. Then she went to the closet and picked out a soft red, sweater dress. Sitting down on the bed, she rolled on stockings and then slid on her red suede boots. After a moment of consideration, she braided her hair once more and then looked into the mirror. Good. That was good.  


Then she left her flat, Lily still sleeping, and made her slow but steady way up to the roof.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're entering the home stretch! I don't know if I'm going to take one or two chapters to wrap all this up but we're getting there! Thanks for sticking with me on this.

"You can't beat that view, can you?" the estate agent said smugly, gesturing out the windows that gave them a panoramic view of London. Brahms thought that mountains or the ocean would beat a cityscape any day of the week but he smiled politely. "And of course the kitchen has been recently renovated. See the quartz counter tops? More durable and easier to maintain than granite. Very nice."  


Mildred drew in a breath. "I love the back splash."  


Brahms had no idea what they were yammering on about and walked into the living room, hands in his pockets. All the furniture was immaculate and looked expensive. Every place he'd seen today had looked like this, it was going to be hard to tell them apart when he had to make a decision. He was finding that he liked places with character, like Lily and Shae's flat. He dropped onto the couch and tilted his head back, sighing.  


It had been a long morning. More paperwork and then more shopping for clothing separates and signing him up for a car service until he got a car of his own and now all these high end flats... It was too much. He'd only slept on and off last night, excited and worried about today. And also excited to be so close to Shae. His little love had been so wonderful last night. So perfect.  


He slid into sleep almost too easily.

~*~

Brahms was standing in the hallway outside of Shae and Lily's flat. He frowned. How'd he get here? Wasn't he with Mildred and that tiresome estate agent?  


"Dad!"  


He whipped his head to the right. At the door leading to the stairs stood Wolfie. He was dressed in jeans and a red sweater, his face pale and tight with worry. "Come on! You have to stop her!"  


"What?" Brahms jogged to his son but he slipped through the door before Brahms reached him. He went through the door and heard the boy's footsteps pounding up the stairs. Brahms followed. "Wolfie! What's happening?"  


"She's going to jump! You've got to stop her, Dad! Move! Wake up!"  


Brahms ran faster and overtook Wolfie on the stairs, blowing by him and slamming out the door to the roof. He just made it as Shae, arms spread, dropped over the side of the building.  


"No!" Brahms screamed, his heart ripping in two.  


Jerking awake, Brahms looked around frantically. He was still on the uncomfortably fashionable sofa and could hear Millie and the estate agent in the bathroom exclaiming over the taps. What the hell had that been? Brahms pulled out his phone and dialed Shae. The call went immediately to voice mail. His stomach sank and he jumped off the sofa, running to the door. He stepped into the elevator and got on his phone again, calling down to the driver.  


"I'm on my way," he said curtly. "I need you to take me back home. It has to be fast or I'll fire you."  


"Of course, sir," the driver answered smoothly, used to rich clients threatening him.  


After what felt like ages, Brahms made it out of the building and ran to the car. The driver was out and holding the door open for him. Brahms dove into the back and the driver had the door shut and was back behind the wheel with no time to spare. Then they were off and Brahms kept dialing Shae's number over and over. He wished he had Lily's but he'd never thought to get it from her and cursed himself for a fool.  


"Oh, love, please. Please," Brahms whispered, trying her number for the fifteenth time.  


The car came to a stop and Brahms finally took stock of his surroundings. They were stopped just a few blocks from Shae's building. "What's going on?" Brahms demanded.  


"Traffic," the driver said. "I can try to circle around the block but I'm closed in at the moment."  


He didn't have time for this shit. Brahms popped open the door, ignoring the driver's startled exclamation of "Sir!" and started running. He ran through Do Not Walk signs and made drivers lay on their horns and swear at him but he didn't hear any of it. He ran as fast as he could and when he reached the building, the door was propped open for a package delivery. Sprinting by the startled people in the lobby, he stabbed the elevator button until the doors finally opened and once inside, jammed the closed door button after hitting the button for the top floor. He radiated impatience as the elevator hummed upwards. With a ding, the doors slid leisurely open and Brahms raced down the hall to the door leading to the stairs and ran up those, lungs burning. Fuck his discomfort, Shae's life was on the line.  


Brahms slammed through the door leading to the roof and there she was, just like in his dream. She was even dressed the same as Wolfie had been, in red. She stood on the edge of the building, staring down but on hearing Brahms approach, she looked over her shoulder at him, surprised.  


"Get down from there," Brahms said harshly.  


Shae's expression closed off to him. "I'm sorry, Brahms. I can't do this anymore."  


"Can't do what? Get down, Shae. I mean it." He held out his hand.  


She ignored it and looked away. "I need to do this. You'll be fine without me. You're already doing so well."  


"No!" Brahms shook his head frantically. "I can't do anything without you! Please, I don't want you to do this. Come to me." He wanted to just go to her and yank her down but he was worried that any step closer and she'd jump before he could reach her.  


"This isn't about what you want, Brahms," she said mechanically.  


Brahms's head spun and then he spat out the first thing he thought of. "Wolfie doesn't want this, either!"  


She turned her head to him again, her eyes full of disbelieving tears. "What are you--??"  


"I've seen Wolfie," Brahms said. He came closer and stood next to her, looking up into her face. His own tears were falling. "Twice. Both times he was warning me that you were about to take your life. He doesn't like you beating yourself up, love. He wants you to live. Everything that I told you about being better? That came from him."  


"But... but how...?"  


"I thought I was dreaming," Brahms said. "But both times I've woken up and known you were in danger. How could I have known that without his help? He loves you so much, Shae. Just as much as I love you. He wants his mum to live a long life. Please. Get down."  


Shae wavered. She looked over the side of the building and then back to Brahms. "What did he look like?"  


Brahms smiled and it was so sadly sublime it took Shae's breath away. "He's beautiful. He looks just like you but he has my eyes. Dark red hair, kind of shaggy like mine. And oh, his smile. Shae, it lit up the room. I've never seen a smile so beautiful except on your face. And when I first saw him, he was... He was with your mother, Shae. She doesn't want you doing this, either. She loves you so much and she's watching Wolfie for us. She was making him chocolate chip Mickey Mouse pancakes."  


Sobbing now, Shae wobbled and Brahms rushed to her side and helped her down from the ledge. He held her tightly to him as she cried, stroking her back and her hair.  


"Oh love, my sweet love," he murmured into her hair.  


"You're not lying?" Shae croaked. "You really saw Wolfie?"  


"I swear on my love for you I did," Brahms said. "How else did I know to come straight here?"  


Shae sniffled. "Well, I left a note."  


"I haven't been in the flat. I took a car as far as I could and ran the rest of the way." He drew back and looked down into her face. "What's it going to take for me to help you? What do you need, love?"  


"I don't want you to go," Shae said miserably.  


He stared at her. "I wasn't going anywhere."  


"But... the flat..."  


"Shae." He hugged her to him again. "I'm sorry. I should have said but I thought you understood that the flat was meant for both of us. So we could be as in love as we wanted without having to disturb Lily. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."  


She wrapped her arms around him. "I don't want to hurt anymore. Lily lost her sister in a car accident when they were sixteen. They were twins. Lily was driving. She said that she always feels guilty every single day and I don't want to live that way."  


Brahms smoothed his hands down her shoulders. "That's a little different, love. Lily's found a way to live with the guilt. Maybe you need to talk to her again."  


"I can't. Then she'll know about Dad and Isaac..."  


"I think you need to tell her." Brahms stood back and looked down into Shae's tearful face. "I'll be with you. We'll tell her everything."  


Shae sniffled and looked a little terrified. "Everything?"  


Brahms nodded. "Everything."  


Shae went quiet, thinking about it and then nodded. "Okay. I think I need to. The guilt of everything is killing me."  


"Then let's go." Brahms wrapped his arm around her and walked her back inside.

~*~

When they were back in the flat, Lily was sketching busily on the sofa. She looked up from her sketch pad and smiled when they came in but that smile slid off her face and crashed to the floor when she saw Shae.  


"What's happened?" Lily exclaimed, jumping up.  


"Lily, I need to talk to you," Shae said, her voice scratchy. "Can we... can we sit?"  


"Should I make tea?" Lily asked.  


Shae shook her head. "I need to tell you some stuff before I lose my nerve."  


"So do I," Brahms murmured, giving Shae a squeeze.  


"You're frightening me," Lily said softly.  


Shae's eyes were bleak. "I'm always frightened."  


The three of them sat down and Shae started talking. She unloaded everything: her abusive father, the murder she planned with her mother. She was crying too hard to continue for awhile so Brahms quietly confessed to his murder of Emily and the fire his parents set to cover it up and possibly kill him in the bargain. He told about spending years inside the walls, apart from his family, and his parents getting older and trying to fob him off onto a nanny, then about the three women he ended up killing.  


"I was like a feral, mad thing," Brahms said, his voice shaking. "I hardly... it hardly seems like me. I didn't start becoming me until I met Shae." Though, granted, this was when he'd murdered Jules van Arden who had been in the process of sexually assaulting Shae. He told Lily all about that as well and his murder of Cole and letting Greta and Malcolm take the blame for it.  


Shae had recovered herself by then, staring into Lily's wide, somber eyes. "Lil? I... I killed Isaac, too. That day, you were neck deep in your latest piece and I sneaked out of the flat, stole a car, and ran him down. When the police came later to question us, I knew you'd reliably place me here and you did. I'm so sorry I used you. I... I..."  


"Oh, love," Lily murmured. "I already knew."  


Brahms and Shae stared at each other in shock and then back to Lily. " _What_?"  


"I heard you leave," Lily said. "But I wasn't about to tell the police that. Isaac was a twat. You'd been looking at your phone so often so I, well, I snooped a little. I found all those texts he'd been sending you. And that night he shouted at you on the phone, I was in the hall and I heard him threaten to go to the police about your father. I put a few things together." She glanced at Brahms. "I kind of had a feeling about you as well. I did a little research on the Heelshires when Shae wasn't answering any of her texts and calls. I knew enough that they had a dead son, no one she could possibly be a nanny for but then she called and sounded so normal. And then I was able to figure out that she was seeing someone. When you came here with the mask and told me your name, everything fell into place." Lily sank back into the sofa and released a long breath. "You two are absolutely exhausting and made for each other."  


They chuckled humorlessly and Shae said. "So... what happens now?"  


"I think that's up to you," Lily said quietly.  


Shae stared down at her hand, linked with Brahms'. "I need to turn myself in."  


"Then I will, too," Brahms said automatically. "We'll never see each other again, but if we want to be the kind of people Wolfie can be proud of, we have to face up to what we've done."  


Tearing up, again, Shae nodded. "I'll miss you so much."  


He pressed his forehead to hers and swallowed hard before pressing a loving kiss to her brow and then pulling out his phone. He was about to call 999 when Lily said, "Wait. Not so fast."  


They both frowned over at her and Lily sat up straight. They could practically see the wheels turning in Lily's head. "I've done some research into this, you know. When I had my suspicions about Shae. And there's no real evidence that incarceration does anything to prevent recidivism. In fact, it's more likely to occur after a stint in prison. Think about it: you take a criminal, even ones like you two who regret their crimes and then what do you do? You place them with other criminals. If anything, when you gather everyone together like that, they can compare notes and show each other better ways to commit crimes by telling how each of them got caught. Then when you're out, you have a stigma of being a criminal and no one will hire you, no one wants to speak to you... it's awful. No, I don't think you two need to be in prison. I've felt perfectly safe with the pair of you all this time, after all."  


"Then what else is there?" Shae said miserably.  


Lily leaned forward, hands on her knees. "It's like what Wolfie told Brahms: you have to be better. You need to start putting positivity out into the universe. Pardon me, Shae my love, but lolling in bed crying doesn't do much help for anyone. And that's probably all you'd do in prison, right?"  


Shae bit her lip, looking down guiltily. "Honestly, probably. Until I could get hold of some shoelaces and hang myself."  


"There, see?! That does nothing for anyone! So the two of you have to commit from this day forth to be better. Help others. I'm not asking you to negotiate peace in the middle east or anything like that, but volunteer some of your time to the needy. Maybe take some of that Heelshire money you're about to get and donate that to charitable causes." Lily smiled sadly. "It may not ever be enough to undo the karmic damage of ending so many lives, but you won't be doing any worse and you'll be making the world a better place for others in the bargain."  


Shae and Brahms looked into one another's eyes. "I think we can do it," Brahms said softly.  


"You're already on the right path," Shae said. "I'm struggling so much more."  


"Then I'll help you," Brahms said. He looked to Lily. "We both will. Won't we?"  


Lily smiled and it reached her eyes, looking so beautiful and kind that Brahms felt guilty for his long ago thought that Lily wasn't pretty in the way that Shae was. And no, she wasn't. She didn't have that doll-like vulnerability. Lily was strong and assured and that kind of beauty was going to last her her whole life.  


"Of course I'll help," Lily said. "I'm an accessory to all of your crimes now for not turning you in myself. So we've made a pact: we're going to be better and do better. Yes?" She put her hand out and Shae covered it with hers and then Brahms put his own hand out as well.  


"Be better and do better," they both repeated.  


The three of them shared a smile and for the first time in ages, it felt like a shadow had finally passed over Shae's heart and she could live her life again.


	24. Chapter 24

"So be your name Buxbaum, Bixby, or Bray, or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting... so get on your way!" Shae closed the book and smiled at the children circled around her. "Okay, that's the last one. You all have to go to bed now." She kissed the soft head of the little girl on her lap and murmured, "You too, Katie."  


The children of the pediatric burn ward still moaned though they'd managed to scam three more stories out of Shae to stretch out their time until bed. Everyone dashed to their beds and Shae went around tucking everyone in, giving them little whispers and tickles as she went. She'd chosen to volunteer at this part of the hospital since so few people wanted to. It was difficult to see the children so horribly injured, but they reminded her of Brahms. If she could make these children feel accepted, and not like monsters as he'd felt, then that was the kind of good the universe needed.  


Shae was just tucking in Katie, when the nurse, Abby, came into the room with a smile. "I see you've finally let Shae go," she said.  


"We could have gotten three more stories," a little boy with chubby chipmunk cheeks said, "but we decided not to push our luck."  


"A wise decision, Graham," Abby said, making everyone giggle. "Say good night to Shae!"  


"Good night, Shae!" the children chorused.  


"Good night, guys." She blew them all a kiss and several blew one back. She followed the nurse out the door and heard one of the children murmur, "I'm going to marry her when I grow up."  


Abby clicked out the light and closed the door softly. "Thank you for coming in so often. Many of our volunteers visit a few times and then stop. The children are quiet taken with you."  


"They're lovely," Shae said. "My boyfriend was burned when he was a child. He wasn't... treated very kindly."  


Smiling sadly, Abby nodded. "Well, thank you. I heard you'll only be coming by on weekends now. You're feeling well enough to go back to work?"  


"Yes. I took a month after my miscarriage but I'm ready now. I miss my kids. That lot made me miss them, too." She gestured back to the room they just left. "I want as much time with them before I relocate."  


Abby raised her brows. "Relocating? Where?"  


"At the end of the school year, my boyfriend and I are moving to Cornwall. We want to be closer to his aunt and I've gotten a teaching job at a school for the deaf. We're very excited but I'll miss everyone here."  


"They'll miss you, too. You'll have to write."  


Shae smiled brightly. "I will. The kids will enjoy having a pen pal. And I want them to send all their drawings so I can decorate my new office."  


They reached the end of the hallway where Lily was up on a ladder, putting on the finishing touches of her mural. It was an enchanted glen with fairies and dragons and she was adding glitter to the horn of a unicorn when she heard the pair of them approach.  


"Hello, you two," Lily said cheerfully. "How's it look?"  


"It's wonderful," Abby said. "The children will be so happy when they wake up and see it's finished."  


Lily came down the ladder and smiled at Shae. "I just need to put this and the tarp away and we can go." She pointed to the mural and said to Abby, "Make sure no one touches this until morning. The paint will smear."  


Abby nodded solemnly. "I'll guard it with my life."  


"See that you do," Lily said and winked. She picked up the ladder and carried it away. Shae followed with the tarp she had picked up and folded up.  


"Do you have to flirt with everyone?" Shae murmured, amused.  


"Darling, it's who I am," Lily said and they both laughed.

~*~

Shae was in her little black dress and fastening on her mother's gold chain necklace when Lily lightly knocked on her door. "Brahms is here. You'd better come out now or I'm going on your date for you. He looks positively delicious."  


Eagerly, Shae slipped on her black velvet pumps and stood, smoothing her hands down her dress. Lily opened the door all the way and looked her over with an approving eye. "Gorgeous," she said. "Go knock him dead."  


"I want him alive," Shae said and picked up her clutch. She hurried out to the living room where Brahms stood with his back to her, looking out the window. "Hello, you."  


He spun around and Shae's breath caught in her throat. He was dressed in a dark Armani suit, the lines so clean and crisp she hardly believed what rags she'd found him in when they first met. His handsome face stared at her in wonder as he slowly approached her.  


"You're breath-taking," Brahms murmured.  


"So are you." Shae reached up and smoothed a hand down his lapel. She smiled up into his eyes. "Are you sure we have to go anywhere at all?"  


He laughed softly and kissed her forehead. "I promised you a proper date and you're getting one. Let's go."  


Shae held his arm as they walked to the door, where Brahms scooped up the over-night bag she packed and slung it over his shoulder. He gave her a sweet smile and opened the door for her, bowing her out and then following with an eager bounce to his step.

~*~

The dinner had been lovely. Brahms had pulled her chair out for her and spoken confidently to the waiter and Shae had been so proud she wanted to cry. He was starting to lose the tense, hunched shoulder posture he adopted when out in public, though his eyes still darted around a little warily. Shae was more than aware that Rome wasn't built in a day but was positive that soon he'd make his way fearlessly through the world.  


Now they were at the hotel he'd booked for them, the one Mildred had stayed in until Brahms had been settled. He nodded politely to the doorman who greeted him with, "Welcome back, Mr. Lennox."  


"Thank you, Charles."  


The man looked startled to have his name remembered and then gave them a genuine smile.  


On the elevator ride up to their room, Brahms fondled Shae's ass and kissed her neck softly. "Wait until I get you alone," he growled. "I've missed you, you beautiful woman."  


Shae shivered. She was eager for this. It'd been ages since she'd slept with Brahms. A week ago, he'd found her in the bathroom popping a pill and had asked about it. She'd blushed and shyly admitted that it was birth control.  


"So the next time I get pregnant, it won't be a surprise," she had said, not sure how he was going to respond. "We'll both be on board. Yeah?"  


Brahms had nodded and smiled at her reassuringly. "Of course. It's a good idea. I bought condoms myself, I just wasn't sure how you'd take it..."  


Then they'd kissed and Brahms had suggested this date and now here they were. Together and about to have sex for the first time in months. She was both nervous and excited. It was absurd to be nervous, it was Brahms. But what if she got upset partway through, remembering her miscarriage, and wanted him to stop? He'd stop of course, but she didn't want to disappoint him. They'd both been looking forward to this.  


Brahms unlocked the door and led her into their room with his hand on the small of her back. The room was decorated in white with low lighting. He picked up the phone and quietly ordered a bottle of champagne and then sat her down on the sofa.  


"How's the homeless shelter?" Shae asked.  


Brahms smiled. "Good. I've learned the Lennon/McCartney songbook and everyone was ecstatic."  


He'd started volunteering at the homeless shelter around the same time Shae started at the burn ward. At first, he just worked in the kitchen but one day, he'd sat down at the beat up piano most everyone ignored and after he'd given it a desperately needed tuning, he'd started playing. Everyone gathered around to listen and complimented his skill but they grew bored with the classical pieces he'd play. So he found sheet music of the songs they'd request and he'd play for the people as they ate.  


"So that's why you're called Brahms," someone had said and Brahms had played a bit of Brahms's Lullaby, making them all laugh.  


"I'm glad," Shae said now. Her eyes sparkled. "You're really bringing them joy."  


Brahms smiled. "Henry was disappointed when I told him we're moving. We've got lots of time before we do, but he said he doesn't get many people as enthusiastic as me. That he gets volunteers but over time they start getting bitter because they don't see the homeless numbers going down any. They start feeling hopeless."  


"And you're not hopeless?" Shae asked.  


"No." Brahms shook his head. "I'm not there to make homelessness go away. I'm there to make life easier for people down on their luck. Because that's all it is; luck. I could have easily been homeless myself. What if my parents hadn't established that trust? What if I didn't have Aunt Millie? What if I'd never met you? Someone else would have moved into the house and I'd be forced to either flee or do away with all of them. And what was I going to do, murder everyone who stepped foot in the house? No. It's lucky that I've gotten to where I am now. And I hope that going there, being with those people, maybe my luck will rub off on a few of them. I've bought suits for a few of the lads who had job interviews coming up. One came up to me today and told me he'd gotten hired. He cried and shook my hand. No, no I'm not bitter. I'm helping."  


Shae's eyes glittered with tears and there was a knock on the door. Brahms went to answer it and it was the room service attendant with their champagne. The man wheeled the cart in. "Will there be anything else, Mr. Lennox?"  


"No, thank you, Ralph." Brahms discreetly handed him his tip and Ralph nodded to them, murmuring "ma'am" to Shae and went out the door.  


Brahms popped the cork out of the bottle and poured some of the champagne into the glasses and handed one to Shae.  


"What are we drinking to?" Shae asked.  


"To us," Brahms said. They clinked glasses and sipped. When Brahms put his glass down, she saw his shoulders had gone tense.  


"What's wrong?" Shae's brow puckered with worry.  


Brahms cleared his throat. "Nothing, I just..." He looked her in the eyes. "I love you. I love you so much, it sometimes feels like I can't breathe. But then I look at you and I'm able to catch my breath. Because you're like air to me, Shae. I need you. And... and I need to know if..."  


"Brahms?" Shae said, softly.  


He set his glass aside and fumbled in his pocket before dropping to one knee. "Will you marry me?" He pulled a velvet case out of his pocket and opened it, showing her a beautiful ring with her birthstone, the garnet. It looked like an antique, so exquisite and the metalwork so delicately detailed that she could only gape at it.  


"Oh..." Shae breathed. She pressed a hand to her chest and then looked into Brahms's eyes. "Oh, Brahms. Yes! Yes, of course I'll marry you."  


He beamed and she bent her head to kiss him, passionately. She drew back when he grasped her left hand and slid the ring on her ring finger. "Millie sent this to me. She said it was her grandmother's. Not on the Heelshire side. Do you like it?"  


"Brahms, it's perfect." He stood and she threw her arms around him. "I love you so much."  


He hugged her back. "I love you, Shae Lennox."  


She went still. "Right. Lennox. Not Heelshire." She drew back to look up into his smiling face. "Shae Marguerite Lennox. I like the sound of that."  


He gave her hips a squeeze and said lowly, "So do I."  


She bit her lip and ran one of her hands up into his hair, even more shaggy now. He'd declared his intention of growing it out and it made him look even more like the Phantom of the Opera than he already did. Shae found that she really, really liked it.  


Suddenly, Brahms scooped her up and she circled her legs around his waist as he carried her into the bedroom. He set her gently on the bed and she kicked off her shoes as he shrugged out of his jacket and toed off his own shoes. He dropped onto the bed beside her and gathered her into his arms, kissing her in the teasing, soft way she liked until she was desperately fumbling the buttons of his shirt open.  


He unzipped her dress and released his breath when he saw she hadn't been wearing anything underneath. Meanwhile, she was pulling his shirt off and then tugging at his undershirt, making him chuckle.  


"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have worn so many layers," he said.  


Shae gave him a little smile. "I feel like I'm unwrapping the best gift ever."  


His eyes darkened and he lowered his head to kiss her more. Then he pulled back and removed his undershirt so he was completely bare chested. The move had popped his mask off and Shae started kissing down his scarred cheek, whispering how much she loved him. He fumbled with his belt and got his trousers off, then stood to tug off his boxer shorts and socks.  


Shae opened her arms to him and he joined her on the bed, nestling down between her thighs that she spread wide to welcome him. He kissed her deeply and pulled back to kiss all down her neck and then over her chest where he paused to nibble teasingly around her nipples until she whimpered desperately and he started to suckle softly and alternately flick his tongue. Her head thrashed on the pillow, cheeks flushing pink as he did so and he slid lower over her belly, now flat again, to tongue at her bellybutton for a moment, and then he went further down to the soft, neatly trimmed red triangle of hair between her legs. He kissed her there and then ran his tongue up and down her slit. She clenched her fists in his hair as his tongue lightly lapped at her clit, lost in the musky smell and sweet taste of her. He could feel her orgasm starting, her thighs clamping over his ears as he tapped her just so until she quivered and called out his name.  


He crawled back up the bed to kiss her more and felt her little hand circle his cock. It was mostly hard anyway, but under her attentions he became as hard as granite and then she was smoothing her hands up and down his sides and crooning for him to fuck her.  


She was so wet he glided in perfectly, making her gasp.  


"All right?" he whispered, his voice trembling.  


"Uh huh," Shae breathed. "Oh... Brahms. God. You're so..."  


He withdrew and then slid back in slowly, smiling as her eyes shut and she shivered, her fingers still gripping his hair tightly. "I'm so what?"  


"Ohhh, you're so much better than anything I've ever felt." She wrapped her legs around his waist. "I never, ever want to live without you again. Mmm, my beautiful Brahms."  


His heart twisted and he lowered his head to kiss her softly. "You never have to. I'm here."  


She whimpered and bucked her hips so he resumed thrusting, keeping it slow and deep, watching in fascination as the flush on her cheeks spread down her neck and over her breasts. Her lips trembled and she could barely breathe out his name. When the second orgasm hit, she was looking deeply into his eyes and her pussy clenched him so tightly, he grit his teeth and came inside her right that moment. She kept clenching and he whimpered, not believing anything could feel so good. He shook all over and felt himself still coming and then he sagged bonelessly to the bed.  


Shae lay panting but once she recovered she rolled to him and tucked her head under his chin.  


When he felt he had the strength, he wrapped his arms around her and started kissing the top of her head.  


"I love you," she whispered.  


"I love you," he whispered back.  


They lay there and Brahms started to lightly stroke up and down her back. "What do you think it would have been like if we'd met differently?"  


Shae raised her head and gave him a sweet, confused smile. "What?"  


"Like, say that Millie had been able to have me for the summer hols. I got to stay in the little room just for me and play with Charlie down the lane. And then one day, this family moves into the cottage next door. The Willinghams. Just for the summer. And they have a beautiful little daughter called Shae. And I take one look at her and fall in love instantly."  


Shae's smile bloomed, her eyes sparkling. "I play on the beach and catch you spying on me. I insist that you come out from your hiding place and talk to me like a gentleman."  


"And I do it. We become good friends and I play with you everyday. Charlie does too, but he sees that you and I are meant to be. He bows out more often to play with his brothers but we always make sure to include him in our games when he's around. We're not snotty."  


"No, we aren't. And we have so much fun. I make a daisy chain for you and you wear it every day until the daisies wilt."  


"And one night there's a fireworks display. Millie lets me stay out late and we stand on the beach and watch all the colors bursting in the sky. I work up my courage and touch your face. When you look at me, I kiss you."  


Shae pressed her forehead to his. "And that's when I fell in love with you. Completely."  


Brahms swallowed hard. "When the summer's over, your family packs up and goes back to America. I don't watch you go because it breaks my heart. But we exchanged addresses and we write to each other for years and years."  


"And when we're grown?" Shae whispers. "I come find you. And we fall in love and get married."  


His eyes misty, he nodded. "Right."  


"I think that's the story we'll tell people," Shae said. "About how we met. It's like a fairytale."  


Brahms smiled gently. "If we believe it enough, it might come true."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story Shae reads the children is "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss


	25. Epilogue

"Evans?"  


Greta had been sitting cross-legged on her bed, staring out the small window of her cell. It was all she did these days. But she looked up at the guard who opened her door and gestured her into the hall. "You've got a visitor. Move along."  


She stood up, wondering if her sister had made the long flight here from Montana and walked ahead of the guard to the visitor's room. The man in the room was one she hadn't seen before, certainly not the weak advocate she'd been assigned. This man was more imposing, with salt and pepper hair and a grim countenance.  


"Ms. Evans. Take a seat." He gestured to a chair and Greta dropped into it, frowning. "I've got good news for you. The case against you is in the process of being dropped. New evidence shows that there was another party in that house who no doubt committed the murder you were accused of. Your ex certainly kept some bad company. You and your friend Malcolm should be out by the end of the week."  


"Are you serious?" Greta asked, her voice breaking. "They found Brahms?"  


The man's look was cold. "Brahms Heelshire is dead. The man they're looking for is a known associate of your ex-boyfriend, who we believe followed him to the UK and intended to frame you for his murder."  


Greta started shaking his head. "No. I'm not blaming anyone else for this. It was _Brahms_. I saw him."  


If it was possible, his look got even colder. "I suggest you stop making wild accusations, Ms. Evans. If you want this new evidence to see the light of day..." He pushed forward a paper. "I suggest you sign this."  


"What is it?" Greta asked.  


"An agreement. You recant your story about Brahms Heelshire. You say you're not sure who you saw that night, but it certainly wasn't a long dead boy all grown and living in the walls of his home. Once you're free, you get on the first plane back to America and you stay there."  


"And if I don't?" Greta asked.  


"You rot in prison," the man said.  


Greta scowled at him and looked down at her paper. She really wanted to see Sandy and Morgan again. So she picked up the offered pen and signed the agreement with the letterhead Carthage, Farnsworth, and Bane.  


"Very good," the man said crisply. He took the paper, slid it into a folder and placed it neatly in his briefcase. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you, Ms. Evans. Enjoy your trip home."  


As he stood to go, Greta demanded, "Where is Brahms?"  


The man paused and looked at her. There was pity in his eyes. "He's no one you need to worry about, Ms. Evans. Good day."  


He left and Greta sucked in a deep breath, overwhelmed. _I get to go home._

~*~

"Here she comes, here she comes! Act normal!"  


"If you're capable of it."  


"Oh, you're a clever one."  


"Shhh!"  


Shae came through the door of the break room, holding an empty mug and carrying a folder under her arm. She smiled a little at the other teachers around the room who were nervously trying to behave as if they hadn't just been speaking about her.  


"Hello, Shae," Francine said warmly. "Welcome back."  


"Thank you." Shae's smile grew. "It's wonderful to be back."  


"Give it a couple hours, you'll change your tune," a bald man who taught year fours mumbled.  


Shae laughed. "Maybe. I uh, I was hoping to see Will?"  


"He's in his classroom," Violet said gently. "He knew you were coming back today and I think he wanted to keep his distance."  


"Okay. Thank you, Violet." Shae nodded to her friend and left the room. She walked down the hall and down a flight of stairs to the year five wing of the building. She found Will's room and through the little window in the door saw him at the smart board, clutching an open book in one arm and copying down a poem on the board with his free hand. She watched him a moment and then knocked.  


Will looked around and his face fell when he saw her. Then he recovered himself and set the book down, coming to the door. He opened it and said politely, "Hello, Shae, welcome back."  


"I wanted to talk to you for a moment," Shae said. "Can I come in?"  


He looked like he really wanted to say no but then he nodded and stepped aside. Shae came in and when the door was safely closed and Will had his arms folded, staring at the floor, she said, "I wanted to apologize to you."  


"Shouldn't your behemoth of a boyfriend be apologizing to me?" Will muttered. "I cracked a rib when he threw me."  


"You laid hands on him first," Shae pointed out and then sighed. "Will, I'm sorry for never texting you back. And for leading you on and... for getting back together with my ex without even having a conversation with you first. It was a shitty way to treat you and you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry."  


Surprised, Will looked up at her. "Oh."  


"I had no business seeing you in the first place. I should have told you that I was in love with someone else. I just... I was going through a difficult time and then things got even more difficult and..." She shook her head. "Here I am trying to make excuses. There aren't any. I treated you badly, end of. And I'm sorry. I hope that someday we can eventually go back to being friends."  


"I'll probably need a few years," Will tried to joke but sounded bleak.  


Shae's smile was sad. "I won't be here in years. At the end of term, I'm taking a new job in Cornwall. I hope you'll continue to do well here."  


Will swallowed and didn't answer, so Shae moved to the door.  


"Shae?" She paused and looked back at Will. He couldn't quite meet her eyes but he said, "Good luck in Cornwall. I know you'll be brilliant."  


"Thank you," Shae whispered and slipped from the room.  


Will stood there a few moments longer, wiped his eyes with his sleeve and then went back to the board.

~*~

_Six years later_

  
Shae hummed to herself, hips twitching as she flipped the chocolate chip pancakes she was making. The Mickey Mouse shape was just right. Singing under her breath, she gave the sausages a poke and ascertained that they were nice and cooked. She turned down the heat on that burner and went back to humming.  


"Mummy!"  


She turned and smiled brightly. Jo had climbed up onto one of the plush bar chairs and was beaming at Shae happily. She was still in her rainbow pajamas; they stayed in their jim jams until the afternoon during the summer time. Her long, dark, curly hair was a fuzzy cloud around her head, her eyes sparkling as she folded her arms and leaned her little chin on them.  


"Is Daddy going to be home soon?" she asked.  


"Any minute," Shae answered. She moved the sausages onto a paper towel and got out Jo's favorite Peppa Pig plate. She loaded it with pancakes and then placed it on the counter in front of her little daughter. "Sit up to eat, sweetie."  


Jo did so and picked up her fork and eagerly dug into her pancakes. Shae set the bottle of syrup next to her and Jo had a few bites before squeezing a metric ton of syrup onto her food. It always made Shae laugh, but Jo always ate every single bite. Lately, she'd stopped eating sausage when she'd found out that the meat came from pigs so that meant she had to eat even more pancakes than usual to get full.  


Shae leaned forward on her elbows, watching Jo eat. "How'd you sleep?"  


"Good," Jo said.  


"Are you excited for dance today?" Shae asked.  


Jo nodded exuberantly. "Will Daddy get to come watch?"  


"Mmm, no, sweetie, Daddy has to work." Shae turned back to the stove and poured more pancake batter into the pan.  


"Will you come watch?"  


"You couldn't keep me away."  


Jo nodded, satisfied. "Good."  


The front door opened and Brahms called, "I'm home!"  


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jo leaped from her chair, ignoring Shae who called "Careful!" at her and went flying to Brahms as he came into the room. He bent and scooped Jo up into his arms, giving her a loud kiss on the cheek that made her giggle delightedly.  


"How's my monkey?" he asked, settling her on his hip.  


"Great!" Jo hugged him tight around his neck and then clucked in disapproval. "Daddy..."  


"What?"  


Jo reached up and gently removed his mask from the burned portion of his face. "You don't need that with us," she said kindly. She gave him a soft peck on his scarred cheek and Shae bit her lip seeing the emotion in his eyes.  


"I know," he said a little gruffly and set her back on her feet. "Go finish your breakfast."  


His little girl ran back to the counter and climbed back into her chair, setting the mask next to her plate and dug back into her food with gusto.  


"What do you say to a little music, Jo?" Shae asked.  


"I say yes!"  


Chuckling, Shae fiddled with the iPod dock and turned on the Disney playlist that Jo liked so much. Once her child was dancing in her seat and happily distracted, Shae took Brahms's elbow and moved him where little ears couldn't hear.  


"How did it go?" Shae asked.  


Brahms sighed. "Fine. I moved him to a quarry. Thank god it's the last one. It took me ages to get the smell out of the back of the car."  


Shae bit her lip. "So it's over? All the bodies are gone?"  


"Yes. It's safe to use the house now."  


For the last five years, Brahms had been going back to the Heelshire estate and digging up the bodies of his victims, then taking them somewhere else to be found. He and Shae had talked about it and chose different locations for the bodies' discovery and they never made the move at the same time of the year. They desperately didn't want to establish a pattern but they wanted those bodies found. The families of the victims could then stop wondering what had happened to their loved ones and could maybe get a little bit of closure.  


"The Joanna Willingham Home for Women?" Shae said softly. She'd come up with the idea a few years ago, to use the Heelshire house as a shelter for battered women. Mildred's lawyer, Farnsworth, had agreed to some pro bono work if any of the women needed to create new, legal identities to escape ex-boyfriends or husbands.  


Brahms smiled gently at her. "Your mother would be proud." When she ducked her head to hide her tears, he leaned forward and kissed her brow. "I love you."  


"I love you," she whispered and hugged him tightly. "God, I'm so glad that it's over."  


He hid his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. "So am I, my love."

~*~

Shae and Jo spent the day playing on the beach and picking up trash when they found it. Then Jo had her dance class during which time Shae volunteered at the old age home where she did work clearing tables in the dining room. She made sure to speak to the residents as well and quite a few of them remembered her name, the others just knew her face. But she knew the names of every single one of them.  


Afterward, she went to the town's cultural center to pick up Jo from dance class and got to sneak a peek at the new dance routine Jo had been so excited about. It was to the HAIM song "Little of Your Love" and Jo's teacher had to gently remind her to stop lip syncing along with the music as she danced. Jo was always placed front and center so it was obvious when she was singing; she'd always look apologetic when corrected but she couldn't help it and would start singing again the next time.  


"Did you have fun?" Shae asked once the teacher dismissed everyone.  


"Yes!" Jo bounced to Shae and took her hand. "Did you have fun today?"  


"I did. Mrs. Andrews asked about you. Do you think you'd want to come in with me tomorrow and say hi to everyone?"  


Jo smiled at her. "Of course. Everyone's really nice."  


They walked down the hallway to where the orchestra always practiced. Shortly after moving to their little town of Gleaming in Cornwall, the local orchestra conductor had retired. Shae had had to twist Brahms's arm to get him to interview for the position but he'd done it, though he'd been so nervous, he'd retched in the parking lot immediately before the interview. Luckily, Shae supplied him with breath mints and off he went. He ended up making such a good impression that they'd hired him on the spot and he'd come out whooping and spun Shae around so much her shoes had flown off.  


Before Shae could stop her, Jo opened the door to the rehearsal room and peeped her head in. Everyone in the room heard the door and turned to stare. Making an adorable _whoops_ face, Jo hopped back into the hall.  


"I interrupted," Jo said guiltily.  


"I'm sure it's fine," Shae told her, stroking her hair.  


Suddenly Brahms was at the door, smiling at them. "Hello," he said, and scooped Jo up into his arms. He gave Shae a soft kiss and then opened the door, indicating that she go in.  


The orchestra watched in amusement as Shae, embarrassed, came into the room and sat down in a folding chair in the audience. Brahms marched back up to the podium and set Jo on his stool.  


"All right, once more from the beginning," he said, then tapped his baton on the lectern and led them through "Summer" of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. It sounded lovely and it made Shae smile. She looked at Jo and it always amazed her that the five year old liked classical music almost as much as her father did. She sat on the stool with her hands clasped between her knees absorbing every sound, but she always looked the most dreamy when listening to the strings.  


At the end, Brahms lowered his baton and turned to Jo. "What did you think?"  


She beamed and gave the orchestra two thumbs up which earned her smatterings of gentle laughter.  


"I agree. Excellent work, everyone. We'll meet again on Monday." He tapped his sheet music together and everyone took that as their signal to gather their things. A few of the orchestra members stopped to have a quick word with Brahms but eventually they all cleared out.  


"Are we going home, then?" Brahms asked Jo, putting his music into his cross-body bag that he belted across his chest.  


Jo nodded. "Yes. We need to change the flowers on Wolfie's grave."  


"Ah. Good." He stroked her hair and then smiled over at Shae. "Ready, love?"  


"Of course." She held his hand and Jo led the way out of the room, skipping and jumping.

~*~

On the edge of their property, just before the sand dunes began, there was a small, marble headstone with a metal plaque that simply read WOLFGANG WILLINGHAM BELOVED SON. Shae hadn't decided on a middle name for him and Brahms didn't have any suggestions. Every week, Joanna changed the flowers left there, and she'd speak to her big brother for awhile. She said she'd seen him in her dreams sometimes and Shae and Brahms believed her.  


With the business of the Heelshire house finished, Brahms had also brought the doll home. Shae hadn't liked seeing it again but Jo had been delighted with it and named it Wolfie.  


"He's got the wrong hair," Jo said, "but I like him. Can I keep him in my room?"  


"Are you sure?" Shae asked. "He's awfully... big."  


"There's room," Jo said. She'd placed him on her window seat with her collection of stuffed pigs and honestly, the little fellow looked happy there.  


It was hard not to be happy in their house.

~*~

_Six months later_

  
"She's here!" Jo called.  


Lily came up the drive, loaded down with presents and laughed delightedly when Jo came sprinting out of the house and tackled her into the snow.  


"Joanna Rose Lennox!" Shae scolded from her spot in the doorway. "Help her up and carry those bags in! Honestly!"  


Giggling, Jo grabbed Lily's hands and helped her to her feet. "Sorry, Auntie Lily. I was too excited. Do you like the snow? I've never seen it here before! Only in London. Can I go back with you to London?"  


Lily caught her breath and stroked Jo's hair. "Little motormouth, eh?"  


"Always," Jo said, making Lily laugh.  


At the door, Shae apologized for Jo's behavior and helped Lily hang up her coat. "Brahms is making hot toddies. Come and sit down with us in the lounge; Mildred's here already."  


The house was decorated for Christmas and Jo eagerly helped Lily place her presents under the tree, picking up the boxes addressed to her and giving them a shake until Mildred told her to stop being silly.  


"You might break something," Mildred said.  


Jo's face lit up. "Did you get me something breakable, Auntie Millie?"  


"Oh, you little hellion," Mildred said, swatting Jo and making her giggle.  


Brahms came in with a tray. "Hot drinks for all. And a hot chocolate for you, monkey. Sit still so you don't scald yourself."  


Jo obediently stopped squirming and sat down on an ottoman to accept her drink. Brahms passed around the mugs for everyone else and then plunked down next to Shae, wrapping an arm around her.  


Mildred sipped her hot toddy and said, "Well, I've some good news. They've finished the plans for the Joanna Willingham Home for Women. They can start accepting their first clients after the new year."  


"Oh, that's wonderful news," Lily said. She beamed over at Shae. "You two must be thrilled."  


Shae and Brahms exchanged a smile and Brahms leaned forward to kiss her softly.  


"What are your next plans?" Mildred asked.  


Brahms cleared his throat. "Well. We've been thinking of helping expand the park over in Framington. The children there barely have anyplace to play. It was actually Jo's idea. When we last drove through there, she was concerned by all the children playing in the streets. She said it wasn't safe."  


"It _wasn't_!" Jo said, eyes big. "You're always telling me never to play in the street!"  


"But uh, first, we, uh..." He looked over at Shae, smiling shyly. "Well, there's a reason Shae's drinking a hot chocolate, too."  


Lily gasped. "Are you...?"  


"Yes. We're pregnant again." She pressed a hand to her belly. "I'm twelve weeks along."  


Exclaiming, Millie and Lily rose from their seats to hug and kiss Brahms and Shae while Joanna beamed from her perch on the ottoman. She was the only one to hear the doorbell ring and hurried to get it. She threw the door open and found a woman there. She was pretty, with wide eyes and shoulder length dark hair. She was startled when she looked down at Jo and then back at the house.  


"Is... is this...?"  


"This is the Lennox residence, ma'am," Jo said politely. She smiled up at her. "It's very cold out. Would you like to come in for a hot toddy?"  


The woman frowned and looked over Jo's shoulder. "Who's your... are your parents here?"  


"Yes, but they're a bit occupied at the moment. My dad's just announced my new baby brother or sister to our family. Everyone's excited." Jo tilted her head. "Won't you come in? I can get them for you."  


"Oh... No. No, of course not. Um. Merry Christmas."  


"You're American!" Jo smiled wider. "My mum's American. She says Merry Christmas, too. Merry Christmas to you, ma'am."  


The woman cleared her throat. "Okay. Well. Goodbye."  


"Bye!" Jo closed the door and came back to the party, where no one had noticed she had gone. Later into the evening, well into games and carols and playing with the art set Auntie Lily had brought her, Jo forgot all about the woman.

~*~

Greta stared at the house, hearing all the cheer happening inside and then turned and walked away. "No one I need to worry about," she mumbled and slipped the gun she was holding back into her purse and walked away, deciding to let the past live in the past.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me on this story that kinda kept growing and twisting on me! Hopefully I've tied up all the loose ends. It's been fun! <3


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